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The Story of why I got my Hair Cut. (An oddly exciting tale)

Posted by Plunk, 09 February 2014 · 596 views

I recently went from having foot long, flowing blonde hair, to having only an inch and a half of hair on the sides and back of my head, and approximately 5 1/2 - 6 inches of hair on the top. AND HERE'S WHY!

I hadn't slept the night before, so by the time 4PM rolled around, I was a bit tired and decided to take a nap. After sleeping for a couple hours, my sister woke me up. It had been snowing, my uncle was here to plow out the driveway, and my sister wanted my assistance with moving the cars out of his way. I got up, put on my shoes, and suddenly the world was spinning. It was as if I was on a Merry-Go-Round that was moving at 300mph. Immediately feeling sick to my stomach, I ran to the bathroom on the off chance I was going to be sick. I was not sick, and began to feel less nauseous, however, the spinning continued, and I began to get light-headed and my legs were wobbly.

On my way out of the bathroom, as soon as I reached the door, I felt an explosion in the back of my skull. It was as if the interior of my head was Minecraft, and every Creeper to have ever spawned in every game of Minecraft ever played had just decided to detonate as a group in the back of my head. The only other way I have been able to describe it was, "It honestly felt like someone hit me in the back of the head with a sledgehammer? But like, with the force of a thousand exploding suns." I weakly muttered, "Holy shit..." before slowly collapsing to the floor, knocking my sister's bras off the door and tipping over the scentsy that was plugged into the wall, which spilled wax everywhere, before coming to a full stop on the floor. With my head in the cup of one of my sister's bras, and melted, vanilla scented wax coating the back of my head, I proceeded to black the fuck out.

I don't know how long I was on the floor, completely unconscious, but I awoke to find my sister standing over me, calmly asking me what I was doing. Her dog, an approximately five month old yellow lab decided it would be an excellent idea to start stomping on my balls, even though it was clearly not a good idea. My sister began laughing at me, as my ears started ringing with such ferocity that my head felt like that one scene from Scanners, (You know the one.) and I began holding my ears and screaming at the top of my lungs. After this went on for a few minutes, my sister realized that I wasn't dicking around and got a bit more serious. She asked if I wanted her to call mom, I asked why she hadn't already. While she grabbed the phone and asked our mother to come over, I tried to sit up. The attempt went poorly. After getting myself propped almost halfway up, I was drenched in sweat, I could barely breathe, and my back, legs, arms, and head hurt so much that I ended up dropping back to the floor, and crying in the fetal position.

My sister came back and asked if I wanted some Excedrin. I told her I wanted ALL of the Excedrin. She came back with two, helped me to a sitting position, and by the time I'd finished the glass of water, I felt pretty alright. When my mom showed up, I felt absolutely fine, aside from the quarter pound of wax caked to the back of my head. It was now past 7:30PM, (I'd been woken up at around 6:45PM) so there was only one place still open that could cut my hair.

Driving through a snowstorm on the way to Walmart for nothing but a haircut, we arived at around 8:15PM, and by 8:45, my haircut had been completed. After getting home and posting about the events on Facebook, I've heard many things ranging from, "Blood sugar maybe?" to "Probably an untreated concussion from when you fell down the stairs." to my personal favorite, "What you are describing is a brain injury. Go see a doctor RIGHT NOW." Needless to say, with no money and no insurance, I have yet to see a doctor, and don't plan on going unless I start to get the dizzy/spinning feeling again. And that is the story of why I got my hair cut.

Hahahahaha. My favorite part is when the dog 'decided' to stomp on your balls. My other favorite part is when you almost died but your sister was laughing at you.


You should probably aim to get 8 hours of sleep every night. 

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pics or it didn't happen
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Funny story. You really should see a doctor, though. Find a local clinic that will charge based on what you can pay, maybe? What you described sounds really scary :(

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