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Roommate Horror Stories

roommates they suck and theyre scary horror gasp

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#26 Sweeney

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Posted 09 December 2013 - 01:40 PM

Oh, man. She sounds like a keeper. You should wife her up ;)


Nah, I don't think so. She's a bit weird.

#27 L33T

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Posted 09 December 2013 - 01:41 PM

Nah, I don't think so. She's a bit weird.

 

Those are the best ones ;)



#28 Sweeney

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Posted 09 December 2013 - 01:42 PM

Those are the best ones ;)


Never stick your dick in crazy.
Didn't you know?

#29 L33T

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Posted 09 December 2013 - 01:57 PM

Never stick your dick in crazy.
Didn't you know?

 

Woah, woah, woah. You said weird, not crazy. Crazy is a whole 'nother level dawg



#30 Emily

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Posted 10 December 2013 - 01:10 AM

I had some psychos freshman year too(Shmatie and Shmara were sophomore year roommates), but they were mostly crazy towards each other. I was always stuck in the middle. Once, they got into a screaming match at 2 in the morning. I walked out of my room and about 20 people were in the hallway wondering what the fuck was going on. I was just standing there like, "Uh... yeah. I have nothing to do with this." Literally, they were screaming, and I was pretending to re-organize my desk.

 

Also, one of my freshman roommates kept a steak knife in the drawer next to her bed. That's a horror story waiting to happen. 

 

Eventually, steak knife roommate got caught smoking weed in the bathroom and kicked out of housing. My actual roommate (there were two rooms with two people each and you shared a bathroom) moved out and the roommate I was actually friends with moved down the hall. So, since we were friends with people down the hall, I moved into an open quad room and lived happy ever after. 

 

Until Shmatie and Shmara at least. 



#31 Hawk

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Posted 10 December 2013 - 06:37 PM

My roommate my freshman year in the dorms decided to buff his banana when he thought I was asleep.  That was awkward.

 

Moved in with my girlfriend and a couple other friends at the start of my junior year.  The girlfriend thing didn't last, and was a huge mistake.



#32 L33T

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Posted 10 December 2013 - 06:41 PM

My roommate my freshman year in the dorms decided to buff his banana when he thought I was asleep.  That was awkward.
 
Moved in with my girlfriend and a couple other friends at the start of my junior year.  The girlfriend thing didn't last, and was a huge mistake.


What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

#33 Hawk

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Posted 10 December 2013 - 06:44 PM

What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

With which story?

 

Never stick your dick in crazy.
Didn't you know?

Made that mistake once.  (Same ex that I moved in with)



#34 pyke

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 07:04 AM


Also, one of my freshman roommates kept a steak knife in the drawer next to her bed. That's a horror story waiting to happen. 

 

Eh, I think that's normalish. I've usually got a couple of weapons without reach around my bed, ya never know when you'll need them.

 

I've been pretty lucky with roommates. Worst was a guy that was a Montreal Canadiens fan. We usually just gave eachother a little shit during the regular season, but playoffs started and some real hostilities began to develop.



#35 L33T

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 07:06 AM

With which story?

 

Made that mistake once.  (Same ex that I moved in with)

 

Both, I'm always down for funny-awkward stories :p



#36 Hawk

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 07:49 PM

Both, I'm always down for funny-awkward stories :p

Alrighty.

 

There were a couple times I wasn't sure if my roommate was trying to pound one out under the covers.  I always attributed it to me being paranoid and hearing things.  Well, one night, my fears were confirmed; he was beating the bishop.  By the time it escalated to the point where I knew he was spanking the monkey, I couldn't do anything.  In retrospect, I should have pulled the "cough and roll", but I was in shock.  Really, who does that?  I was struggling to fall asleep that night, and knowing he had no problem hammerfisting right across the room from me when he thought I was asleep was rather unsettling.  Sleep did not come easy that night.

 

Girlfriend one, oooooooooh boy.  Let me preface this with I was extremely stupid.  I chose to move in with her and 3 of my friends in June.  She struggled to find a job, and I helped her get one by helping her work on her resume.  I helped her with her schoolwork.  I cleaned up after her.  I did way too much for her.  Around August of that year, I was hit with the "I think we're just better as friends" line.  I was naive, missed a ton of signs, and continued to remain too emotionally invested in her even though it was "over".  Granted, she was a bitch in the sense she knowingly led me on a bit, just so I'd remain invested.  Regardless, we had a one year lease.  My friends and I did not really want her there, but there was jack shit we could do about it.

 

I forget the series of events, but in the last five or six months we lived together she:

 

  • Got pregnant with the guy she replaced me with.
  • Had a miscarriage.  (She has since gotten pregnant, had an abortion, and is currently pregnant and will carry this one to term.)
  • I am admittedly no psychologist - But when she and her new guy hit a rough patch (Which in reality was their whole relationship, but who am I to judge), she suffered from depression, but at the same time had a few manic episodes.  Something was definitely off with the brain chemistry.  I would have loved to see what she actually would be diagnosed with, and at a few points she did go seek help because she felt like she was a danger to herself.

Anyways, I put up with a ton of shit as an attempt to be the peacekeeper at the house.  I'd clean up after her.  I knew at times she was not eating much at all, so I was damn near always trying to get her to eat, because she was fairly tall (5'7"-5'8" I think) and was dropping down to an extremely skinny 105-110 lb if I remember correctly.  I bailed her out of a few bad situations because I cared.

 

I stopped caring once we all went our separate ways.  I mean, I keep in touch, but I do not give a flying fuck about any of her problems.  Granted, I was REALLY curious when I found out she was pregnant again, but that's more me being nosy.

 

Also, she's a prime example of "Don't stick your dick in crazy."  The corollary to that is "Never promise crazy a baby".



#37 L33T

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:01 PM

Alrighty.

 

There were a couple times I wasn't sure if my roommate was trying to pound one out under the covers.  I always attributed it to me being paranoid and hearing things.  Well, one night, my fears were confirmed; he was beating the bishop.  By the time it escalated to the point where I knew he was spanking the monkey, I couldn't do anything.  In retrospect, I should have pulled the "cough and roll", but I was in shock.  Really, who does that?  I was struggling to fall asleep that night, and knowing he had no problem hammerfisting right across the room from me when he thought I was asleep was rather unsettling.  Sleep did not come easy that night.

 

Girlfriend one, oooooooooh boy.  Let me preface this with I was extremely stupid.  I chose to move in with her and 3 of my friends in June.  She struggled to find a job, and I helped her get one by helping her work on her resume.  I helped her with her schoolwork.  I cleaned up after her.  I did way too much for her.  Around August of that year, I was hit with the "I think we're just better as friends" line.  I was naive, missed a ton of signs, and continued to remain too emotionally invested in her even though it was "over".  Granted, she was a bitch in the sense she knowingly led me on a bit, just so I'd remain invested.  Regardless, we had a one year lease.  My friends and I did not really want her there, but there was jack shit we could do about it.

 

I forget the series of events, but in the last five or six months we lived together she:

 

  • Got pregnant with the guy she replaced me with.
  • Had a miscarriage.  (She has since gotten pregnant, had an abortion, and is currently pregnant and will carry this one to term.)
  • I am admittedly no psychologist - But when she and her new guy hit a rough patch (Which in reality was their whole relationship, but who am I to judge), she suffered from depression, but at the same time had a few manic episodes.  Something was definitely off with the brain chemistry.  I would have loved to see what she actually would be diagnosed with, and at a few points she did go seek help because she felt like she was a danger to herself.

Anyways, I put up with a ton of shit as an attempt to be the peacekeeper at the house.  I'd clean up after her.  I knew at times she was not eating much at all, so I was damn near always trying to get her to eat, because she was fairly tall (5'7"-5'8" I think) and was dropping down to an extremely skinny 105-110 lb if I remember correctly.  I bailed her out of a few bad situations because I cared.

 

I stopped caring once we all went our separate ways.  I mean, I keep in touch, but I do not give a flying fuck about any of her problems.  Granted, I was REALLY curious when I found out she was pregnant again, but that's more me being nosy.

 

Also, she's a prime example of "Don't stick your dick in crazy."  The corollary to that is "Never promise crazy a baby".

 

Damn, that's rough. Yeah, you never want to do too much for women. If they know you won't leave, they get bored and leave themselves. Sorry things didn't work out, but maybe it's for the best based on how you're describing her.

 

Regarding your roommate getting himself off because he thought you were asleep, what you should've done is jumped out of bed and screamed or said something creepy as fuck. Would have ruined his night and he'd never have done anything again :p


Edited by L33T, 11 December 2013 - 08:01 PM.


#38 Emily

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:21 PM

Damn, that's rough. Yeah, you never want to do too much for women. If they know you won't leave, they get bored and leave themselves. Sorry things didn't work out, but maybe it's for the best based on how you're describing her.

 

Regarding your roommate getting himself off because he thought you were asleep, what you should've done is jumped out of bed and screamed or said something creepy as fuck. Would have ruined his night and he'd never have done anything again :p

 

@Hawk Or talked in your sleep. Should have been like, "No... no, Jacob. I can't kill him. He's my friend... No, Jacob. That's bad." Just be creepy.



#39 Jess

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:22 PM

Or just started jacking off too.



#40 Emily

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:23 PM

Or just started jacking off too.

 

Yeah, listen to Napi. 



#41 L33T

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:35 PM

Yeah, fuck that gf of yours man, maybe he would've come down and gotten in bed with you and you two could have lived happily ever after.



#42 Jess

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:38 PM

Yeah, fuck that gf of yours man, maybe he would've come down and gotten in bed with you and you two could have lived happily ever after.

Too far.



#43 L33T

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:41 PM

Too far.

 

Don't even try to play that card. You and your silly hair obsessions.


Edited by L33T, 11 December 2013 - 08:41 PM.


#44 Emily

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:43 PM

Don't even try to play that card. You and your silly hair obsessions.

 

Hair is important stuff.



#45 L33T

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Posted 11 December 2013 - 08:49 PM

Hair is important stuff.

 

Maybe to you, I just naturally look good all the time :cool:


Edited by L33T, 11 December 2013 - 08:50 PM.


#46 jinq

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Posted 12 December 2013 - 01:32 PM

Hair is important stuff.

You should see how messy my hair is. :p



#47 Hawk

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Posted 16 December 2013 - 04:21 PM

Or just started jacking off too.

Definitely considered it since it happened.  I should have yelled "I'll race you!" and went to town as well.  



#48 Sweeney

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Posted 16 December 2013 - 04:26 PM

Yeah, you never want to do too much for women. If they know you won't leave, they get bored and leave themselves.


Nobody else wanted to pick up on this one?

Ok. Ahem.

Bullshit.

#49 Frizzle

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Posted 16 December 2013 - 04:29 PM

Replace women with anybody and I think he has a point.



#50 pyke

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Posted 17 December 2013 - 05:27 AM

Nobody else wanted to pick up on this one?

Ok. Ahem.

Bullshit.

It's true! My relationships improved dramatically once I started treating women like shit.

 

(sarcasm kids. If you're actually in a committed relationship, show some respect to your guy/gal)





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