56 replies to this topic

[Padme]

Being sad and regretting something are two completely different though.

I can be sad about not going to hang out with my friends but not regret it because I got to stay home and play Skyrim in my underwear.

 

 

Clearly you are on a whole other level than the rest of the people in this thread who are talking about stuff which has actually weight in their lives. Not day to day decisions which can easily be rectified.

[Katya]

My mom is like what you describe. She thinks family is all that matters and swept some pretty fucked up shit under the mat, to avoid facing the fact that her husband is an abusive piece of trash. Because of that she has lost closeness to me. I can't be okay with someone who blamed me for all the abuse (physical & emotional) I received, who said I should be the bigger person and just accept my dad as an abuser and be okay with it, who said I won't make a good therapist if I can't be objective about my own dad even, etc. That is toxic. I calmly told her I was done with that. As a grown ass woman, I can choose my family and I can be a good person while still holding my dad accountable. That it's okay for me to lack objectivity with the person who smacked the shit out of me for being autistic, or being a woman or whatever other fucked up excuse he used to legitimatize tormenting me.

My mum was like that too, until my father grabbed a butcher knife in the middle of the night and tried to enter in her room (they didn't sleep together since I was 4). Luckily for her I have insomnia -oh, look, another bad thing that saved the lives of three people- and I noticed some movement in the kitchen. I had a baseball bat in my room. No need to explain what happened next.
But until that day she used to tell me "he's your father, you have to forgive him".

Nah, I don't ever have to do crap for someone that never did nothing for me but cause suffering to the ones I love.

[Romy]

I disagree. I resent my dad and hold a grudge. But it doesn't hurt me. It prevents me from ever trying to rebuild that bridge. Because if I do rebuild it, he will continue to abuse me and that is worse than dealing with the occasional feeling of resentment. Some people can't change. That's okay. For you, it works. But it definitely doesn't work for everyone. Keep doing it if it works for you. 

 

That's what I can't understand. Why use resentment as a motivator? 

 

It's like putting diesel in a gas engine. It might run for a while but ultimately, it ruins your engine.

[Elindoril]

One time I played Pools betting on hockey. I made up a card and asked a coworker for some advice on teams since he knew hockey more than I did. I didn't believe him that Montreal would lose against a weaker team. I think it was Philly? I can't remember now. Throughout the night I check scores and one by one my picks are winning. Except Montreal. Even games I took a completely wild guess on I got right. Except Montreal.

It wasn't a massive prize (like $1000 or so?), but it was the closest I was to winning and it wasn't just bad luck. It was because I was dumb.

[Romy]

Clearly you are on a whole other level than the rest of the people in this thread who are talking about stuff which has actually weight in their lives. Not day to day decisions which can easily be rectified.

Who says I'm not talking about the same thing...?

I just choose not to share what experiences I've moved on from.

 

I'm not equating playing skyrim in my underwear to someone's emotionally abusive father.

[Coops]

That's what I can't understand. Why use resentment as a motivator? 

 

It's like putting diesel in a gas engine. It might run for a while but ultimately, it ruins your engine.

You say can't understand it, so how are you to say that it will ruin my engine? My resentment is mine. I accept it as a part of the human range of emotions. You don't have to understand why it works for me or anyone else. But you also don't get to argue that it's necessarily bad, especially if you're speaking from inexperience or from a different experience. I mean that in the politest way. No one is arguing that for you, it works not to hang onto resentment or whatever. Obviously, I don't know you or what you've gone through in your life. Your life is as complex as mine, or anyone else's.  But it is not my place to invalidate what works for you, even if I cannot conceptualize it, relate to it, or understand it. We're just explaining to you that we would expect the same. 

[Romy]

You say can't understand it, so how are you to say that it will ruin my engine? My resentment is mine. I accept it as a part of the human range of emotions. You don't have to understand why it works for me or anyone else. But you also don't get to argue that it's necessarily bad, especially if you're speaking from inexperience or from a different experience. I mean that in the politest way. No one is arguing that for you, it works not to hang onto resentment or whatever. Obviously, I don't know you or what you've gone through in your life. Your life is as complex as mine, or anyone else's.  But it is not my place to invalidate what works for you, even if I cannot conceptualize it, relate to it, or understand it. We're just explaining to you that we would expect the same. 

 

I guess the only responses I'm gonna get as to why it works is "It just does." I want to have a dialogue about it.

 

Mostly everyone is dismissing my arguments because they think I haven't experienced any type of hardship. Guess it's easier to be dismissive. (Not you of course).

[Swar]

Oh, there was this time in a school trip. I ate too much chocolate on the day before.
I wanted to poop during the whole trip. It was painful. I couldn't even fart because I was afraid of sharting, and it would be a disaster.

[Coops]

I guess the only responses I'm gonna get as to why it works is "It just does." I want to have a dialogue about it.

 

Mostly everyone is dismissing my arguments because they think I haven't experienced any type of hardship. Guess it's easier to be dismissive. (Not you of course).

Our brain has a flight or fight system. This is where certain emotional responses can come in, which can be useful to warn us of physical or emotional harm. Resentment about a person, or an event is an emotional reminder - like an alarm in our brain, warning us to be cautious. If a person is consistently reinforced to feel badly about themselves because of something someone repeatedly told them, they may come to resent that person or even themselves. In the case of resenting that person, it serves as an alarm even in situations involving different people who may act the same, say the same type of hurtful things, etc. But it's a double edged sword that can also be harmful, resulting in self-harm, self-loathing, etc. However, if you're mindful and intellectually/emotionally mature, it can be positive. 

 

Oh, there was this time in a school trip. I ate too much chocolate on the day before.
I wanted to poop during the whole trip. It was painful. I couldn't even fart because I was afraid of sharting, and it would be a disaster.

OH MY GOD. XD I laughed so hard, I almost swallowed another piece of gum.

[Swar]

OH MY GOD. XD I laughed so hard, I almost swallowed another piece of gum.

It's not funny it happened many times, actually, but the other times was purely anxiety. I don't have any anxiety problems, as far as I know, but I would always get extremely anxious before school trips, only before them.
One time was in a field trip. We had to walk a lot up and down, and that was awful D:

[Coops]

It's not funny it happened many times, actually, but the other times was purely anxiety. I don't have any anxiety problems, as far as I know, but I would always get extremely anxious before school trips, only before them.
One time was in a field trip. We had to walk a lot up and down, and that was awful D:

And now I have regrets for laughing. I'm sorry I laughed.
If it makes you feel a little better, I would vomit on every field trip as a kid, due to severe motion sickness. No one liked going into cars, buses, planes or trains with me.

[Swar]

And now I have regrets for laughing. I'm sorry I laughed.
If it makes you feel a little better, I would vomit on every field trip as a kid, due to severe motion sickness. No one liked going into cars, buses, planes or trains with me.

I was just being dramatic, my situation was hilarious. I would always laugh the day after (and after being free of all that poop)
Damn, that sucks

[Romy]

Our brain has a flight or fight system. This is where certain emotional responses can come in, which can be useful to warn us of physical or emotional harm. Resentment about a person, or an event is an emotional reminder - like an alarm in our brain, warning us to be cautious. If a person is consistently reinforced to feel badly about themselves because of something someone repeatedly told them, they may come to resent that person or even themselves. In the case of resenting that person, it serves as an alarm even in situations involving different people who may act the same, say the same type of hurtful things, etc. But it's a double edged sword that can also be harmful, resulting in self-harm, self-loathing, etc. However, if you're mindful and intellectually/emotionally mature, it can be positive. 

Although I respectfully disagree, I'm thankful for your explanation.

[Katya]

I guess the only responses I'm gonna get as to why it works is "It just does." I want to have a dialogue about it.
 
Mostly everyone is dismissing my arguments because they think I haven't experienced any type of hardship. Guess it's easier to be dismissive. (Not you of course).

I didn't dismiss anything you said. I only mentioned my own experience and gave arguments showing why having these feelings towards certain people and events actually helped me in the past and still do.

I only said that what what you consider toxic for you, might not be toxic for others. Like everything in life there's not one single formula or rule by which people have to live their lives. What works for you (forgiving and not holdind grudges to bad events/people in your life) might not work for others -I know it didn't work for me and my family.
 

[Coops]

Although I respectfully disagree, I'm thankful for your explanation.

That's the best I could come up with, having not really slept or ate today. I'm glad you asked why. I admit, I was misunderstanding what you were looking for in a response, sorry about that.

[Bee]

I regret ever getting a credit card, even though I needed it at the time.

 

OH MY GOD. XD I laughed so hard, I almost swallowed another piece of gum.

 

You need to stop eating gum.

[Coops]

I regret ever getting a credit card, even though I needed it at the time.

 

 

You need to stop eating gum.

I really do. I put it away. Today + me + gum = hazard.

[Swim]

as a teen i got into a lot of fights

broken some fingers in my hand and such

as well like i got into a shit ton of trouble

like im nottt going into detail but like stuff got rlly bad real quick

[Torque]

Worst choice of my life is not taking high school/college seriously. I didn't challenge myself too much and was able to sleep through most classes and still pull a high GPA. I can't say there were many reprecussions aside from the said regret but it's impossible to know. I could be an entirely different place than I am right now either for the better or worse.

[shrouded]

Attempting to handle a lot on my own. Sleeping with the majority of the people I have. 

 

Relationship problems. School problems. 

 

Doing it.

[Susie]

Regrets in life:

1. Failing classes in school

2. Losing touch with people from college

3. Not being closer with my sister

[Michaelhex]

There was a time at junior school, they had this exercise book or your own book that is, and it needed a signature of your parents once a week. You know, so that they know your progress.

 

My parents were those parents that is always busy of work during that time and I will always tend to forget to give it to them when they got back home.

 

And each morning they would tend to be in a really bad mood or was busy with their stuff and gets angry every-time I wanna say something. Well there a was a baby brother that time so...yeah.

 

The inner demon of me started to buy one of those tracing papers and copy my parents signature and I think you know the rest copying and pasting each week hehe

 

By the time like the 8-10 times I did that, the teacher found out it was fake, she said that it was too similar each week. Got detention and scolded by me mom, no lunch money and all sorts of things. 

 

The teacher also said that this was a serious offence and you may be sent to jail for this, I was like :

 

[pancakeface]

EDIT: Oh yes, I also regret saying a racial comment to one of the kids in middle school.  We could have been friends, but now we're not.

 

Definitely curious, what did you say?

 OH MY GOD. XD I laughed so hard, I almost swallowed another piece of gum.

 

Elaborate pls

[Karla]

Definitely curious, what did you say?

 

Putting this in a spoiler, because I'm bound to offend someone here.

 

Spoiler

I told an Asian girl that there were a lot of people like her in China, and that they all looked alike.