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Have the no contact rule ever worked for you?


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#1 Rogue

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 03:42 PM

So, I basically have been doing the no contact rule for 6 weeks and I don't feel fully healed yet and I have the urge to try to talk to my former SO.

 

Did any of you guys have any luck with the no contact rule?

 

"What is The No Contact Rule?

The no contact rule simply means not contacting your ex. Let’s just assume your ex is a drug that you are addicted to and the only way you can stop addiction of this drug is go cold turkey. That’s exactly what you are doing here. You are going cold turkey on your ex. Because in many cases people are addicted to their ex and they do need a cold turkey approach to break their addiction."

 

 

Do you find easier to overcome a relationship by stop talking to the person altogether - at least while you are still hurt - or becoming friends?



#2 Amethyst

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 03:47 PM

I have, it does work, it's hard but you really /really/ have to push through it, or like drugs you'll relapse, and you'll fall for that ex again.

 

In time however the feeling does fade.

 

Personally, I can't stay friends with my exes, I've tried that route but it just gets weird. 



#3 Rogue

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 03:48 PM

I have, it does work, it's hard but you really /really/ have to push through it, or like drugs you'll relapse, and you'll fall for that ex again.

 

In time however the feeling does fade.

 

Personally, I can't stay friends with my exes, I've tried that route but it just gets weird. 

 

But using the no contact rule to get your ex to miss you and contact you, do you feel like it's something that doesn't work?

 

Because I'm trying to think that they will eventually come back to trying to catch up, but I too hope to be over this feeling as soon as possible.



#4 Amethyst

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 03:53 PM

But using the no contact rule to get your ex to miss you and contact you, do you feel like it's something that doesn't work?

 

Because I'm trying to think that they will eventually come back to trying to catch up, but I too hope to be over this feeling as soon as possible.

 

It honestly depends on the person more than anything. 

 

sometimes it works, sometimes they'd take it as you wanting to be done so they move on. 



#5 bball4eva

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 04:06 PM

I've found this really is the best way to get over somebody. Fought it for a while in the past but you just keep crawling back to one another and having a very toxic relationship. No contact allows you both to move past the situation.



#6 Rogue

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 04:12 PM

Problem is I don't want to move past, I want to get back together. But at this point it sounds like I HAVE to walk past!



#7 Lollita

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 04:13 PM

I guess is the right thing to do. Not easy tho.. 



#8 Adam

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 04:32 PM

I guess I've never practiced the "No contact rule" with anyone. The girl I was with for the greater part of 2 years is still my friend on Facespace, and we still shoot each other happy birthday texts every year. I haven't seen her since the breakup in August of 2012, but I still think about her every so often. We'll just say that she ruined me. . .but that's a different subject :p. I'm not sure I could forget about her based off of social media contact, or lack there of.



#9 Scavi

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 04:32 PM

I think that that's the first step, and the wisest choice. You need to know what you want, though. If you want to get back together, this is a nice strategy but as long as you are not a dick and/or if you are ready to open dialogue whenever it is necesary. Nonetheless, I don't really recommend getting back together with someone (it really depends on the situation but ye). As it has been stated before, toxic relationships are really bad and you only get that once you've moved passed them


Edited by Scavi, 22 November 2015 - 04:33 PM.


#10 NeoVix

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 04:56 PM

Never tried this, still speak to most of my exes.



#11 Padme

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 05:30 PM

You need to be nice to yourself, remember that. 

 

I think 6 weeks is a start, it makes it easier to not contact the person but know that (from what I have read) most people generally don't see the turning point in moving on until the 3 month mark. What they mean by that is that you will generally feel better about the relationship ending and see the benefits of it's dissolution. That does not mean you will be totally moved on, in general I find a lot of my friends truly move on when about .5 the time of their relationship has elapsed (not always true but is an anecdotal observation.)

 

Lastly, there's always the good ol'get under someone else to get over it. I think the crude nature of the sentiment is a touch crass and not mentally supportive for a lot of people. However, I think there is something to be said about holding onto lingering feelings until you start having feelings for someone else. You don't have any other feelings to hold onto romantically speaking to empathize with others so it will be something you can easily recall and sometimes it helps them fully fade when you start seeing a new person.



#12 Swar

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:03 PM

I've heard that the no attachment rule works better.



#13 Rogue

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:11 PM

I've heard that the no attachment rule works better.

 

Yeah, but when it fails to work... you'll be damned!



#14 Romy

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:23 PM

I'm on pretty good terms with my exes. 

I think it's easier to keep them at arm's length. Resentment grows if you just completely shun them.



#15 Adam

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:27 PM

I'm on pretty good terms with my exes. 

I think it's easier to keep them at arm's length. Resentment grows if you just completely shun them.

And before you know it the resentment festers, and turns into anger. Then you wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and this is what's staring back.  :unsure:

Emperor_RotJ.png

 Woof



#16 Rogue

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:27 PM

I guess I've never practiced the "No contact rule" with anyone. The girl I was with for the greater part of 2 years is still my friend on Facespace, and we still shoot each other happy birthday texts every year. I haven't seen her since the breakup in August of 2012, but I still think about her every so often. We'll just say that she ruined me. . .but that's a different subject :p. I'm not sure I could forget about her based off of social media contact, or lack there of.

 

I'm on pretty good terms with my exes. 

I think it's easier to keep them at arm's length. Resentment grows if you just completely shun them.

 

But you guys mean you keep in touch even when the break up is recent and you both are not over each other yet?



#17 Adam

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:29 PM

But you guys mean you keep in touch even when the break up is recent and you both are not over each other yet?

Hmm I guess I overlooked the time period where the wounds are still fresh. I didn't talk to her, hid her on facebook, and unfollowed her twitter for a few months right after the breakup. 



#18 Romy

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:48 PM

But you guys mean you keep in touch even when the break up is recent and you both are not over each other yet?

Breakups happen for a reason. That should also be your reason to stay broken up.


And before you know it the resentment festers, and turns into anger. Then you wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and this is what's staring back.  :unsure:

Emperor_RotJ.png

 Woof

If I break up with @Chappy, will I be a sith lord?



#19 Adam

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 06:51 PM

Breakups happen for a reason. That should also be your reason to stay broken up.


If I break up with @Chappy, will I be a sith lord?

Only if you let the anger flow through you, only then will you have fulfilled your destiny.



#20 Chappy

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 07:16 PM

Breakups happen for a reason. That should also be your reason to stay broken up.


If I break up with @Chappy, will I be a sith lord?

 

wana see if it works? :D (jkjk sry )



#21 Emily

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 07:43 PM

It has worked for me. 



#22 Kaddict

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 09:36 PM

If you are trying to get over her: yes. Just move on, pretend like she doesn't mean anything to you. It will be hard but better in the long run. Since you want to get back together, way tougher. I have had a few gfs in the past where we try to "stay friends" and it never works. We always ended up hooking up again. It makes the eventual total breakoff that much harder. My advice: if you are done, just be done. Harder now but will pay dividends down the road.



#23 Mishelle

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Posted 22 November 2015 - 11:02 PM

It worked for me. I used to be obsessed with my ex and used "wanting to be friends" as an excuse to keep him around and keep tabs on his life. But after cutting contact for a couple months he's constantly trying to speak to me and I'm just like

tumblr_mvx02kmmpo1r4ak4to1_250.gif

#24 Bear

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Posted 03 December 2015 - 06:54 PM

Never look back. It's a part of your past and not your future. Dwelling in the past is a big no no.



#25 honeybun81

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Posted 07 December 2015 - 06:05 AM

I would say it's best to cut off contact completely in the first few weeks/months until you feel like you're ready. You don't have to wait until your feel 100% over the relationship, just more stable and not like you really want the other person back. In the long run, I think it's healthy to have a casual friendship with your exes, but it's definitely tricky to manage. But most of all, you need to do what feels best for you, and not force yourself into trying to feel better sooner. Especially if it was a serious relationship, things take time. 




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