Right then little kittens of Codex, it has been brought to my attention that many members have been dangerously and illegally using sporks. I am mostly aware of this because people keep tagging me to alert me to posts in the Neopets forums. I hate the Neopets forums, please don't do ever that. If you are particularly worried about a case of Improper Spork Usage, please direct your concerns to @Tauriel, your kindly (sometimes) local Spork Enforcement Officer.
To crack down on the work that Kate has to do and for the sake of my blood pressure, please find below the 2016 Spork Procedural Rules & Guidance Notes. Please familiarise yourself with these, even if you've spent years being prodded with sporks as they are subject to change.
-----
(1) The spork may be spoken about. Contrary to the belief of some, there is no automatic censorship regarding discussion of the spork, unless you think I would probably despise the member doing the talking (if in doubt it is best to remember that I am a) English and b) quite an angry young woman), in which case they do not deserve to speak the hallowed name of Spork. For instance, the sentence "Ali has a spork" carries absolutely no penalty, unless I consider you to be an absolute fucktard and feel like gouging out your eyes with the spork whenever I read your posts. In which case, please do hush up.
(2) The spork may not be used to threaten, reprimand or violence people without an Official Spork License. Sporks are dangerous; they are surprisingly pointy, they rust if not well maintained, you could have someone's eye out. That may be your intention. It may not be. It'll probably be @Waser Lave's eye, and a half blind badger is a terrible thing. He'll never find his way back to Farthing Wood.
(3) The spork may be used as a rusty and inferior weapon (as none have access to the shiny original Spork of Doom which is only used by oneself on ceremonial occasions) if that member has been designated an Official Spork Licensee (or award holder, whatever you want to call it). Irresponsible usage can and will be punished, but they have been bestowed with honour, passed a number of rigorous tests and are reexamined annually as to their suitability as Licensees. Clause 2 above therefore does not apply to any and all Licensees.
(4) The spork may be used by a non-Licensee, in moments of extreme peril. The test for this is usually two-fold:
(a) is the non-licensee a member that I, the Wielder of the Spork would not detest for their mere existence? (n.b. tricksy to ascertain, you have to look at past behaviours and interactions but ultimately, you are all subject to my changing whims)
(b) is the non-licensee using the spork in a situation where you consider I would also want to use the spork, and therefore the non-licensee could be said to be acting as my proxy?
(5) Any member can ask for the power of the spork to be invoked by an Official Licensee (please see list of current Licensees), and it is at the licensee's discretion whether to enact sporky vengeance on behalf of the requestor, applying a similar test as described in clause 4(b) above. If in any doubt as to the validity of a sporky vengeance claim, my decision is final and can be set asunder by no man, woman, owl or direwolf. Or badger.
Should you remain unclear as to correct spork usage according to the 2016 Spork Procedural Rules and Guidances Notes, please direct your queries to me in the first instance. For your own safety.
Kind regards,
Ali and 
Dated, this Tuesday 17th May 2016
Witnessed, by @Waser Lave and @Tauriel, both Official Spork Licensees
