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#51 Amethyst

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 07:49 PM

Oh wow, a legit triad?! That's awesome, I've never heard of that actually working IRL! I'm in a few V's. Husband has a girlfriend and I've been seeing a girl as well. We almost had a triad but it dissolved almost as soon as it began.

 

(sorry to hijack, also if anyone wants to PM me questions I am bi & genderqueerish. Also poly. Be nice :p)

 

Not hijacking at all! All people are welcome to this thread!



#52 ohml

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Posted 07 February 2017 - 10:48 PM

It's kind of alarming that you need LGBT people to explain why pedophilia is wrong.

 

I mean, in my first post I said that I don't agree with it, I just didn't have reasoning for it. Anyways...

 

15 million girls are married before the age of 18 every year. 700 million people today have been married to as children. I don't think this topic might be a big deal in your country, but that's like 10 percent of the world. Of course, most of these cases are in third world countries, but still. It's their tradition to do it. Shall we alter their traditions to fit ours? Should it be banned in "more developed" countries.

 

This might be getting off topic though lol


Edited by ohml, 07 February 2017 - 10:50 PM.


#53 Amethyst

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 07:39 AM

To just put this simply, even in other cultures, it's a fucked up practice I, and likely everyone on this thread doesn't agree with. 



#54 Turnip

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 09:01 AM

 "If Gays can be married, why not make polygamy legal too? Why not make that 60 year old man marry the 15 year old, they might have true love!" 

 

Personally, I disagree with that statement because I just don't think polygamy and pedophilia is right.  However, just saying "it just isn't right" won't cut it for me. How could one differentiate the LGBTQ community with polygamists or pedophiles?

 

There's a very, very large difference between sex between consenting adults and people who are unable to give consent. Three or more consenting adults in a polygamous relationship is fine. A man taking advantage of a young girl is absolutely not fine for obvious reasons.



#55 Trapezeo

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 09:16 AM

Oh wow, a legit triad?! That's awesome, I've never heard of that actually working IRL! I'm in a few V's. Husband has a girlfriend and I've been seeing a girl as well. We almost had a triad but it dissolved almost as soon as it began.

(sorry to hijack, also if anyone wants to PM me questions I am bi & genderqueerish. Also poly. Be nice :p)


Yep, a real working triad! It'll be 4.5 years in April. It's crazy how fast time has flown :)

#56 JinxProof

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 09:34 AM

Yep, a real working triad! It'll be 4.5 years in April. It's crazy how fast time has flown :)

That's so awesome! Seriously, congrats. I'm glad you've found people that make you happy <3



#57 Cass

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 02:51 PM

Don't worry, I don't think you should consider a discussion about polyamory hijacking this thread. Imo it can be equally included in an LGBT thread :) Though I may be alone in that opinion.

 

Now to actually contribute to the thread; I've ranted about this earlier elsewhere on the forum, but I'm bisexual and it still carries a lot of confusion. Somehow, although it seems simple it's still a very hard concept for people to grasp. Folk think it's either one or the other, but not both. The comments are almost never born out of negativity but out of curiousity. But it still often bothers me.

 

People'll say things like "But you have a boyfriend, so clearly you're straight" or "Nahh, you don't look gay" (1. I'm not, I'm bi and 2. what does a gay look like?) or better yet "Yeah, you're only saying that because it's hip right now". Yes, I'm sleeping with women because it's a fashionable fad. And the more harmless ones that keep asking "Yeah but which gender's better, women or men?", not realizing that they're both great but in their own way. It's comparing apples with pears. If it's all the same and perfectly interchangeable and comparable, why don't straight people choose to be gay because one's better than the other?

 

If serious conversations don't work I always jokingly say it's a manifestation of my extreme indecisiveness lol



#58 Amethyst

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 05:38 PM

Don't worry, I don't think you should consider a discussion about polyamory hijacking this thread. Imo it can be equally included in an LGBT thread :) Though I may be alone in that opinion.

 

Now to actually contribute to the thread; I've ranted about this earlier elsewhere on the forum, but I'm bisexual and it still carries a lot of confusion. Somehow, although it seems simple it's still a very hard concept for people to grasp. Folk think it's either one or the other, but not both. The comments are almost never born out of negativity but out of curiousity. But it still often bothers me.

 

People'll say things like "But you have a boyfriend, so clearly you're straight" or "Nahh, you don't look gay" (1. I'm not, I'm bi and 2. what does a gay look like?) or better yet "Yeah, you're only saying that because it's hip right now". Yes, I'm sleeping with women because it's a fashionable fad. And the more harmless ones that keep asking "Yeah but which gender's better, women or men?", not realizing that they're both great but in their own way. It's comparing apples with pears. If it's all the same and perfectly interchangeable and comparable, why don't straight people choose to be gay because one's better than the other?

 

If serious conversations don't work I always jokingly say it's a manifestation of my extreme indecisiveness lol

 

I know how this feels. People question my bisexuality because I have a girlfriend. Everyone assumes I'm straight but you know. Just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I stopped being attracted to men. :I 

 

I got called an attention whore a few times because "It's suddenly cool to be bi so that must be what you're doing." 



#59 JinxProof

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 09:29 PM

Don't worry, I don't think you should consider a discussion about polyamory hijacking this thread. Imo it can be equally included in an LGBT thread :) Though I may be alone in that opinion.

 

Now to actually contribute to the thread; I've ranted about this earlier elsewhere on the forum, but I'm bisexual and it still carries a lot of confusion. Somehow, although it seems simple it's still a very hard concept for people to grasp. Folk think it's either one or the other, but not both. The comments are almost never born out of negativity but out of curiousity. But it still often bothers me.

 

People'll say things like "But you have a boyfriend, so clearly you're straight" or "Nahh, you don't look gay" (1. I'm not, I'm bi and 2. what does a gay look like?) or better yet "Yeah, you're only saying that because it's hip right now". Yes, I'm sleeping with women because it's a fashionable fad. And the more harmless ones that keep asking "Yeah but which gender's better, women or men?", not realizing that they're both great but in their own way. It's comparing apples with pears. If it's all the same and perfectly interchangeable and comparable, why don't straight people choose to be gay because one's better than the other?

 

If serious conversations don't work I always jokingly say it's a manifestation of my extreme indecisiveness lol

I get so many side-eyes when I mention my husband that I've taken to referring to him as my partner/spouse. Cause I look very gay.

 

Also, apples are totally better than pears :p



#60 ohml

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 10:21 PM

Hmm? How is calling someone your partner/spouse make you look gay lol?



#61 Amethyst

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Posted 09 February 2017 - 07:30 AM

Hmm? How is calling someone your partner/spouse make you look gay lol?

 

Most people expect it to be a polite way of coming out as gay for some reason.



#62 Trichomes

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Posted 09 February 2017 - 08:21 AM

I know how this feels. People question my bisexuality because I have a girlfriend. Everyone assumes I'm straight but you know. Just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I stopped being attracted to men. :I 

 

I got called an attention whore a few times because "It's suddenly cool to be bi so that must be what you're doing." 

 

I don't even experience ignorant/biphobic comments because the topic of sexual orientation never even comes up. People just assume that because I'm in a long-term hetero relationship, I'm straight. I'm not though, and I don't feel comfortable being perceived as straight when the sexuality that I identify with is so misunderstood and misrepresented. Bi erasure is pretty much the reason I feel the need to slap a label on my sexuality.



#63 JinxProof

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Posted 09 February 2017 - 09:21 AM

Hmm? How is calling someone your partner/spouse make you look gay lol?

Sorry, I worded that poorly. Let me explain better.

 

I live in a very Queer area. It was known as lesbian city for a while. I also have very short hair and dress very butch, most people assume I'm a lesbian. When I mention I have a husband to people who aren't familiar with me, I get some... let's say interesting reactions. Because of that, I have taken to not mentioning the gender of my spouse to people I have just met.

 

So it's the opposite problem of being coded as straight but being bi. I'm coded as gay but I'm bi.



#64 friendlytrenchcoat

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 03:14 PM

I really hate that the community meets people with questions with hostility. How do we ever expect people to understand us. if we don't teach them about us? 

Some lesbians (not bi) like it when their girlfriend uses a strapon, right? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of being a lesbian?



#65 Amethyst

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 05:08 PM

Some lesbians (not bi) like it when their girlfriend uses a strapon, right? Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of being a lesbian?

 

Not sure what that had to do with my quote. I'm not a lesbian but I think I have somewhat of an answer for you. Putting it in some spoilers because it's a tad NSFW. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong lesbians of codex.

 

Spoiler



#66 Coops

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 07:04 PM

Currently in a triad relationship. It's not for everyone, but my boyfriends and I really enjoy it. I don't think I could be in an open relationship though.

Yay a fellow poly-ish person here! <3

I opened my marriage like a year and a half ago. We had this mini-triad thing for a couple months, but the third was kind of a dick, so it ended. Now we're just open to either having sex freely, or having a third, or each of us having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Whatever happens we're good with.

I agree it's not for everyone but if people communicate well, it can definitely work!

 

Oh wow, a legit triad?! That's awesome, I've never heard of that actually working IRL! I'm in a few V's. Husband has a girlfriend and I've been seeing a girl as well. We almost had a triad but it dissolved almost as soon as it began.

 

(sorry to hijack, also if anyone wants to PM me questions I am bi & genderqueerish. Also poly. Be nice :p)

Another poly person! Woo. <3

 

Also, on the topic of bi-erasure, I basically stopped identifying as pansexual because I've personally seen a lot of pansexual people act bi-phobic/trans-phobic as fuck. I caught myself even saying something somewhat trans-phobic (which is disappointing and shameful since my sis is trans, but we all mess up, it's how we decide to do better that matters) and it was from the culture of explaining pansexuality. So now I just identify as bisexual because it doesn't really change how I select my partners and I feel like it's a better label anyways.

Bi-erasure is a huge thing. Even the psychological academic community has been pretty shit about including bisexuality and discussing the social pressures they face.



#67 JinxProof

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 07:37 PM

Yay a fellow poly-ish person here! <3

I opened my marriage like a year and a half ago. We had this mini-triad thing for a couple months, but the third was kind of a dick, so it ended. Now we're just open to either having sex freely, or having a third, or each of us having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Whatever happens we're good with.

I agree it's not for everyone but if people communicate well, it can definitely work!

 

Another poly person! Woo. <3

 

Also, on the topic of bi-erasure, I basically stopped identifying as pansexual because I've personally seen a lot of pansexual people act bi-phobic/trans-phobic as fuck. I caught myself even saying something somewhat trans-phobic (which is disappointing and shameful since my sis is trans, but we all mess up, it's how we decide to do better that matters) and it was from the culture of explaining pansexuality. So now I just identify as bisexual because it doesn't really change how I select my partners and I feel like it's a better label anyways.

Bi-erasure is a huge thing. Even the psychological academic community has been pretty shit about including bisexuality and discussing the social pressures they face.

Oooh, that's super interesting. I've heard people say that bisexuality is inherently transphobic but rarely hear it being said about pansexuality. Would you mind giving more details on that? I've said some pretty nasty things but I agree, it's how you learn to mature and get better.

 

It's funny, I actually just struck a #polyproblem today. It's not always easy!



#68 Coops

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 07:50 PM

Oooh, that's super interesting. I've heard people say that bisexuality is inherently transphobic but rarely hear it being said about pansexuality. Would you mind giving more details on that? I've said some pretty nasty things but I agree, it's how you learn to mature and get better.

 

It's funny, I actually just struck a #polyproblem today. It's not always easy!

Generally, I've heard pansexual people imply that trans-people aren't real men or women (unintentionally I think). The comments made are generally along the lines of "well, unlike bisexual people, I like transpeople too" which is subtle, but still harmful. I get it since our concept of man/woman is so ingrained and it will take time to change how we talk about our gender. But yeah, after seeing/hearing it so many times, it left a bad taste in my mouth and I decided to move away from identifying with pansexuality. Maybe I'm reading too far into it, but yeah, that's how it would come across to me.



#69 JinxProof

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 08:09 PM

Generally, I've heard pansexual people imply that trans-people aren't real men or women (unintentionally I think). The comments made are generally along the lines of "well, unlike bisexual people, I like transpeople too" which is subtle, but still harmful. I get it since our concept of man/woman is so ingrained and it will take time to change how we talk about our gender. But yeah, after seeing/hearing it so many times, it left a bad taste in my mouth and I decided to move away from identifying with pansexuality. Maybe I'm reading too far into it, but yeah, that's how it would come across to me.

ahhh yeah. It's like when a drop down menu has Man/Woman/Transgender. It's well intentioned but unfortunately others and misunderstands the concept.



#70 Coops

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 03:58 AM

ahhh yeah. It's like when a drop down menu has Man/Woman/Transgender. It's well intentioned but unfortunately others and misunderstands the concept.

That's actually a hella good way to put it. 



#71 Amarillo

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 06:50 AM

wanna ask something...

 

why queers, trans and lesbian HATES manly gay men? yesterday a group of gay people discriminated me because i was too manly to enter to a gay party... :( i like dicks, and always have fun with trans/lesbians 



#72 NeoVix

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Posted 14 February 2017 - 03:38 PM

2 of my lesbian friends have been deceived by transgender people recently, then accused of being bigoted. Is it a common thought among the transgender community that lesbians should sleep with transwomen (especially those who have not had bottom surgery) as this seems crazy to me? The general 'trans thoughts' round here seem to be...sex is irrelevant, its all about 'gender' and if you use someones sex as a ballpark, you are a bigot. However, this line of thought totally erases homosexuality, and heterosexuality too? Researching this on the internet introduced me to the term 'cotton ceiling' which I find repulsive and...a bit rapey if I am honest.

 

1 of my friends was not told the transwoman was a transwoman. She took 'her' home, were getting down, then discovered a penis. When she said she was gay, the transwoman claimed that as she had been attracted to her up until that stage this means that she is transphobic and a 'vagina fetishist'?! She ended up being struck in the face for continuing to insist that she was a lesbian. Transwoman said 'she' was a lesbian too...etc. After gaining a black eye, she did manage to get the transwoman to leave, but she has been harassed ever since by a large group of people who agree that declining penis makes one a transphobe..

 

And IF this is a common line of thought (I am genuinely hoping its just a couple of crazies with this view, but it seems not) then why attach the T to LGB if sexuality in itself is bigoted?

 

I think of this from the other way too. If I was not married and was out on the pull and a passing transman came onto me..I would feel so deceived if I took them home and there was a vagina staring me in the face? I don't think this is wrong but maybe I am?


Edited by NeoVix, 14 February 2017 - 03:51 PM.


#73 Amethyst

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Posted 14 February 2017 - 03:53 PM

2 of my lesbian friends have been deceived by transgender people recently, then accused of being bigoted. Is it a common thought among the transgender community that lesbians should sleep with transwomen (especially those who have not had bottom surgery) as this seems crazy to me? The general 'trans thoughts' round here seem to be...sex is irrelevant, its all about 'gender' and if you use someones sex as a ballpark, you are a bigot. However, this line of thought totally erases homosexuality, and heterosexuality too? Researching this on the internet introduced me to the term 'cotton ceiling' which I find repulsive and...a bit rapey if I am honest.

 

1 of my friends was not told the transwoman was a transwoman. She took 'her' home, were getting down, then discovered a penis. When she said she was gay, the transwoman claimed that as she had been attracted to her up until that stage this means that she is transphobic and a 'vagina fetishist'?! She ended up being struck in the face for continuing to insist that she was a lesbian. Transwoman said 'she' was a lesbian too...etc. After gaining a black eye, she did manage to get the transwoman to leave, but she has been harassed ever since by a large group of people who agree that declining penis makes one a transphobe..

 

And IF this is a common line of thought (I am genuinely hoping its just a couple of crazies with this view, but it seems not) then why attach the T to LGB if sexuality in itself is bigoted?

 

I think of this from the other way too. If I was not married and was out on the pull and a passing transman came onto me..I would feel so deceived if I took them home and there was a vagina staring me in the face? I don't think this is wrong but maybe I am?

 

First off, it's not transphobic to have preferences, because at that point you're demanding sexuality is a choice. 

 

Second, the 'she' wasn't really necessary, she's a woman. Just because it's okay not to be attracted to certain women doesn't mean it's okay to disrespect them. 



#74 NeoVix

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Posted 14 February 2017 - 04:35 PM

Sorry was unsure how to put that as the person in question prefers 'ze'. And ze wouldn't have made much sense unless I explained the pronoun thing which I thought was rather irrelevant to the post :S



#75 Amethyst

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Posted 14 February 2017 - 04:46 PM

Sorry was unsure how to put that as the person in question prefers 'ze'. And ze wouldn't have made much sense unless I explained the pronoun thing which I thought was rather irrelevant to the post :S

 

Oh, sorry, I'm used to people doing that. But no, I get you on that one. 




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