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Sleeping with a married person


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#1 Trapezeo

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:07 PM

What are your thoughts on a person sleeping with a married person? Would you shame either person? Just the married person? Would it matter if the married person were of the same sex as the other person? How would you feel if they were of the opposite sex? Do you think a person being bi makes it any different?



#2 Elindoril

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:19 PM

Well if someone would stoop to levels of knowingly sleeping with a married person I'm sure they could find a reason to stoop to shaming or blackmailing the married individual too. If someone was innocently led to believe their partner was single I think they'd probably be too shocked from the revelation to think about anything else. Least of all shaming the person. I guess shame them for being a jerk and not married.

 

I don't really think anything else relates to the act though. The gender nor sexual orientation is really a key factor in the decision making of an individual. I guess being bisexual has more temptation and a greater pool of people to sleep with, but little more than that.



#3 Trapezeo

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:24 PM

Well if someone would stoop to levels of knowingly sleeping with a married person I'm sure they could find a reason to stoop to shaming or blackmailing the married individual too. If someone was innocently led to believe their partner was single I think they'd probably be too shocked from the revelation to think about anything else. Least of all shaming the person. I guess shame them for being a jerk and not married.

 

I don't really think anything else relates to the act though. The gender nor sexual orientation is really a key factor in the decision making of an individual. I guess being bisexual has more temptation and a greater pool of people to sleep with, but little more than that.

 

Would you have different thoughts if it was just a one time hookup?



#4 Elindoril

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:27 PM

Would you have different thoughts if it was just a one time hookup?


Depends on the type of relationship the married couple has. Is it an open relationship? Are they committed emotionally, but free to explore sexually? I'm fine if both individuals are okay with sleeping with other people, but if either person is misleading their partner that's when a line is crossed. Doesn't matter if it's once or more.



#5 Trapezeo

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:29 PM

Depends on the type of relationship the married couple has. Is it an open relationship? Are they committed emotionally, but free to explore sexually? I'm fine if both individuals are okay with sleeping with other people, but if either person is misleading their partner that's when a line is crossed. Doesn't matter if it's once or more.

Understandable. If the unmarried person doesn't know the other person's relationship type then it could be a little complicated too.



#6 Elindoril

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:33 PM

Understandable. If the unmarried person doesn't know the other person's relationship type then it could be a little complicated too.

 

I'd safely assume a person is single if they're interested and pursuing either a good time or a committed relationship. Might be good to ask first though.

 

But hey I'm just naive.



#7 Trapezeo

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:38 PM

I mainly made this topic to see what people had to say. I may or may not have also been the single guy recently. 



#8 Rocket

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 06:07 PM

I think if you knowingly get involved with a married person, you're a piece of shit. If you're married and stepping out on your partner behind their back, you're a piece a shit. I don't care if you are straight, gay, or bi, I'll still think you're a piece of shit. End of story. 



#9 Amethyst

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 06:11 PM

I think if you knowingly get involved with a married person, you're a piece of shit. If you're married and stepping out on your partner behind their back, you're a piece a shit. I don't care if you are straight, gay, or bi, I'll still think you're a piece of shit. End of story. 

 

This.

 

Just a nasty ass home wrecker.



#10 cara

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:22 PM

There are just .. so many people to pick from in this world. So I don’t understand when people pick someone who is already in a committed relationship. I will literally never understand it.

I have one friend who slept with a married person (did not know he was married at time, he deceived her), but opted not to tell the wife when she found out. The disappointment that I feel in her as a human being is to the point where I cannot think about it or else I couldn’t be her friend anymore. She’s more of a distant friend now, but I was totally appalled at the time. Like I get her not knowing, that’s not her fault. But her not wanting to tell the wife because it’s not her business is messed up.

#11 Kaddict

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 09:10 PM

I do this regularly, although not as often as I would like. Especially since residency started :'-(

#12 Bones

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 12:10 AM

 

I think if you knowingly get involved with a married person, you're a piece of shit. If you're married and stepping out on your partner behind their back, you're a piece a shit. I don't care if you are straight, gay, or bi, I'll still think you're a piece of shit. End of story. 

 

Total Agree^

 

I come from a home which has been broken up twice by infidelity.  If a married person does not love their partner anymore move on dont put people through this shit.



#13 Trapezeo

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 03:14 AM

I personally don't feel like a piece of shit, but maybe my morals are low. It was a one time thing and anonymous. We chatted online, I went to his hotel, things happened, and then I left and he left town the next day. I didn't even know his name. I don't know his relationship with his wife and didn't ask. I just asked if he was married because I knew he didn't want to share a face picture until we agreed to meet. 

 

I fully understand where everyone is coming from though. 

 

@cara, out of curiosity, how many times did they sleep together?



#14 Sweeney

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 04:34 AM

I personally don't feel like a piece of shit, but maybe my morals are low. It was a one time thing and anonymous. We chatted online, I went to his hotel, things happened, and then I left and he left town the next day. I didn't even know his name. I don't know his relationship with his wife and didn't ask. I just asked if he was married because I knew he didn't want to share a face picture until we agreed to meet. 
 
I fully understand where everyone is coming from though.


If you understand where everyone is coming from... do you not agree with them?

#15 cara

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 05:41 AM

I personally don't feel like a piece of shit, but maybe my morals are low. It was a one time thing and anonymous. We chatted online, I went to his hotel, things happened, and then I left and he left town the next day. I didn't even know his name. I don't know his relationship with his wife and didn't ask. I just asked if he was married because I knew he didn't want to share a face picture until we agreed to meet.

I fully understand where everyone is coming from though.

@cara, out of curiosity, how many times did they sleep together?


Just the once. And she looked him up on Facebook after which resulted in finding out he was married.

#16 Drops

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 06:16 AM

Been there, done that. If it's not with you, it will be with someone else, they are the ones who should be faithful and not you.



#17 Sweeney

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 06:48 AM

Been there, done that. If it's not with you, it will be with someone else, they are the ones who should be faithful and not you.


That's not a super clear moral stance, there. If you agree that cheating is unfaithful, and therefore implicitly immoral, do you not also bear part of the responsibility even though you were not the cheater?

There's a reason people can be charged as accessories to crimes when assisting someone they know is going to break the law.

#18 Dazz

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 07:57 AM

I don't see a problem with it as long as both in the marriage are fine with it. It's not an uncommon thing in the kink community, especially with the whole hotwives, threesomes, cucks, swingers thing. It's more just seen as a fun activity. It all depends on the people, if you're the jealous type then don't bother, but some see and think sex is more a passionate embrace to share with your lover, others see it as just a fun side activity.

 

I've known both sides, I know couples with open relationships who are more than fine because the love stays between them, the sex is more just exploration fun. The relationships? still as strong as ever. I've also known others like one of my best friends recently slept with someone in a relationship, but she didn't find out until after. She was devastated and felt sick but mainly because she thought he was lovely and wanted to pursue more.

 

To call someone a piece of shit for getting involved with a married person isn't fair without the details. Just because their relationship isn't the same as your ideal one, the dynamics could be totally different, and if everyone involved is okay with it then why is that a problem to you? That being said if it's done behind the partner's back and without their knowledge then yes i'm completely against that. There are pornstars with marriages/relationships too but I guess they're all pieces of shit. Fucking sinners, may they burn in hell. God bless they need some Jesus in their lives. 



#19 Sweeney

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:03 AM

To call someone a piece of shit for getting involved with a married person isn't fair without the details. Just because their relationship isn't the same as your ideal one, the dynamics could be totally different, and if everyone involved is okay with it then why is that a problem to you? That being said if it's done behind the partner's back and without their knowledge then yes i'm completely against that. There are pornstars with marriages/relationships too but I guess they're all pieces of shit. Fucking sinners, may they burn in hell. God bless they need some Jesus in their lives.


I don't think anyone who has posted has a problem with it if all parties are aware. As far as I can see, all the vitriol is directed towards the deceptive relationships.

#20 Drops

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:06 AM

 

 

That's not a super clear moral stance, there. If you agree that cheating is unfaithful, and therefore implicitly immoral, do you not also bear part of the responsibility even though you were not the cheater?

There's a reason people can be charged as accessories to crimes when assisting someone they know is going to break the law. 

 

Yeah I was too vague, you're right!

 

I also agree that it's all about your moral set. I don't think it's right when someone seduces a married person, even worse if they are friends with their partner, but I don't see any problem when someone married comes to you. Of course, if you have all those moral values and is a "honorable" person you might find it wrong, but that's your opinion and nothing more. By either denying or accepting the invite you're not changing the final result of the whole thing.

I've been cheated in the past and the only person responsible for it was my ex, that simple.

 

also lol you can't compare a relationship with a crime



#21 Sweeney

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:16 AM

Yeah I was too vague, you're right!
 
I also agree that it's all about your moral set. I don't think it's right when someone seduces a married person, even worse if they are friends with their partner, but I don't see any problem when someone married comes to you. Of course, if you have all those moral values and is a "honorable" person you might find it wrong, but that's your opinion and nothing more. By either denying or accepting the invite you're not changing the final result of the whole thing.
I've been cheated in the past and the only person responsible for it was my ex, that simple.
 
also lol you can't compare a relationship with a crime


lol you absolutely can when we're talking about a violation of trust.
If you asked me not to eat any of the cookies you baked for your Mom, then eating them would be a dick move. If I offered them to my wife without telling her they were not meant to be eaten, she's not responsible because she didn't know. But if I offer them to my wife and tell her they're not meant to be eaten she becomes a conspirator and is responsible also.

It sounds to me like you don't believe the less aggressive person in a relationship holds any responsibility for their actions - like if someone seduced you, you'd lose all capacity to think for yourself. No doubt that your ex is responsible for cheating on you, but if the person they cheated on you with was aware that it was an adulterous relationship then they are responsible too.

#22 Amethyst

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:24 AM

I don't see a problem with it as long as both in the marriage are fine with it. It's not an uncommon thing in the kink community, especially with the whole hotwives, threesomes, cucks, swingers thing. It's more just seen as a fun activity. It all depends on the people, if you're the jealous type then don't bother, but some see and think sex is more a passionate embrace to share with your lover, others see it as just a fun side activity.

 

I've known both sides, I know couples with open relationships who are more than fine because the love stays between them, the sex is more just exploration fun. The relationships? still as strong as ever. I've also known others like one of my best friends recently slept with someone in a relationship, but she didn't find out until after. She was devastated and felt sick but mainly because she thought he was lovely and wanted to pursue more.

 

To call someone a piece of shit for getting involved with a married person isn't fair without the details. Just because their relationship isn't the same as your ideal one, the dynamics could be totally different, and if everyone involved is okay with it then why is that a problem to you? That being said if it's done behind the partner's back and without their knowledge then yes i'm completely against that. There are pornstars with marriages/relationships too but I guess they're all pieces of shit. Fucking sinners, may they burn in hell. God bless they need some Jesus in their lives. 

 

Consent from the other person wasn't mentioned, obviously it's fine of both parties are cool with it.

 

Calm down would you?



#23 Volition

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:48 AM

All onus is on the married person. I have no obligation to preserve their relationship. Your marriage is not my concern, you want to maintain your relationship that's your business. This is something I don't understand, why people give shit to 'homewreckers', all it takes is for the married person to say no. That being said, if I was married I sure as hell wouldn't cheat. 



#24 Trapezeo

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:55 AM

In my context: he was online and sent me the first message. He never told me he was married until I asked him. He asked me if it was a problem and I said no, so he had me come to his hotel.

#25 Bellerin

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:57 AM

Not my marriage, not my problem. I’m not being shackled by someone’s else shaky morality.


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