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Words of Peackocky



Living a Lie

Posted by Jozie, 29 November 2018 · 1466 views

I look in the mirror. And see my reflection
And all I want is to feel a connection.
To the outside world I may seem ok.
But if you really knew, I'm fading away.
The flame I had that once burned bright
Is barely more than a flicker of light.
Everything around me is dull and dreary,
As my soul grows lone and weary.
As I go on with this life.
All I will feel is turmoil and strife.
I cannot tell whether my smile is real,
So I look to my reflection to understand how I feel.
To you my eyes seem happy and bright,
But to read my mind would give you a fright.
Long gone are the days of true happiness and glee.
When my daughter passed on, so did a part of me.
No one even suspects; I put on a good show.
Everyone thinks I am strong, but that's only what I want them to know.
Every day I wake up is a true struggle.
I'd rather be somewhere else; let me walk through that tunnel.
They say that only the strong survive,
So I guess that's why I'm still alive.
But every day I put on a smile,
And wonder when I will walk my last mile.
Life is precious I know this is true.
And that is why I live like I do.
So just know every day is a lie.
Instead of smiling, I just want to cry.
I wish I could show my true emotion.
But that would cause you true commotion.
I'm empty inside, but only you see
The lies I live, and forever will be.
The heaviness I feel will burden thee.
Which is why I wish my soul was free.
Free from the hurt and all the pain,
And all the thoughts that put me in vain.
And now I'm pushed up against the wall,
Falling faster, please! Just let me fall!
Once I hit the bottom, then you will see!
Then, and only then, will my soul be free.
No more hurt, and no more pain.
Just the moment, I meet my daughter again.

 

Author: Jozie (Bobbie) Zbierajewski




Job update!

Posted by Jozie, 12 November 2018 · 1193 views

So, I now work at the courts. I didn't want to be a sitting duck to being fired so I just transferred out of the hospital and to the courts. So far, I love working the courts. It is easy work. The only difficult thing is Wednesday thru Friday, I am standing 7 hours of my 8 hour shift. And Saturday and Sunday it feels like I am working a 12 hour shift instead of 8 hours. But I can't complain. Saturday and Sunday I work at Night court so I can play on my phone and watch TV and stuff. Weekends are dead at night court so not many interruptions. Oh yeah and the soap and water at night court makes my hands extremely dry!!! I hate that feeling. Good thing I have lotion in my work bag! I like all of my coworkers so far too. All seem down to earth. Still have my guard up though because I am still trying to figure out who I can and cannot trust!







November 2018

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