49 replies to this topic

[Supernature]

Sooo, I need some relationship advice.

Me - 21/m Partner - 28/m

I've been with my boyfriend a little over a year now, and things have been really bland for the past few months. We never really had /much/ sex in the beginning, maybe once a week. Despite him mentioning that he was quite a whore in college, he is never in the mood now apparently. We went over a month before and I was about to explode. I am a very sexual person, and to just be rejected so many times was just making me rage. So, I have been making attempts to get him in the mood, and it was no use. I pretty much put everything in perspective for him; he can either go to the doctor and get examined and get some pills or we were breaking up. So, he went to the doctor, got some pills. We tried them, they work great. He gets really horny after about a half hour, and we have sex. He got the pills 3 weeks ago, and we've only used them twice. He won't even take the pills to get in the mood to fulfill me.

Because of all this, I've been a raging bitch. I can understand if he had a problem or if he was abstinent (lol) or something, but it just seems to me that he's being lazy. He get's mad at me because I'm pissed/annoyed and tells me I'm being unreasonable.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I just finally break up with him? The only big problem is that we live together (it worked out well for convenience really), and it just feels like a big cluterfuck because I do depend on him for some things financially because I'm in university, but at the expense of not being intimate with my BOYFRIEND?

Anyways, rant probably. Any input is appreciated.

[iargue]

Relationship done.

Break up with him. Date someone exactly the same before your just a stupid girl. Come back and ask the same question.

The world continues on.

[Scot]

I have a friend who never breaks up with his gfs. When he wants to end a relationship he starts to act distance and "gets caught" cheating so they break up with him.

Break up with him. Date someone exactly the same before your just a stupid girl.

They are both guys

[Boggart]

Pssh I say you're overreacting. While sex can be important it shouldn't define the damn thing

Assuming that that's the only problem though; how well do you connect on an emotional level?

[iargue]

I have a friend who never breaks up with his gfs. When he wants to end a relationship he starts to act distance and "gets caught" cheating so they break up with him.



They are both guys

The complaining sounds the same. The principle remains the same.

[Scot]

Remember, it's not over until it's Facebook Official.

[Supernature]

I know sex isn't everything, and at first it was okay that we didn't have sex terribly often. But as it started getting more and more infrequent, it just annoys me. Like I said, there have been times where I haven't gotten a mere beej in over a month, and it was torture. I know sex isn't essential for everybody, but if it makes me feel good, shouldn't he feel obligated to just sacrifice some of his time for me? Even if it's just to take care of me and not even get him off..

[Boggart]

I know sex isn't everything, and at first it was okay that we didn't have sex terribly often. But as it started getting more and more infrequent, it just annoys me. Like I said, there have been times where I haven't gotten a mere beej in over a month, and it was torture. I know sex isn't essential for everybody, but if it makes me feel good, shouldn't he feel obligated to just sacrifice some of his time for me? Even if it's just to take care of me and not even get him off..

It depends though, if he's not doing it maybe he really doesn't want to. Or it could be an act that he's just a selfish person. I don't know him soooo O.o

[iargue]

I know sex isn't everything, and at first it was okay that we didn't have sex terribly often. But as it started getting more and more infrequent, it just annoys me. Like I said, there have been times where I haven't gotten a mere beej in over a month, and it was torture. I know sex isn't essential for everybody, but if it makes me feel good, shouldn't he feel obligated to just sacrifice some of his time for me? Even if it's just to take care of me and not even get him off..

Sex is important.

I'm not even a sexual person honestly. I have never ever met someone and just wanted to have sex with them. Relationship/love is always my first priority. But it would never ever ever be in a relationship were we did not have sex regularly. If you love someone and dont have sex, then its just a friendship, and you should move on.

And if you dont have sex a shitfuckton in the beginning, its destined to fail. There was no spark then.

[Trichomes]

If you're just sticking around because it's financially comfortable for you, then yes, break up. I don't know how much you actually care about the guy, but if you want things to work out, maybe you should seek therapy. Have you considered the fact that maybe he's just depressed?

Edited by Trichomes, 16 February 2011 - 08:43 PM.

[WharfRat]

I suggest that you try to find the underlying problem behind his lack of desire for sex... If you said he used to be a bit of a whore and you are begging for sexual attention, there is clearly something else going on.

Is he happy with work? family? your relationship? financially? Might he feel like you are pressuring him so much that he is just unable to fulfill you?

Try to take a step back and place yourself into his shoes or talk to him and see what the problem really is. (If he is willing to talk about it.)

I don't think sex should define a relationship. I'm not suggesting that your sex life sounds healthy, but I also don't think that this is any reason to immediately end a relationship... I don't mean to be judgmental, but it actually sounds like you are being impatient and demanding and possibly impeding upon your partners sexual desires/emotional needs. I don't really know your situation, so I clearly cannot make that call. However, I do think that you should give some thought and time into solving the problem at hand instead of just demanding that he take pills and satisfy you immediately.

Best of luck regardless!

P.s. If you are financially dependent upon him, I also would highly recommend you don't just end it... The process of either living together with tension or having to find a new place to live and hope you can support yourself are neither very good options...

[jcrdude]

This is probably unethical, but try slipping them into food/drink?

[Boggart]

This is probably unethical, but try slipping them into food/drink?

I think that's also illegal O.o

[WharfRat]

Sex is important.

I'm not even a sexual person honestly. I have never ever met someone and just wanted to have sex with them. Relationship/love is always my first priority. But it would never ever ever be in a relationship were we did not have sex regularly. If you love someone and dont have sex, then its just a friendship, and you should move on.

And if you dont have sex a shitfuckton in the beginning, its destined to fail. There was no spark then.

Sorry... but I had to comment on this. Bullshit.

I didn't have sex with my gf for the first 1.5 years - 2 years we casually dated... We focused firstly on building a solid relationship to each other as people without sex being in the picture at all.... (for the record, we have plenty of sex now... sometimes it feels like more sex than relationship stuff at all!)

My point here is that you are making a broad generalization and it is inaccurate.

[Scot]

I think we are all missing the point here. The other guy is no longer sexually attracted to supernature. I think he should end it first but it seems like the majority want this to be dragged out and beaten to death.

[Mr. Hobo]

. If you are financially dependent upon him, I also would highly recommend you don't just end it... The process of either living together with tension or having to find a new place to live and hope you can support yourself are neither very good options...

I dunno man. I don't think you should be dating a dude just to get someone to depend on

[Boggart]

I think we are all missing the point here. The other guy is no longer sexually attracted to supernature. I think he should end it first but it seems like the majority want this to be dragged out and beaten to death.

Who says it's because he's not attracted to him? Even when they me they were like that ; maybe this is just normal for him and he's just in the comfortable phase of the relationship and Supernature clearly isn't okay with that yet.

[Supernature]

If you're just sticking around because it's financially comfortable for you, then yes, break up. I don't know how much you actually care about the guy, but if you want things to work out, maybe you should seek therapy. Have you considered the fact that maybe he's just depressed?

I can honestly say that if we were having sex at least one every week or two, I would be happy. Everything else would be fine, it's just that the constant rejection just makes me feel like shit and worthless. In turn, that's affecting other aspects of our relationship. There's an easy fix, just pop a boner pill. But he never wants to do it. He works, and when he comes home, all that he wants to do is watch TV and eat. I understand his job may be stressful, but I'm getting fed up. I almost feel like I'm already in some sexless middle-age relationship.

Our living condition is kind of yin and yang. He travels for work, I take care of his dogs. I don't pay rent, but I pay for two of the monthly bills, as well as our phone bill. So, he kind of depends on me and I on him.

I've tried talking to him multiple times, and his response is always the same; "I'll try harder."

I've discussed this with him at least 5 times, I know of. If nothing has changed, maybe it never will. I think I may give him one final talking to this weekend. Maybe we need a break, or even just be friends.

[WharfRat]

I dunno man. I don't think you should be dating a dude just to get someone to depend on

I'm not suggesting that... I'm suggesting supernature consider the consequences of breaking it off in this spur of the moment rage over a lack of sex and possibly risking livelihood as well as a relationship... or figuring out the source of the problem and solving it.

@Scot, It's very possible that he is still physically attracted to supernature. A lot of times stress and other factors like depression could be the cause of the lack of sex drive... It may be more difficult to aim to identify the problem and solve it than to cut and run, but that isn't the responsible or mature thing to do.

[Trichomes]

Edit: Nevermind, totally misread that.

Edited by Trichomes, 16 February 2011 - 08:53 PM.

[iargue]

Sorry... but I had to comment on this. Bullshit.

I didn't have sex with my gf for the first 1.5 years - 2 years we casually dated... We focused firstly on building a solid relationship to each other as people without sex being in the picture at all.... (for the record, we have plenty of sex now... sometimes it feels like more sex than relationship stuff at all!)

My point here is that you are making a broad generalization and it is inaccurate.

Yeah, and you guys have broken up like 20 times and everything else. No going to last. Get over it already.

[WharfRat]

Yeah, and you guys have broken up like 20 times and everything else. No going to last. Get over it already.

Before you get on your holy pulpit of knowing all about successful relationships, may I ask when your last successful relationship was? Please call me when you've had one and maybe then I'll solicit your advice.

[Boggart]

Okay guys let's no derail it and start fighting O.o

Supernature: the first month was probably a good indicator that he's not a sexual person and I'm guessing it's nothing personal. The fact that you've been in a relationship for over a year shows that you're"good enough" i.e. he's not rejecting you.

I realize that sex is important for some people (it really isn't for me) and if you've already tried talking to him about it, there's really not much you can do just weigh it out and see if it's worth it.

[iargue]

Before you get on your holy pulpit of knowing all about successful relationships, may I ask when your last successful relationship was? Please call me when you've had one and maybe then I'll solicit your advice.

Maybe I am married? What do you know about me? Nothing.

[Supernature]

Okay guys let's no derail it and start fighting O.o

Supernature: the first month was probably a good indicator that he's not a sexual person and I'm guessing it's nothing personal. The fact that you've been in a relationship for over a year shows that you're"good enough" i.e. he's not rejecting you.

I realize that sex is important for some people (it really isn't for me) and if you've already tried talking to him about it, there's really not much you can do just weigh it out and see if it's worth it.

I suppose. I'm going to have a talk with him, again, this weekend and see what comes of it. I know that if things don't change, I'm going to be even more miserable another year down the road..