49 replies to this topic

[WharfRat]

Maybe I am married? What do you know about me? Nothing.

I suppose that you have to take everything said over the internet with a grain of salt... On that same token, you really have no idea about the inner workings of my relationship. You should really limit your holier-than-thou advice column for things that you have experience in, however.

[Boggart]

I suppose. I'm going to have a talk with him, again, this weekend and see what comes of it. I know that if things don't change, I'm going to be even more miserable another year down the road..

Well if you're going to be miserable obviously don't stay together O.o

I know that this is a major problem but just one simple question: Does he make you happy? Does he make you feel special and all that stuff? You're young (older than me, but still young xD) and clearly sex is still ... relatively new (for lack of better terms) while clearly he's had his fill (that wasn't supposed to be a gay joke) so he should be more understanding why it's so important for you. That being said, you should understand that he might have a good reason and not be too hasty with judgement O.o

[iargue]

I realize that sex is important for some people (it really isn't for me) and if you've already tried talking to him about it, there's really not much you can do just weigh it out and see if it's worth it.

Sex is important to you. Dont lie.

[Boggart]

Sex is important to you. Dont lie.

It really isn't. Like I could give details, but believe me when I say I was fine for two months without.

I was the one who withheld, remember?

[iargue]

It really isn't. Like I could give details, but believe me when I say I was fine for two months without.

I was the one who withheld, remember?

and you also have dreams about sex. Clearly you just haven't found the right person.

Its 100% counter to your biology.

[Supernature]

Well if you're going to be miserable obviously don't stay together O.o

I know that this is a major problem but just one simple question: Does he make you happy? Does he make you feel special and all that stuff? You're young (older than me, but still young xD) and clearly sex is still ... relatively new (for lack of better terms) while clearly he's had his fill (that wasn't supposed to be a gay joke) so he should be more understanding why it's so important for you. That being said, you should understand that he might have a good reason and not be too hasty with judgement O.o

He does make me happy, usually. Well, he did at least. I've just been a bitch lately.

I agree with the whole new sex thing, too. I've had sex with two people, him being one of them. Whereas, I'm sure his is some number I don't care to know.

[Dayzee]

At age 28 sex should be important to him unless

1. He's not in love with you or is not into you physically
2. He has a physical problem
3. He is sexually anorexic

If it's #1 move on. It's destined to fail eventually anyway. If it's #2 move on, unless you really, really love him and are willing to wait until the problem is fixed, if ever. Or you are willing to live with it as is. If it's #3, don't just move on, run, run, RUN. Sexual anorexia is usually the result of a fear of intimacy, sexual anxiety, or fear of rejection or criticism. It often goes hand-in-hand with porn addiction where the anorexic, over time, actually comes to prefer porn and masturbating to real-life sex. These people have a hard time investing themselves emotionally and prefer non-intimate sex. If you think your guy could be #3, I would seriously consider getting out unless you absolutely cannot live without him.

It really isn't. Like I could give details, but believe me when I say I was fine for two months without.

I was the one who withheld, remember?

Even if sex isn't that important to you, you should be happy to comply with someone's desire for you if you love that person. Certainly more than once per month...unless, they aren't the person who rocks your world.

[Boggart]

He does make me happy, usually. Well, he did at least. I've just been a bitch lately.

I agree with the whole new sex thing, too. I've had sex with two people, him being one of them. Whereas, I'm sure his is some number I don't care to know.

i've only been with 1 and I'm not obsessed or anything. Just the way I was raised? Iunno. ASIAN ()

At age 28 sex should be important to him unless

1. He's not in love with you or is not into you physically
2. He has a physical problem
3. He is sexually anorexic

If it's #1 move on. It's destined to fail eventually anyway. If it's #2 move on, unless you really, really love him and are willing to wait until the problem is fixed, if ever. Or you are willing to live with it as is. If it's #3, don't just move on, run, run, RUN. Sexual anorexia is usually the result of a fear of intimacy, sexual anxiety, or fear of rejection or criticism. It often goes hand-in-hand with porn addiction where the anorexic, over time, actually comes to prefer porn and masturbating to real-life sex. These people have a hard time investing themselves emotionally and prefer non-intimate sex. If you think your guy could be #3, I would seriously consider getting out unless you absolutely cannot live without him.

it's not necessarily those I'm 19 and will repeat don't care about sex. And in his case, he said he was a man whore so maybe it's just not that... important? like it was great in the past, but now it's "meh". Maybe he finds it basically childish and only does it to make Supernatural happy.

Even if sex isn't that important to you, you should be happy to comply with someone's desire for you if you love that person. Certainly more than once per month...unless, they aren't the person who rocks your world.

True dat. While sex isn't important to me for the physical aspect, it is a sign of affection. Does he show affection in other ways Supernatural? :3

[Supernature]

He holds my log and stuff while we're driving, and always make sure to kiss me before he goes to work, gets home, and before bed. He tells me he loves me, and randomly holds my hand. It seems like he's trying.

i've only been with 1 and I'm not obsessed or anything. Just the way I was raised? Iunno. ASIAN ()



it's not necessarily those I'm 19 and will repeat don't care about sex. And in his case, he said he was a man whore so maybe it's just not that... important? like it was great in the past, but now it's "meh". Maybe he finds it basically childish and only does it to make Supernatural happy.



True dat. While sex isn't important to me for the physical aspect, it is a sign of affection. Does he show affection in other ways Supernatural? :3

[Boggart]

He holds my log and stuff while we're driving, and always make sure to kiss me before he goes to work, gets home, and before bed. He tells me he loves me, and randomly holds my hand. It seems like he's trying.

okay, so when you say "hate feeling rejected" in what way do you mean?

You hate that when you actually asks and he says no, it seems he doesn't care that much (since you actually have to ASK in the first place)

Or do you feel self-conscious for other reasons?

And do you need the physical release, do you like intimacy? or do you just like sex in general?

[leurz]

It's pretty natural for sex drives to fluctuate over time. It can be based on age, stress, and lots of other factors.
There may be times in your life when your sex drive also decreases, and it may not be dependent on who you are dating.

Can you work out a deal, like pick one time a week where both of you have to drop everything whether you feel like it or not.
Also, maybe you can pinpoint some factors. Is morning a bad time? Too much to do on weeknights?
Maybe it won't be all nice and spontaneous that way, but if you can work out an arrangement, it might make things better.

[Dayzee]

It's pretty natural for sex drives to fluctuate over time. It can be based on age, stress, and lots of other factors.
There may be times in your life when your sex drive also decreases, and it may not be dependent on who you are dating.

Can you work out a deal, like pick one time a week where both of you have to drop everything whether you feel like it or not.
Also, maybe you can pinpoint some factors. Is morning a bad time? Too much to do on weeknights?
Maybe it won't be all nice and spontaneous that way, but if you can work out an arrangement, it might make things better.

Leurz is right - this works for some people. That way no one has to ask and the expectation is already there for both. The only prob is, it's sometimes harder for the guy to comply if he's not totally into it but I think you said he has some pills?

Sounds like he cares about you. If he does, once a week isn't unreasonable, esp considering the average for most couples is 3x per week.

I also agree that drive can fluctuate over time - didn't state that in my former post. But if it's ongoing and not a "phase" then it's probably due to one of the 3 things I mentioned. However, if you've gotten to the point where you're being really demanding, he's probably becoming less interested thus a vicious circle.

[Boggart]

Although another note: isn't it hard NOT To fool around when you're near each other? Like... I'm not one for planned sex, but sometimes it just happens :3

[Dayzee]

Although another note: isn't it hard NOT To fool around when you're near each other? Like... I'm not one for planned sex, but sometimes it just happens :3

It's hard not to if they rock your world! Maybe not all the time, perhaps not even most of the time for aforementioned reasons. But at least some of the time!!!

[iargue]

Although another note: isn't it hard NOT To fool around when you're near each other? Like... I'm not one for planned sex, but sometimes it just happens :3

......

Ignoring your obvious double standard. Its already been explained that he doesnt ever get horny around him.

[California]

If my fiance was the type to air our dirty laundry on the internet I probably wouldn't give him any either.

[HeavenNEarth]

No point being together if ur not happy I guess. Waste both you and his time

[Supernature]

I like intimacy most of all. I don't feel it anymore. And it's not like I'm flat out asking him to have sex, I've tried many different approaches. I've basically paved the way for him to have great sex, based on everything he likes and doesn't like. That in turn makes me feel inadequate as a partner.

[korncakes]

I have had a very similar problem with my girlfriend as of late. Somebody previously stated that sex drives fluctuate randomly due to stress and other factors. I believe that to be true. I would ask my girlfriend constantly if something was wrong, if I'm doing something, if she's still attracted to me, etc. and she just said that she's stressed and shit. More recently, we've been having sex quite often, but I'm sure it'll die down again, like it has in the past. The way that I've dealt with it when her sex drive becomes close to non-existent is to just stop thinking about it. I would also occupy myself in different ways that wouldn't make me think about sex at all. Neopets, video games, television, reading, cleaning, whatever you find that works well for you. If it IS due to work and stress and such, it will more than likely pass. If it gets to be a ridiculous amount of time between sex, you should definitely talk to him and pry a little bit to see if it has anything to do with you for sure. Other than that, just wait it out and see what happens.

Edited by korncakes, 18 February 2011 - 06:50 PM.

[Persuasion]

When all that you had together, all the feelings are gone
^Which is incrediabbly hard
^For some one night stand, the feelings would be gone pretty fast, relationship over xD
^For a girldfriend of 2 years in a commited relationship, one breakup isn't the end of the world. It might just be the start of a friendship... Call me p***** xD

[AyoForYayo]

I think he should leave you instead.

[luvsmyncis]

Can you work out a deal, like pick one time a week where both of you have to drop everything whether you feel like it or not.

What's the point if neither one feels like fucking?

I have had a very similar problem with my girlfriend as of late. Somebody previously stated that sex drives fluctuate randomly due to stress and other factors. I believe that to be true. I would ask my girlfriend constantly if something was wrong, if I'm doing something, if she's still attracted to me, etc. and she just said that she's stressed and shit. More recently, we've been having sex quite often, but I'm sure it'll die down again, like it has in the past. The way that I've dealt with it when her sex drive becomes close to non-existent is to just stop thinking about it. I would also occupy myself in different ways that wouldn't make me think about sex at all. Neopets, video games, television, reading, cleaning, whatever you find that works well for you. If it IS due to work and stress and such, it will more than likely pass. If it gets to be a ridiculous amount of time between sex, you should definitely talk to him and pry a little bit to see if it has anything to do with you for sure. Other than that, just wait it out and see what happens.

This has happens to me all the time. I have a very stressful job, that makes me sick with the world. My boy's always up for sex, and me... not so much. Every time I see him, my heart flutters. I love him and find him very attractive. But when I am physically and mentally too tired to fuck, and I just want to have a beer, and relax, and talk about stupid shit or pet his hair, that's ALL I want to do. Deal with it, or gtfo.

I'm sorry if being withholding makes you feel sad, but think of how your boyfriend feels. If he doesn't feel like screwing, you should respect his feelings. You're probably making him feel like all you want him for is sex, and if you can't get that anymore, he's not worth being with. It's the feeling of inadequacy, just in a different way.

That's my input. Of course, I've been described as cold hearted and bitchy. So there ya go.

[gogetta]

Only read the first few replies of this thread, so I don't know if it's been said already.

When you can't see yourself with this person in the long run.

But that's just me. I've always been the committed, long relationship type of person. Why waste my time with/on someone if I don't plan on being with them for the long haul.

[Nunc]

hey know I love sensitive bi guyz dey are so kawai!!! (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

[eatsrainbows]

I think you should discuss it with him before making your decision. It sounds like he isn't a very sexual person to begin with, but maybe there are things other than taking pills that you two could do to get him more in the mood. Ask him if there is something that he maybe doesn't like, or maybe there is something he would like to do. (some fantasy maybe?) But if it turns out it's just that he really isn't that interested in sex, maybe it's not a good fit and you two would be better off as friends?

While sex can be important it shouldn't define the damn thing

I agree, but at the same time I think that it's important for a couples to be on the same page. Not that both people have to want sex at the exact same time all the time, but if one never wants to and the other would like to on a regular basis, it creates some tension. Anyways, the biggest ting is to talk to him!! & talk to him in a calm, no judgmental way. I hope everything works out!