45 replies to this topic

[Volition]

sdf

Edited by Volition, 21 August 2011 - 11:53 AM.

[jcrdude]

Rejection is easier to deal with than regret.

Rejection is temporary, but regret lasts a lifetime.

[Joanna]

Oh tell her! You have too.. you can't let an opportunity pass you by. Who knows what might happen?! It might be bad, but it might be good.
At least you will know.

[Tetiel]

Don't do it. You've gone way past your chance and you should have said something a long time ago. She's going away to make a future for herself. Even if she DOES feel the same way, it would be cruel to make her question her decision of moving away.

[jcrdude]

Don't do it. You've gone way past your chance and you should have said something a long time ago. She's going away to make a future for herself. Even if she DOES feel the same way, it would be cruel to make her question her decision of moving away.

But at the same time, can't they have a possibility of a summer together? I think that beats the hell out of just letting go.

[Jake]

Rejection is easier to deal with than regret.

Rejection is temporary, but regret lasts a lifetime.

Well when he's 40 years old I doubt he is going to care about a high school sweetie, assuming his shit is sorted out by then

From my personal experience... rejection is definitely easier than regret. I'm guessing it's different for most people but for myself I'm a chance kind of guy and for this story I personally fucked it up big time. Several years ago some girl moved on to my block, didn't go to my school so really I only saw her if we passed each other outside. Started to talk to her and eventually we started going out. (Not dating, just going out as friends). She was one of the chilliest girls I've met in my life but also so incredibly nice. It made my brain hurt thinking about why she even spoke to me. I'm completely optimistic about shit but in this case it was more of a different kind of view of things, she liked everyone and gave everyone a chance, which explains me. As you know I'm a joker and all that jazz. Eventually and this story ends roughly six months ago I was getting so attracted to her. Honestly she was so god damn pretty but like I said she was too angelic and honest about things I never even guessed to bother. When I was thinking of actually asking her out after high school all of the sudden she was going to university in fuck if I know. Ottawa or Montreal don't even know, have no contact with her now. This is something that eats out of my heart and hurts me just typing this up now. If you really like this girl man just say what you have to say. You at least have that chance I never had to. You will not regret getting rejected if it happens.

Good luck

[Tetiel]

But at the same time, can't they have a possibility of a summer together? I think that beats the hell out of just letting go.

If you're thinking just about him, yeah. I'm thinking about both parties. If he really felt strongly about her, he would have said something a long time ago. He's only posting now because he thinks it's his last chance. Last chance for what? She needs to continue on her path. It's just going to make it that much harder to leave (again, this is assuming he feels anything for him). If he cares anything about her future, he should let her go and do what makes her happy.

[esskae]

don't do it, if she doesn't have a date for prom or some crap then ask her out and take her to prom/grad/wtfever but don't take it any further into a real relationship, it sucks to leave it at 'just friends' when you love someone but honestly, it's worse to leave behind REAL love. DONT sacrifice your future (i almost did) or let her do it because of a high school crush, and DONT pull it into a long distance relationship, which is just cruel in my experience. I just got out of a 2 year long distance relationship with a girl and it is the sloppiest, messiest, most horrible thing because you love the person but you don't have a foreseeable future together. You'll just set yourself up to be hurt. "ignorance is bliss" so if you never ever know you left love behind you won't miss it as much.

Edited by esskae, 03 June 2011 - 01:57 PM.

[jcrdude]

If you're thinking just about him, yeah. I'm thinking about both parties. If he really felt strongly about her, he would have said something a long time ago.

I'm not completely disregarding the girl in this case (more on this in a moment), but it seems like you're completely disregarding the level of intimidation that passion can have on a young man that has not yet become a douchebag.

He's only posting now because he thinks it's his last chance. Last chance for what?

It's his last chance to take a chance. Maybe it will lead to rejection. Maybe it will lead to a summer romance. Maybe it will pave the way for their paths to cross somewhere down the road. Maybe it will just be a chance for both of them to grow. They're all just maybes if he doesn't say anything.

She needs to continue on her path. It's just going to make it that much harder to leave (again, this is assuming he feels anything for him).

And this is where you and I agree. It's not worth destroying yourself to take a chance on someone else, but if the girl has half a decent head on her shoulders, she'll already know this at the relationship's onset. Yes it will be harder to leave, but when the time comes, one has to hope that she will.

If he cares anything about her future, he should let her go and do what makes her happy.

I've been through a few relationships, and while yes, ending them is hard, ending them is also not the end of the world. When the time is right, yes she will have to move on, but in the meantime, it seems overly cynical to throw away all the maybes to play it safe.

Well when he's 40 years old I doubt he is going to care about a high school sweetie, assuming his shit is sorted out by then

This is true, but my hyperbole was simply there to keep things simple and make a point

[jonahfinn]

I would tell her, so you won't have any regrets in future,
also if she reciprocates those feelings strongly, she might reconsider her study options and talk things over with you.

In my experience, long distance relationship tend to die out after a few months, unless you actually arrange face to face meetings frequently.
If anything, you'll just be able to get the truth out there, possible have a summer fling and things will end amicable between the two.

[jcrdude]

also if she reciprocates those feelings strongly, she might reconsider her study options and talk things over with you.

Definitely not cool to hope for this....

[ShadowLink64]

Rejection is easier to deal with than regret.

Rejection is temporary, but regret lasts a lifetime.

Don't do it. You've gone way past your chance and you should have said something a long time ago. She's going away to make a future for herself. Even if she DOES feel the same way, it would be cruel to make her question her decision of moving away.

Yeah, who goes to say they'll never meet up again? I've had that happen where I had this huge crush on a girl, but I was the one moving away, so I didn't bother to say anything since I knew that it couldn't work out under those circumstances. As I kept in contact over the years (whenever I would come back up home to visit, or if she was in the city I was in), I found out that she was quite a different person than I was, but I still keep in contact with her as friends and I'm glad it's like that.

So yeah, never know what will happen. Just don't force anything unless you think it can work out somehow.

[Derriere]

Rejection is easier to deal with than regret.

Rejection is temporary, but regret lasts a lifetime.

THIS. But the hard thing is to face the fact that you'll look like a fool
I feel like I'm in a situation like this. And that if I don't do go for it, I will still have
to face it later on in the future whether I want to or not. I can't run from it. But I hate how
the timing is almost too fucking perfect for me to be in this situation. It's vague I know.


But this is fucking tragic right now. For me.
Though, go for it.

[Tetiel]

I'm not completely disregarding the girl in this case (more on this in a moment), but it seems like you're completely disregarding the level of intimidation that passion can have on a young man that has not yet become a douchebag.
It's his last chance to take a chance. Maybe it will lead to rejection. Maybe it will lead to a summer romance. Maybe it will pave the way for their paths to cross somewhere down the road. Maybe it will just be a chance for both of them to grow. They're all just maybes if he doesn't say anything.
And this is where you and I agree. It's not worth destroying yourself to take a chance on someone else, but if the girl has half a decent head on her shoulders, she'll already know this at the relationship's onset. Yes it will be harder to leave, but when the time comes, one has to hope that she will.
I've been through a few relationships, and while yes, ending them is hard, ending them is also not the end of the world. When the time is right, yes she will have to move on, but in the meantime, it seems overly cynical to throw away all the maybes to play it safe.

This is my perspective, what is the point of starting a relationship with someone knowing that it will never lead anywhere because you KNOW she needs to go leave and get educated? Especially since it's just a crush. He isn't head over heels in love with her based off of what he said. This may just be me, but I have never understood starting a relationship with someone that I don't feel I could have at least long term. It just seems so pointless and asking for unneeded drama and hurt feelings.

Just don't force anything unless you think it can work out somehow.

And that's my exact point

[jcrdude]

This is my perspective, what is the point of starting a relationship with someone knowing that it will never lead anywhere because you KNOW she needs to go leave and get educated? Especially since it's just a crush. He isn't head over heels in love with her based off of what he said. This may just be me, but I have never understood starting a relationship with someone that I don't feel I could have at least long term. It just seems so pointless and asking for unneeded drama and hurt feelings.

I guess that you and I are just stuck having different views, then. I can enjoy a medium-term relationship (even if I had hoped some of them would end up long-term), and the only relationship that ended in unnecessary drama was the long-term one.

Also, you'd be hard pressed to call me "addicted to relationships" considering how much time I spend single... XD

(This is my offer to agree to disagree... if you hadn't noticed )

[Tetiel]

I guess that you and I are just stuck having different views, then. I can enjoy a medium-term relationship (even if I had hoped some of them would end up long-term), and the only relationship that ended in unnecessary drama was the long-term one.

Also, you'd be hard pressed to call me "addicted to relationships" considering how much time I spend single... XD

(This is my offer to agree to disagree... if you hadn't noticed )

And I do understand your point of view. I apologize, if I'll be around here for much longer, you'll soon realize that I like to turn just about everything into a friendly debate whether it's called for or not xD No hard feelings meant, mostly just banter.

[jcrdude]

And I do understand your point of view. I apologize, if I'll be around here for much longer, you'll soon realize that I like to turn just about everything into a friendly debate whether it's called for or not xD No hard feelings meant, mostly just banter.

I'm never above a friendly debate, but I also know when to recognize irreconcilable differences of opinion

As long as nobody's getting butthurt and the friendly debate isn't based on misinformation, I never see the harm.

[iargue]

Don't do it. You've gone way past your chance and you should have said something a long time ago. She's going away to make a future for herself. Even if she DOES feel the same way, it would be cruel to make her question her decision of moving away.

Yeah.

It would be selfish and wrong to ask her to stay, or to ask her to do things long distance. Just accept that you screwed this one up and wait until next time, and that time, dont hesitate.

[Volition]

siiiiigh, more regrets are rolling in, I could've applied to the university she's going to, my marks are certainty good enough, but that opportunity has come passed. Would it be cruel to her? yes, i've considered that, and i don't want her to stay around for me, she's got a bright future ahead of her. I fucked up royally this time, I woulda asked her out to grad, but that ship has come and passed, at this point I could fill a bathtub with regrets. Though we'll both be coming back to the same city during summer and the holidays and whatnot. I can admit that i've fucked up royally, i've let numerous opportunities slip through my fingers, and i only have myself to blame. I'm deserving of any and all criticism. Your thoughts and insights are helping me end this impasse, because I really have no fucking idea what to do.

[esskae]

hey bud relax, dont be too hard on yourself. :c criticism..? people are really just giving you opinions, dont stress so much. It's only a crush at least, it could have been more, worse, etc. but girls will come and go, i promise.

[Volition]

eugh, I shoulda made this into a poll and listened to the wisdom of others.

[Kat]

Tell her or you're a pussy.


..Just kidding, but not really.
Just be honest. Tell her how you feel, but also say that you just wanted to tell her before it was too late but that she shouldn't change her plans. You two can become long-distance friends in college, so she can have someone to talk to and someone that cares. At least telling her will let her know there's someone back home that cares about her, and maybe you two will meet again sometime down the road.

You'll never know unless you say something, that's pretty much it.

[ShadowLink64]

siiiiigh, more regrets are rolling in, I could've applied to the university she's going to, my marks are certainty good enough, but that opportunity has come passed. Would it be cruel to her? yes, i've considered that, and i don't want her to stay around for me, she's got a bright future ahead of her. I fucked up royally this time, I woulda asked her out to grad, but that ship has come and passed, at this point I could fill a bathtub with regrets. Though we'll both be coming back to the same city during summer and the holidays and whatnot. I can admit that i've fucked up royally, i've let numerous opportunities slip through my fingers, and i only have myself to blame. I'm deserving of any and all criticism. Your thoughts and insights are helping me end this impasse, because I really have no fucking idea what to do.

First ask yourself, is this what you would do if you hadn't met her? Would you still be comfortable studying there? If so, then I would say it's a good idea. If not, you'll be setting yourself up for a lot of future regret.

And you didn't "fuck up", because like I said, you never know what will happen. You said she'll be coming back during the summer and holidays, right? So you haven't lost her yet. Just keep in touch... though if you haven't talked to her before, it will be a little difficult.

[WharfRat]

Rejection is easier to deal with than regret.

Rejection is temporary, but regret lasts a lifetime.

I found I didn't even need to post my own opinion as JCR did it very eloquently right from the start.

Go for the gold man!

[Volition]

Thanks for the support guys. I asked my dad if I could try and switch to Queens University (where this girl is going) from University of Alberta, at which point he lashed out at me about how UA has better engineering than Queens. And yes, i've talked to her, i talk to her pretty much every day. I wouldn't even be considering this if i've never talked to her. The long distance idea is thinking a bit too far ahead, i haven't really made any decisions yet. I've planned to decide on/by Monday. It would also be nice if a mod could delete this thread after that or place this somewhere where no one can see it, i don't need the world to know i have feelings D: