14 replies to this topic

[necospes]

I love me some good anti jokes. Let's start an anti-joke thread!

I'll start with some.

A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it is ruining his life and destroying his family.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
It's the police. I'm sorry ma'am, but we believe your daughter has died in a tragic accident. We would like you to identify the body.

What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

What's green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.

What did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the batmobile?
He said, "Robin, get in the batmobile!".

Anyone else enjoy antijokes? I have more.

[holaCarlos]

Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.

[Blueberry]

Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass.

I LOL'D

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Edited by Blueberry, 08 July 2011 - 07:47 PM.

[Pilot]

A man walks into a bar.

[Tetiel]

Argon didn't react :|

[GarenaMaster]

dodo said dang do ?

[luvsmyncis]

dodo said dang do ?

What the?...
You are so stupid, but I can't deny I find you hilarious.

[Kat]

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

[necospes]

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

I love how prolonged the "punchline" is. lolol.

Here's some more!

What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!

What do you call a Muslim that flies airplanes?
A pilot.

A horse walks into a bar. He doesn't speak. He is a horse, they do not have the ability to speak. The horse neighs and gallops out of the bar in confusion, knocking over a few tables along the way.

[Pawn]

How many blonds does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, and maybe a stepladder depending on the height of the blond.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she's a blind deaf mute.

Edited by Pawn, 09 July 2011 - 04:18 PM.

[Blueberry]

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

[Stephen]

A rabbi walks into a bar, in traditional Jewish garb. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Sorry, you'll have to leave". The Jewish gentleman says "Why, don't you serve Jews in here?". The bartender replies "Of course we do, but we just found asbestos in the walls and we're closing for remodeling." The rabbi politely apologizes for making misplaced assumptions about the bartender's place of business.

[necospes]

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she's a blind deaf mute.

I like this variation: Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she's dead.

Also blond jokes!
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

[Chalk]

Why did the little girl drop her ice-cream?

Spoiler

She was hit by a car.

[Sweeney]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?