73 replies to this topic

[Ellipses]

I don't necessarily think cheating is all that bad. Like someone previously said, love and lust are two different things. It's entirely possible to be in love with someone utterly and completely, while also being physically attracted to someone else. While I personally have never cheated (nor have I been in a position to cheat for a while ), I wouldn't be too upset if it happened, as long as they came forward.

Mind you, I've never felt that strongly towards a girl, so someone emotionally invested in a relationship would probably see it otherwise.

Well, relationships should have some kind of a conscious-based commitment. Like, it should feel wrong to kiss someone else. It might even feel wrong to put your arms around someone else - depending on the person. Of course, cheating definitely should violate that sense of commitment. However, if you don't feel that strongly toward someone I can kind of see where you're coming from. But, thats kind of hard to believe. You never really felt real strongly for someone?

[Strategist]

For men, getting lots of girls is looked highly upon. For women, getting lots of men makes them sluts. It's kind of... .
On the topic of cheating itself, sometimes people get...bored with a relationship? I guess. My take on relationships is, it's to get to know a person a lot more personally than you normally would. And once you know everything then it's just... what now? Some people just don't have the courage to fully break up with a partner when they meet someone new, but they just can't help wanting to know more about another person. Kind of from experience , but I got my head on straight and I moved past that.

Get married? Start a family? Thats generally what happens if you love the person that much and you know everything about them

[Sage]

I think one reason (besides the obvious) that cheating is so horrible is because it shows the people involved that something is vastly wrong with a relationship that was previously considered pretty okay... Not only is it "hey you just betrayed the shit out of my trust" but it's also "so what happened to us?" Sometimes it only happens because somebody gets a bit more tipsy than they can handle and they act on some stupid thoughts (which, to be honest, as long as they remain thoughts, I won't hold it against anybody, but acting on them even while drunk makes it my business) and it only happens once, because the cheater genuinely feels like a monster. Sometimes it's a constant thing, and it becomes clear to the one being cheated on that they're only being held onto because the cheater refuses to be an adult and just be single.

My boyfriend and I, due to the nature of our relationship (we live about 1500 miles apart, a date costs air fare and then some), made it clear with one another that we were fine with one another finding playmates elsewhere, as long as we told each other about it first. The problem for me is being lied to and treated like I'm too stupid to catch on.

Edited by cuddlydemon, 29 August 2011 - 12:38 AM.

[Kyouma]

I can think of a not-so-uncommon situation where people'll cheat.
Male 1 is gay
Male dates a girl/marries one to not get looked down upon by society.
However, one day, in a moment of weakness, he succumbs to his desires and cheats.

[iQaLex]

i have 2 uncles that cheated and then when it was too late they wanted to come back... people cheat just for fun imoor for the "Adventure" of cheating

Edited by iQaLex, 29 August 2011 - 05:29 AM.

[Narcissa]

My Dad cheated on my Mom when I was little and it tore our family apart. However, he's now happily married to the woman he cheated on my mom with, and in a much better situation. Sometimes cheating can be good; although I think those situations are very few and far in between.

That being said, I think monogamy is a dumb idea. Humans aren't programmed to be in one relationship at a time. We're here to procreate and keep our genetics going. I think people just act on those urges sometimes.

My GF and I are in an open relationship and honestly, I think it's damn well saved us. She's assexual and likes cuddling, kissing, etc but no sex. It's like trying to pull teeth and unfortunately, I like sex. But I would never even dream of cheating on her. So we made some rules when we went into an open relationship and that is; she has to know who I'm with (although details aren't allowed), she is my first priority, it has to be purely a lust factor, and if anything more than lust starts to form I have to cut it off immediately and let her know. It's been a relationship saver. But I'm not cheating.

What do you guys think about emotional cheating though? I think it has possibly even more potential to ruin a relationship than physical cheating.

[Chloee]

My Dad cheated on my Mom when I was little and it tore our family apart. However, he's now happily married to the woman he cheated on my mom with, and in a much better situation. Sometimes cheating can be good; although I think those situations are very few and far in between.

That being said, I think monogamy is a dumb idea. Humans aren't programmed to be in one relationship at a time. We're here to procreate and keep our genetics going. I think people just act on those urges sometimes.

My GF and I are in an open relationship and honestly, I think it's damn well saved us. She's assexual and likes cuddling, kissing, etc but no sex. It's like trying to pull teeth and unfortunately, I like sex. But I would never even dream of cheating on her. So we made some rules when we went into an open relationship and that is; she has to know who I'm with (although details aren't allowed), she is my first priority, it has to be purely a lust factor, and if anything more than lust starts to form I have to cut it off immediately and let her know. It's been a relationship saver. But I'm not cheating.

What do you guys think about emotional cheating though? I think it has possibly even more potential to ruin a relationship than physical cheating.

Yeah, I suppose that sometimes, it can be good for the person who cheated on the other, but it still leaves the person who was cheated on torn apart..
& I reckon that emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating, or worse, since I think as soon as you think about cheating on the other person, or want/hope to cheat on them, in a sense you already have. But then if you keep it a secret from your partner and it stays like that for months or years it can slowly wear down the relationship..whereas with physical cheating it comes out fairly quickly, and might do less damage. It depends on the relationship though.

Oh, and for your relationship, you must have a lot of trust between you..nobody I know would really trust the other person to be doing that, so your relationship must be very good in a way

[Sage]

Yeah, I suppose that sometimes, it can be good for the person who cheated on the other, but it still leaves the person who was cheated on torn apart..
& I reckon that emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating, or worse, since I think as soon as you think about cheating on the other person, or want/hope to cheat on them, in a sense you already have. But then if you keep it a secret from your partner and it stays like that for months or years it can slowly wear down the relationship..whereas with physical cheating it comes out fairly quickly, and might do less damage. It depends on the relationship though.

Oh, and for your relationship, you must have a lot of trust between you..nobody I know would really trust the other person to be doing that, so your relationship must be very good in a way

Open relationships do require you to have a lot of trust and a certain viewpoint of sex--IE, that it's not inherently about love--that a lot of people don't have.

[enigmaticarc]

One is never enough. Same idea for neopets. It's why we have shells

[Sweeney]

One is never enough. Same idea for neopets. It's why we have shells

That's a mature attitude.

[Boggart]

My Dad cheated on my Mom when I was little and it tore our family apart. However, he's now happily married to the woman he cheated on my mom with, and in a much better situation. Sometimes cheating can be good; although I think those situations are very few and far in between.

That being said, I think monogamy is a dumb idea. Humans aren't programmed to be in one relationship at a time. We're here to procreate and keep our genetics going. I think people just act on those urges sometimes.

My GF and I are in an open relationship and honestly, I think it's damn well saved us. She's assexual and likes cuddling, kissing, etc but no sex. It's like trying to pull teeth and unfortunately, I like sex. But I would never even dream of cheating on her. So we made some rules when we went into an open relationship and that is; she has to know who I'm with (although details aren't allowed), she is my first priority, it has to be purely a lust factor, and if anything more than lust starts to form I have to cut it off immediately and let her know. It's been a relationship saver. But I'm not cheating.

What do you guys think about emotional cheating though? I think it has possibly even more potential to ruin a relationship than physical cheating.

I have to disagree with this. In that situation, cheating wasn't a good thing; your dad leaving your mom was. He didn't have to cheat on your mom and tear apart your family in order to be with someone better suited. It could have been much better handled.

And sure, maybe you can argue that we are supposed to spread our seed and eggs with everyone if this were 5000 years ago, but sadly that's not exactly the case now is it? Humans need emotional support and stability and we can't exactly go having 50 kids and not take care of them. We don't even need any more damn humans on this earth. We have too many fuck wits on here as it is.

As for emotional cheating, I don't really think that's a big deal o.o There are sometimes just certain things emotionally (or physically) where they aren't compatible. I can't really think of emotionally cheating since it must be one person impeding certain emotions of the other

One is never enough. Same idea for neopets. It's why we have shells

Nevermind, disband my whole argument. Cheating on neopets is the same as cheating on a relationship.

[iargue]

And sure, maybe you can argue that we are supposed to spread our seed and eggs with everyone if this were 5000 years ago, but sadly that's not exactly the case now is it? Humans need emotional support and stability and we can't exactly go having 50 kids and not take care of them. We don't even need any more damn humans on this earth. We have too many fuck wits on here as it is.

As for emotional cheating, I don't really think that's a big deal o.o There are sometimes just certain things emotionally (or physically) where they aren't compatible. I can't really think of emotionally cheating since it must be one person impeding certain emotions of the other

I think the biggest issue is that your listening to someone who hasn't been truly in love about what we are intended to do. If you talk to anyone who has honestly loved someone more then they love themselves, then its clear humans were intended to only have a single partnership. The emotion is far to strong for it to be ignored, and people who cheat, and claim that they still love that person, either never loved their original partner enough, or do not understand the concept of love.

Its sad to know that millions of people mistake strong friendship for love

[Boggart]

I think the biggest issue is that your listening to someone who hasn't been truly in love about what we are intended to do. If you talk to anyone who has honestly loved someone more then they love themselves, then its clear humans were intended to only have a single partnership. The emotion is far to strong for it to be ignored, and people who cheat, and claim that they still love that person, either never loved their original partner enough, or do not understand the concept of love.

Its sad to know that millions of people mistake strong friendship for love

It's true. Look at people on glee. They say love more often than the gay kid does something flamboyant.

On an unrelated note, my coworker knows a girl who has 20 siblings. 11 from his mom and 9 from his dad. None have the same parents as she does. hah.

[frostz]

People are naturally polygamous from both a historic and a biological point of view, therefore it is perfectly natural for someone to have an urge to cheat.
The only reason you think it is bad now is because it does not correspond with modern social norms, whereas long ago in many societies the number of wives a person could have depends upon their social status or income.

[Boggart]

People are naturally polygamous from both a historic and a biological point of view, therefore it is perfectly natural for someone to have an urge to cheat.
The only reason you think it is bad now is because it does not correspond with modern social norms, whereas long ago in many societies the number of wives a person could have depends upon their social status or income.

That's exactly the point... in today's world it is so stupid to cheat on someone. Having 50 children is no longer a sign of wealth or respect. And i'm not talking about polygamy and whether it's practical or not, i'm talking about being in a commited relationship and fucking it all up by sleeping with someone.

[frostz]

That's exactly the point... in today's world it is so stupid to cheat on someone. Having 50 children is no longer a sign of wealth or respect. And i'm not talking about polygamy and whether it's practical or not, i'm talking about being in a commited relationship and fucking it all up by sleeping with someone.

My point is that people are genetically hardwired to do so and on some level everyone has the urge to be in a polygamous relationship (have multiple mates etc). Some people do not have self control and give in to their more animalistic? urges. Same as with everything else.

Edited by frostz, 29 August 2011 - 02:57 PM.

[Jake]

People argue relationships are much more than sex, in some cases they don't consider it at all. Yet when physical cheating (as in sex) occurs, it's not quite so. Don't get me wrong, I think the notion of cheating in either way whether it be emotionally or physically is wrong, I just hate how other people describe it and contradict themselves. If you find someone you love and enjoy being around them then to me cheating shouldn't even cross your mind. If you had a period of absence away from them from a job, vacation etc. I would think you would spend a lot of time thinking about them, missing your significant other. Cheating only happens when someone is bored/sick of the other person.

In cases of cheating during marriages I would assume (a bit from knowledge from people with experience) that the 'cheater' does not want to hurt the significant other, even if they are not interested in them anymore. How hard would it be to tell someone you don't love them anymore if you have been together for years and have children?

Bottom line for myself I will never ever cheat, and I hope the same applies to any possible significant other of mine own.

[Boggart]

My point is that people are genetically hardwired to do so and on some level everyone has the urge to be in a polygamous relationship (have multiple mates etc). Some people do not have self control and give in to their more animalistic? urges. Same as with everything else.

Just because it happened in the past does not mean that people are genetically hard-wired to do so. As you said in the past having multiple wives was a sign of wealth. That was more societal than genetic.

And it's not so much I don't understand why people cheat, it's more so... disbelief that people are so stupid.

[artificial]

Just because it happened in the past does not mean that people are genetically hard-wired to do so. As you said in the past having multiple wives was a sign of wealth. That was more societal than genetic.

And it's not so much I don't understand why people cheat, it's more so... disbelief that people are so stupid.

Regardless of whether or not you're in a relationship, that surge of physical attraction you feel when you see see or talk to particular women is a byproduct of how we are genetically wired. However, I would argue that humans have evolved to the point where we're able to consciously ignore those feelings to fit in with social paradigms.

If polygamy were socially acceptable you can guarantee most of us would be hopping around like rabbits.

[frostz]

Just because it happened in the past does not mean that people are genetically hard-wired to do so. As you said in the past having multiple wives was a sign of wealth. That was more societal than genetic.

And it's not so much I don't understand why people cheat, it's more so... disbelief that people are so stupid.

One of my source is this article btw. According to it, humans are naturally inclined to polygamy due to genetics, and that monogamy is a more recent phenomenon.
http://www.newscient...man-genome.html

[ShadowLink64]

Bottom line for myself I will never ever cheat, and I hope the same applies to any possible significant other of mine own.

Same here. Never. If a person doesn't like the situation they're in, make it known to the other person. Don't sneak around and do shit behind people's back.

People should be happy that they're even in a relationship, IMO. It's a privilege to be with another person, unless of course, you're unhappy... in which case, what are you doing in one?

[iargue]

My point is that people are genetically hardwired to do so and on some level everyone has the urge to be in a polygamous relationship (have multiple mates etc). Some people do not have self control and give in to their more animalistic? urges. Same as with everything else.

Strange. Because I have no inclination whatsoever at all to be with anyone besides for the person that I am interested in. Does that make me a freak?

One of my source is this article btw. According to it, humans are naturally inclined to polygamy due to genetics, and that monogamy is a more recent phenomenon.
http://www.newscient...man-genome.html

Hahahahhahahahaha....

90 people? Really?

[ilovepolkadots]

Hi!

If you want attention, get a puppy. Don't have sex with it though.

hi boggy ;3

Spoiler

it always goes to bestiality

and the low self esteem - > need for attention - > low self esteem loop was already discussed
so i have basically said my peace ;p

[Dunvegan]

Hm, this is an interesting topic.

I'm not an expert, but I've seen an uncomfortable amount of people do the whole "cheating" thing, both emotionally and physically. One guy wanted to 'play around' with a girl that was far more...'spunky', a 'tease', or a 'bad girl' (take your pick of polite words) because his wife was a kind, quiet mother of three who didn't fit into any of those roles. He kept it quiet, slept with the other woman several times, then tried to end it without telling his wife. Of course she found out...but anyway, that experience would probably relate more to the wanting to play around, have fun, and relieve your 'boredom' from one partner.

Another time it was simply because that ooey-gooey feeling that we get when we first get to know someone was mistaken for love. They cheated on their wife, went out with the other woman, destroyed his marriage...only to find out that the new woman was not worth it in any way. He got so excited over that 'falling in love' feeling that he totally abandoned his family. That feeling of love fades, which is why it's so important to actually like the person you're married to. The people in today's society believe that the feeling of love is everything, that they'll sacrifice everything for that person because they want to be with them. When the emotional high of love fades, then they're stuck wondering "...do I really have to go without [insert name of sacrifice] for the entire time that I'm with this person?"...and then they find somebody who likes the same things that they sacrificed and cheating can happen...or emotional affairs where one gender constantly complains about their spouse to the other, which is just as damaging.

Another person I know cheated because he felt his wife did not respect him, and the new girl did.

There are a variety of reasons as to why one can cheat. It's not any certain thing...and the idea that it's hard-wired into us is, I think, quite odd. Even if there is an attraction, it takes your own self-control to learn to back away from this possible hazard or to engage 'ignore mode'. Sadly, the world is thinking less and less of this whole 'self control' thing, I think.

/endgrandmotherlytalk.

[frostz]

Strange. Because I have no inclination whatsoever at all to be with anyone besides for the person that I am interested in. Does that make me a freak?




Hahahahhahahahaha....

90 people? Really?

Do you automatically lose all interest in other women because you are already in a relationship?
Does being in a relationship make it so that you no longer feel anything when you pass by a hot woman on the street? You don't even turn your head to look, and what goes on in your head is oh its just another w/e woman.
Nothing turns you on except for whoever you are in a relationship with?

if yes, then you are a freak.

There are very few animals that are actually genetically hardwired to be interested in and have one mate in their life time. and humans are not one of them.

a lot of cheating occurs when people do not have enough self control when it comes to the impulses listed above.

Edited by frostz, 29 August 2011 - 06:55 PM.