45 replies to this topic

[Mishelle]

My family always feels like they should have a say in who I date and what they should look like. My mom and grandma are always trying to set me up with guys that I always end up hating because they're not the type of guys I would date they're the type of guys they'd date if they were my age. And I always get shit if I date outside my race because I'm female. If any male member of my family dates outside of their race and have a billion kids it's completely fine. It's gotten so frustrating I don't even tell my family members I'm in a relationship anymore because they'll try to dictate and control it even though every single time I ignore them and tell them to butt out.

If you bring someone home to your parents and they don't like them does it ever make you question your relationship? Would you break up with them if someone in your family told you to? Do you family members ever try to tell you what kind of people you should date or try to set you up on dates?

[Steve]

Personally, no.
For my ex girlfriend, yeah, completely. It literally ruined our relationship and any chance of friendship afterwards because somehow I was the devil in their eyes. Now they've made it so their whole family thinks that of me. Ridiculous.

[Waser Lave]

No, why would they?

[Keil]

My parents don't really have a say in my relationships, but they get overly passive aggressive about it. Now that I'm in college, they're fine whoever I dated either male or female, any ethnicities, etc.

In high school, I dated a black girl. She is one of the sweetest and kindest people I've ever met. She's gentle and is in the top 5 percentile along with me and a few others in our school.

I'm Filipino so there's some negative stigma that some Filipino people carry towards black people (more fear than racism). Unfortunately, this was true about my parents.

Of course, when they first met Leesha, the were very hospitable and kind to her because of their nature towards guests. When my mom and I were alone in the kitchen to get food, the first thing she asked me was, "Is she from the Jettos? (Jetto being her understanding of the word ghetto)?"

It was at least two months before they knew her for who she really is, they spread rumors of me marrying a gun-holding gang girl. One time during dinner, there was a local news about someone being shot in Yonkers from being affiliated in a gang. My dad asked me if Leesha knew anything about it. It pissed me off that they associated Leesha with the Yonkers shooting when she lived like 3 blocks away from us and we all live in the diverse and secure Hudson Valley.

[Ladida]

If you bring someone home to your parents and they don't like them does it ever make you question your relationship? Yes.
Would you break up with them if someone in your family told you to? Yes.
Do you family members ever try to tell you what kind of people you should date or try to set you up on dates? No.

[imcominatcha]

The last girl I went steady with was this sweet girl I met from church. Brought her home to meet the parents and they were cool about it, but I could tell they weren't very pleased. I didn't realise why until after the 'Honeymoon' phase wore off and crap hit the fan. On hindsight, it was immediately obvious we weren't compatible, but nobody plucked up the guts to tell me that to my face. I just wished they did, cos' I ditched a right number of opportunities to try making things work.

Communication's best methinks. If they got issues with your date/steady/fiancée, better to hash it out. You'd never know, they might open your eyes, or better yet, you might open theirs.

[Indigo]

My mother doesn't seem to care, though I hide my FWB relationship from her, because ew.

My mom had a lot of boyfriends growing up {which says something....} but I haven't had one. I think my mom would want me to date someone smart/handsome though, but who doesn't? I wouldn't date outside the smart/handsome field. But then again I wouldn't date in the first place.

On the other hand, my dad is {or tries to be} very traditional. He wants me to marry a Hispanic or halfie at least. Everyone on his side of the family is with a Hispanic significant, I think Latino familes can attest to this; it's ingrained in your culture/expectations. My grandparents used to hate my mom, but now they love her despite their divorce. I think it's cuz my mom really likes grandma's cooking.

I am an adult. I don't think parents have a say in this kind of stuff unless it's clearly unhealthy for you. If you're an adult, you're an adult, make your own decisions. And be happy. :>

[Maeghan]

I honestly don't remember my mom saying she hates anyone I dated.

Very occasionally she would voice her opinion about a guy Im going back to after he broke my heart, but thats understandable and she wouldnt prevent me from seeing them.

And whenever I would break up with someone, she would tell me what she really thought.

But other then that, I cant remember her having a negative opinion about any of my relationships.

[Juturna]

If my mother knew who I dated, then maybe. I really have absolutely no idea what she'd do.

[Habanero]

No. If they did, they'd only want me to date Mexican girls.

[Trixie]

My parents don't care. If anything, they encourage me to find a boyfriend. My parents just want me to be happy and live a nice life.... but the only thing they're wary about are Korean guys. :|

[Chappy]

My mom never wants to talk about it. My dad has quite alot of things set out for me. He pretty much doesn't believe in dating unless your like 25 or something like that.
My parents both want me to marry a white guy that's really rich. I personally have no interest in white guys. They are nice and such, but just not attracted more than a friend.
Sure I got the "marry your race only thing" but I'm mixed and have never met anyone the same mixture as me. Except my brother...not interested in incest. *wince*

[LeiLani]

I'm not allowed to date, but I do it anyway :c

[WharfRat]

Yes. My family (mostly older generation family) have consistently voiced their opinions on any relationship I've ever had. They've always been dissatisfied that I've not been in a serious relationship with a white woman before. I don't let their opinions on interracial relationships affect my behavior nor the status of my relationship. They also usually give me a hard time because the women typically aren't republicans nor are they catholic... Go figure.

[Elindoril]

Given my status and past, I think my family would be too shocked to voice an opinion on the matter.

[kidbit]

My parents used to dislike my current boyfriend, but after almost 3 years of relationship they kinda gave up, lol. But sometimes my mom still says to me things ike 'You should go out and meet new people, maybe some new guys...' hahahaha

Other than that, no. Only once my mom went crazy when she knew I was dating a girl, but it's been so long that she thinks it was only a phase, we had never talked about that again so far.

[GoGoGoJon]

Unfortunately, yes. But I'm 15 so it matters not. Girls come and go real fast in my grade

[Frizzle]

No, I'm 22 for god sake.

[Turnip]

Nope I haven't told my dad anything about the relationships I've been in, since he would just cry about how they're not a sports fanatic who would go to bars with him and drink inane amounts of beer (he knows I'm not all that fond of sports... D; ), and mom just doesn't mind if I'm happy!

[Syntax]

My dad doesn't give a crap, so long as I don't come home pregnant.

My mom's a different matter. She won't point out the negatives, but she'll emphasise on the positives. Like when I brought home a white guy (and I did) she said nothing except hello, but when I brought home an asian dude she was all oh, such a sweet, polite boy! Are you going out?

No pressure though, they emphasised a lot that all they want is for me to be happy.

Oh, and my sister will tease the heck out of me, but she covers for me if he sneaks over and stuff. Love it.

Edited by Irrana, 05 August 2012 - 01:07 AM.

[Elle]

I despise parents who force/ pressure their kids to date within their own race.
My parents are crazy enough to actually trust me to choose my own relationships / partners. Insane huh? Trusting your adult daughter to choose her own relationships. What is this world coming to.

[Pilot]

They don't interfere in my relationships and are open to whoever. Guess I have it easy

[Elindoril]

Nope I haven't told my dad anything about the relationships I've been in, since he would just cry about how they're not a sports fanatic who would go to bars with him and drink inane amounts of beer (he knows I'm not all that fond of sports... D; ), and mom just doesn't mind if I'm happy!

I'll do it for vodka instead.

[NapisaurusRex]

I don't have problems with my parents telling me or causing issues about who I date, but I also choose people they generally find acceptable. My sister almost got kicked out over her boyfriend last year and I think she's still in danger of it.

[Cydonia]

My mother every now and then asks if I'm dating someone, but I don't go and tell her everything about my relationship. I tell her what she wants to hear and that's pretty much it, I believe she doesn't care as long as I'm happy.