34 replies to this topic

[Muffin]

Want to see what you guys think to this / how you would resolve this.

 

2 months ago our friend came to live with us whilst he saves up to buy a house. He was previously living with his girlfriend but her parents had given them a deadline to have saved enough money to move out. They obviously didn't save enough and he had to move out so that's how he has come to stay with us. He pays us rent however the amount he pays us is less than half the price he would have to pay if he rented out a single room in a house and all bills/food is included in what he pays us. Initially i didn't mind him paying a lot less as it would leave him more money to save towards his house and he's a friend and we wanted to help him out. He does exactly what he wants in the house, he has access to everything, i do all his cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing. My son has moved out of his bedroom for him and is sharing a room with his sister which is really cramped. Also we are not meant to have lodgers so we are taking a big risk letting him stay with us. Basically him moving in is a big inconvenience to us but we want to help him out, we've worked round things and and made a lot of compromises, we don't have any money to spare due to letting him pay so little.

 

Now here's the thing, he's just gone and splashed out on a massive holiday abroad. Should i be pissed off or should i just "mind my own business, it's his money to do what he wants with". (that is what his girlfriend said to me when i very politely asked if he could afford it with saving for a house".

 

How would you handle it?

[luvsmyncis]

I'd give him 2 months to find a new place to live, or raise the price on his room and maid. Scratch that last part. Get the fuck out of my house, you leech. My son wants his room back, and I love my son more than I love friendship.

[Fikri]

woah, she said that? so rude. i think you made a mistake inviting him over.

[Sweeney]

If they're saving, they should be saving.

If you can't face kicking them out at a cost to your friendship, tell them your landlord called.

[Leeroy]

if its me... you should sit him down and talk to him and give him a ultimatum, saying get the hell out by 3 months ? (this should give him enough time to find proper rent. if he can blow his cash on holidays, he can blow it off rent)

 

sometimes people do not know what inconvenience they cause for others until shit load is dumped on their face

[Muffin]

This friend is also my sister's brother in law so as much as i would like to tell him to get out i feel i need to save the friendship for my sister's sake. Their wedding is at the end of this year and especially don't want to make that awkward for her. I'm warming to the landlord idea.

[Dan]

Bring him back down to Earth by reminding him of the things you do around the house, the sacrifices you and your son have made to support him living there, and the fact that he's paying a significantly reduced rate for the rent.

 

Kicking him out isn't going to help the situation any, but staying silent is only going to make you resent him more. Communication is key! 

 

And everyone needs holidays.

[Mizk]

So he's living with you in order to save money, but is using up the said saved money on a holiday abroad 

Ditch him. He's obviously not taking it seriously. I'm pretty sure he plans on living with you for as long as he needs to and has no plans to save up quickly. He is under the impression that there is no real deadline for him.

Tell him he cancels his trip or he no longer has a place to stay. That is incredibly disrespectful of him. You are being severely inconvenienced in order to accomodate him, and he does not care at all

Edited by Mizk, 12 June 2014 - 06:47 AM.

[Sweeney]

And everyone needs holidays.

A holiday doesn't have to be "massive" or "abroad" or in the middle of saving for a deposit, though.

[NapisaurusRex]

I agree with all of these people. You're being taken advantage of, and since he's semi-related to you, you'll want to avoid resentment.

 

Why in the world are you doing all his laundry, etc though?

[KaibaSama]

If he has the cash to spend on a trip abroad, raise the rent. If he then complains about it, remind him of all the things you have to do for him that he seems to be taking for granted. He doesn't seem to care about ever buying a house.

Edited by Satsuki, 12 June 2014 - 06:50 AM.

[Dan]

A holiday doesn't have to be "massive" or "abroad" or in the middle of saving for a deposit, though.

 

We don't have any specifics so I'm not going to presume.

[NapisaurusRex]

We don't have any specifics so I'm not going to presume.

 

Now here's the thing, he's just gone and splashed out on a massive holiday abroad. Should i be pissed off or should i just "mind my own business, it's his money to do what he wants with". (that is what his girlfriend said to me when i very politely asked if he could afford it with saving for a house".
 
How would you handle it?

[Sweeney]

We don't have any specifics so I'm not going to presume.

Yeah, ok, Dan.

[Dan]

 

 

 

specifics

[NapisaurusRex]

idk, if she feels like it's abroad, I'm inclined to believe it is too.

[Dan]

idk, if she feels like it's abroad, I'm inclined to believe it is too.

 

Abroad only automatically means expensive in the US.

 

(although, probably also in a few other large countries, but certainly not here in the UK)

[NapisaurusRex]

Abroad only automatically means expensive in the US.

I feel like your member title is appropriate.

[Dan]

I feel like your member title is appropriate.

 

Good. That's why it's there.

[Rocket]

If he can take a trip, he isn't saving.

 

I agree with most people and raise his rent and/or give him a deadline to find a new place. Your family shouldn't have to suffer, I understand you are being extremely selfless in helping this person, but sounds like he's taking advantage of you.

[NapisaurusRex]

Good. That's why it's there.

Every conversation we have ends with me learning something.

[Muffin]

When i say a massive, i mean a 2 week all inclusive holiday to turkey which is costing them nearly £2000.

 

I agree with all of these people. You're being taken advantage of, and since he's semi-related to you, you'll want to avoid resentment.

 

Why in the world are you doing all his laundry, etc though?

 

I'm just too nice lol. I feel like im playing a hostess rather than a landlord of sorts. I know  shouldn't. It's also more convenient for me to shove his clothes in the washer with ours rather be hanging around waiting for him to finish using the mashine. I have 2 kids and use the washing machine daily and also the nature of his job means he is washing work clothes every day

[NapisaurusRex]

When i say a massive, i mean a 2 week all inclusive holiday to turkey which is costing them nearly £2000.
 
 
I'm just too nice lol. I feel like im playing a hostess rather than a landlord of sorts. I know  shouldn't. It's also more convenient for me to shove his clothes in the washer with ours rather be hanging around waiting for him to finish using the mashine. I have 2 kids and use the washing machine daily and also the nature of his job means he is washing work clothes every day

awww yeah, that makes sense then.

[Florg]

It is completely your business because you're going way out of your way to provide him with a roof over his head, food in his stomach and essentially "taking care" of him in order to help him save money for a home and he's abusing that to afford luxuries for himself.

 

I would tell him, if he's serious about saving money then he needs to prioritize his life. If he can afford a luxury trip, then he can afford to pay a more fair share of the rent and if he doesn't like it, he can find somewhere else to stay. He's taking advantage of your kindness and ignoring the fact that you're taking a risk in doing so.

He's ungrateful and so is his girlfriend. Personally, I'd kick his ass to the curb but I also am not overly attached to family (or extended family) and treat them no different than I would treat anyone else. Family doesn't get special treatment in my opinion; many people I've encountered seem to think that family gets a free pass to treat you like shit just because they're family.

 

Yea.....no.

 

 

 

And everyone needs holidays

 

Uhm, I've not had a vacation since graduating high school 10+ years ago.
Vacations/Holidays are a luxury especially when you're spending $2000+ on one.
A holiday to get away from the stress of life is one thing, an expensive vacation when you're trying to afford a home is another.

Edited by Florg, 12 June 2014 - 07:23 AM.

[Waser Lave]

I'd be kicking him out, spending that £2000 on a holiday means that he's going to be looking to stay there for as long as it takes to make that money back up on top of how long he would have already stayed... I'm presuming he isn't on a massive wage given that he has to stay with you in the first place so you're probably talking at least an extra 6 months for a regular person to make up that £2000. That's just massively selfish and he's taking advantage of you.