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You Are Now Leaving Hollywood


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#1 Vex

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Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:34 PM

I've begun to write my own book which is a mix between a survival horror and what might happen as a result to a Nuclear War. Please give me honst comments and ways to better my writing. The following is the first three pages from chapter 1.

Spoiler Chapter: You are now leaving Hollywood
April 18th, 2035 8:00am

The rays from the sun indicated that a new day had dawned. Light flowed into the city as water would through the cracks in a street. The city had once been my home for the past few months; all that remained were ruins devoid of hope. Over this past week, everything changed. I had learned that there were other survivors out there and some were building new communities. This comforting information came from someone I had thought long dead; my own brother.

I had been walking lifelessly down the barren streets of the city I had once called home thinking of nothing but death. A small quarrel with a group of people, if I can even call them that anymore, the night before had ruined my clothes and I was ravenous with hunger. That first missile changed everything—and everyone in the city. It altered their appearances and their minds. The friends I used to know, the men and women who had once walked the streets, had all become one with the dead. No life could be seen in their eyes—only a thirst for blood.

That same missile decimated the buildings that made up the city and killed all those inside—and miles around them. What remained was an assortment of charred wood and mangled metal. Rubble still burned in the streets and dead littered the ground where the homeless had once begged. The lights that once gleamed with pride now stood shattered and broken looking down on the lifeless streets before it. I used to enjoy looking inside the store windows and seeing what was for sale but now all I could see was emptiness. The trees lining the roads had burned down and the grass no longer existed. The city looked more like a desert then anything else. I missed the birds that used to sing songs as the bustling crowd went back and forth. I missed the chatter of those same people, and even their constant yelling at each other. I now truly understood what it was like to have nothing and for the first time; I realized what I had taken for granted all these years.

To survive in this new world required more then just physical strength. What one needed was street smart. I knew when to run, when to fight, and when to not get involved at all. The most important necessity was a weapon. On my person, I currently held two. One was one of my father’s antique knives that he had given for me as a graduation gift and the other was a small pistol I had scavenged from one of the dead on the street. It had only six shots and so far, I only had to shoot one. No matter how deformed, these people were still people and still knew exactly what a gun meant. Only one person dared see if it was loaded and he found out when he got too close. I had seen others with weapons roaming the city. Every time however, I witnessed either a suicide or a murder. The world I now lived in belonged to gangs, theft, and mutations. Minorities of people were only affected lightly and were slightly misshapen. These were the normal people now and the people who had began to create communities where they could live in piece. Even a smaller portion, like me, was not mutated in anyway. The worst we got was some unknown illness that did nothing visible or painful except cause pain to the head and stomach areas. The fully mutated souls who received the worst of the blast only stayed with one another and killed anyone who approached to closely. The most common characteristic of these people was rotting flesh that fell of their bodies in small bits like dandruff. Just the site itself could make someone with a weak stomach knee down and vomit. All the food in the city was gone with the exception of some canned goods that you could find in the rubble of old grocery stores. This was the only neutral zone in the city. It was here that no one fought, and no one was killed. For safety, most survivors lived in these stores, close to the food and the safety it provided. What puzzled me more though was why did those who were mutated not stop to eat? I did not find out until last night what they ate…

I had just finished my own meal of canned beans and a few Twinkies when I saw one of them pass by the store. He kept his distance as if it did not want to be seen. It was a reasonable reason but my curiosity had exceeded my common sense. I crept out of the store and followed him a few yards behind. He dressed oddly and unusually rich. He wore a red gown embroidered in gold linen. A large hood completely hid his face. He made my old jeans and t-shirt look like rags. After what seemed an hour, the man came across an old, injured, and dieing victim propped against a crumbing victim. He said a few words to the man and a smile came across his face. The man allowed the robed figure to pick him up and sling him over his shoulder. He carried the man for another ten minutes walking distance before he stopped in front of a large building. The building looked like an old corporate head quarters and appeared to be several stories high. Most of the windows had been shattered and the top of the building was falling apart at an alarming rate. The robed man dropped the old man on the ground. He looked confused and stared at the robed man. I almost did not notice but at that moment, he blew a small whistle that was concealed under his garments and a crowd of people bustled out of the building. I watched in horror as the mutated humans tore the man’s limbs off and carried him, in parts, back inside. The robed one followed the trail of blood like a red carpet.

Keeping my distance, I slowly followed them into the building’s interior. Inside was something I did not believe when I saw. The robed man now stood atop a dais, which luxurious items surrounded. Gold littered the walls and velvet embroidered the seats. Everything seemed stable and under control which is not the story the building seemed to tell. The robed figure blew a small silent whistle and three men hefted the limbs onto a bloody table. The group then set fire to the parts and the rest of the room began to hum an eerie tune. The mere thought of these people killing and burning people for what seemed some crazed religion sickened me. I turned to leave the building and I tripped over a wire on the floor. My face hitting the floor echoed through the room. In unison, the people in the room turned around and screeched. The noise was so painful I quivered on the ground covering my ears. After what felt like an eternity, the robed man pulled out his whistle and blew it again. This time they all grew silent and stared at me. One moved forward and with another blow of the whistle, the rest swarmed him. I watched in horror as I saw the agony of another man being torn apart limb by limb. As quickly as possible, I jumped to my feet and ran for the exit.

A bolt of lightning lit the room and rain began to pound outside. Noise came from behind as I bolted for the door. Another flash lit the streets long enough to see that more were coming in from the streets; they had me surrounded. I was not able to count them all and they seemed to be multiplying. I turned around and recoiled in fear to see that the ones behind me had finished with their victim and wanted another sacrifice… Without any other option, I escaped up a flight of stairs. One…two…three flights, I kept on climbing stairs never stopping. Destroyed offices passed my vision in instances. Dead bodies, limbless and skeletal, littered the floors. Some held their sides and a few held children long dead. Pieces of wall were constantly falling off and it puzzled me how the building had withstood the blast in the first place. By the time I reached the top of the building, I was out of breath. I could hear the people catching up to me. There were no doors to board up. There were no desks for cover. I had run into an empty office room, devoid of any furniture. Small pieces of wood boarded up the windows. Most of the windows were shattered and the useless wood that could not stand the blast was scattered in splinters across the room. The people of this building never stood a chance. My attention shifted as one of them reached my floor. It was the first time I had truly seen what the radiation really did to these people…

The man was approximately 6’2’’, much taller then myself, and looked very muscular. His tongue hang limp from his mouth as his jaw was missing. He wore no short and a chunk of his right side was missing and bleeding. Flesh dropped from his body in sickening plops and he stank like a landfill on his own. His hair had half fallen out and his left eye was hanging from its socket. He limped towards me slowly and did not make any threatening motions. More noise came from the steps and two more stepped into the room. Each of them was different in each aspect. All three of them was missing flesh and smelled horrible but were deformed differently. The second one who came up had an enlarged his right side of his face enlarged and was missing his arm from the elbow on. Both kneecaps were torn open and he tripped with every movement. The other was a woman who was shorter than both men were but looked just as cruelly misshapen. Both legs were skinned and bled, all her hair had fallen out and parts of her face had began to decay off. She was missing both eyes and croaked as if she could no longer talk. They all advanced on me slowly but steadily. As more and more crept up the stairs, I began to see that I could not survive in a fight. More then anything though I wanted a quick death if one was inevitable. Knowing I would slowly be torn apart in agony, I decided there was only one more option¾jump to my death. I backed up too one of the broken windows and looked down. It was a good way down. I was sure that this would be it. I smirked at the creatures coming at me. “You want a meal? Well you’re going to have to fetch it.” Without another thought on the matter, I leapt from the building.

The fell felt like an hour. Most people saw their lives flash before them as they fell, I saw nothing but an approaching ground. As I neared my death, my legs sprung out by instinct as if to try to stop my falling. As soon as it had begun it ended, the results however were not as I expected. My feet were first to touch ground. My legs buckled and I was sure they were going to be crushed to bits but they did the impossible¾they absorbed the shock. Pain sprung through my body as the force traveled upwards and was eventually released in a scream of agony. I collapsed onto my knees and clutched my legs before I realized that I could clutch my legs. I stared at my hands and pinched myself. I was alive. It all seemed impossible to me and yet I did it. I did not have time to think things over as more people came from the building. As I got up to run, I saw a figure, then two, and finally a third, fall from the top window. The ones I had run from had followed me to my death. They, unlike me, were not as lucky. Their bodies blew apart on impact. Limbs scattered across the ground and blood splattered my clothes. I wanted to throw up but I did not have the time. I did not stay to watch the men and women scavenge the dead bodies, I ran. I ran long and hard for a good mile before I stopped. Buildings buzzed by and my legs gave way. I collapsed in the middle of the road and felt my mind growing unconscious. As I lay there, I thought to myself “After all of that…I’m still going to die.”

©Ryan Jakuboski 2006

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    #2 Sean

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:35 PM

    Wow,
    it's very long. I will read it!
    I swear I will, just not this second.

    #3 cokiwah

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:36 PM

    Hehe looks fun... =)

    #4 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:41 PM

    It is fun, and very time consuming.

    #5 Mr. Hobo

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:42 PM

    Good story, well worded and paints a vivid picture. The pace is good but somewhat too fast. The part with the protaganist falling off a cliff and being able to run afterwards while the mutants exploded on impact is unrealistic though. Might want to switch that for something, maybe make him dive in salt water where mutants can't go as the salt goes into there decaying flesh and causes them great pain.

    You might want to do a prologue to add some depth and possibly background. Or maybe make the character retell the chain of events that caused the nukes to be dropped slowly over the story. Great story.

    #6 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:47 PM

    I have a prologue, but its bad and I'm rewriting it. As for the building you meen, you find out later that he too has been affected by the radiation. Due to his blood type a special agent in the nukes causes his muscles and body functions to grow at alarming rates. His reaction time grows faster but it shortens his life. So as it saves his life and increases his overall performance, it is slowly killing him.

    #7 Mr. Hobo

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:50 PM

    Okay, thanks for explaining. Looking foward to reading more, if you ever get stuck somewhere you know who to poke :p

    #8 Alex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:52 PM

    Very well written! Great job!
    I'd buy it :D

    #9 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:55 PM

    @Toxic-Thanks and your welcome. I'm always looking for editors you know.
    @Alex-thanks, that meens alot since I want to get this published one day.

    #10 Melchoire

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 06:59 PM

    Looks pretty good to me :)
    My friend is writing a book in a Lord of the Ring's genre you know fatasy and so far it's at around 150 pages :p

    #11 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:01 PM

    Thats amazing. Does he plan to get it published?

    #12 Cory

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:06 PM

    The plot so far is already starting to show high development and potential. Very descriptive so far, but I do have to suggest you put more description into how the town looks. You use the word "Dead" several times and death. I think you should re consider the wording a little bit, but over all it is very nice.

    I would purchase this book.

    I could also see it developing into a movie.

    #13 ink

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:11 PM

    I love you. I love you. I love you.

    This is one of my favorite genres, not to mention the actual story is amazing so far.

    I WILL PURCHASE THE BOOK, BECAUSE YOU WILL MAKE IT.

    #14 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:16 PM

    yes, this is why I need editors. I did not realize how many times I used dead. As for describing the city, I will have to work harder on descriptions I guess. I think thats my weakest link in writing.I'm honored Ink. I'm a fan of the series as well and yet there aren't enough books like it.

    Edited by Vex, 27 April 2006 - 07:17 PM.


    #15 ink

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:32 PM

    yes, this is why I need editors. I did not realize how many times I used dead. As for describing the city, I will have to work harder on descriptions I guess. I think thats my weakest link in writing.I'm honored Ink. I'm a fan of the series as well and yet there aren't enough books like it.

    I could be an editor if you wish. I found a few spelling, reptition, and gramatical errors. Nothing too serious, the story still sticks out in your mind.

    Oh dear do I wish I had an imagination still.

    #16 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:34 PM

    Just compile anything wrong for me if you will. And everyone has an imagination, just some dwindle away as we become absorbed in reality.

    #17 amyjia

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:35 PM

    Oh my jeepers.. Scary stuff :crybaby: .. The plot is very interesting and the story... very descriptive.

    It's cool that Ink volunteered to be your "Editor"^_^

    Also, when the protaganist mentions their brother, I was so expecting to learn more about the brother and where the protaganist found him, etc.

    Edited by amyjia, 27 April 2006 - 07:42 PM.


    #18 ink

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:38 PM

    I will start on it tomorrow. It is 11:38 PM here :p

    #19 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 07:41 PM

    @Ink: k
    @Amyjia: well from the progression of story if you pay attention to contxt clues, everything after the first paragraph is a flashbackk. If your curious, the part I left off at is accually where his brother enters the picture. --=I had been walking lifelessly down the barren streets of the city I had once called home thinking of nothing but death.=-- That "had" set everything following it as a flashback.

    #20 amyjia

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 08:02 PM

    @Amyjia: well from the progression of story if you pay attention to contxt clues, everything after the first paragraph is a flashbackk. If your curious, the part I left off at is accually where his brother enters the picture. --=I had been walking lifelessly down the barren streets of the city I had once called home thinking of nothing but death.=-- That "had" set everything following it as a flashback.


    But the part about your brother(which was in the previous paragraph) you also used "had".

    The rays from the sun indicated that a new day had dawned. Light flowed into the city as water would through the cracks in a street. The city had once been my home for the past few months; all that remained were ruins devoid of hope. Over this past week, everything changed. I had learned that there were other survivors out there and some were building new communities. This comforting information came from someone I had thought long dead; my own brother.

    Maybe it would be clearer if you changed some of the past tense in this paragraph like this.

    The rays from the sun indicates that a new day is dawning. Light flows into the city as water would through the cracks in a street. The city is no longer my home; all that remains of it are ruins devoid of hope. Over this past week, everything has changed. I learn that there are other survivors out there and some are building new communities. This comforting information comes from someone I thought long dead; my own brother.


    Edited by amyjia, 27 April 2006 - 08:05 PM.


    #21 Vex

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 08:07 PM

    I gotta reveal more about the story I see. I understand where your coming from yes. The story itself is the main character reliving his past too the third main character after the second is killed. What should I do to make that move obvious that the whole thing is a flashback? (And yes, there is a flashback in the flashback >.<)

    #22 amyjia

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    Posted 27 April 2006 - 08:20 PM

    I gotta reveal more about the story I see. I understand where your coming from yes. The story itself is the main character reliving his past too the third main character after the second is killed. What should I do to make that move obvious that the whole thing is a flashback? (And yes, there is a flashback in the flashback >.<)


    Hmm.. Since this is only a section of the story, things like this can happen, but if you set it up to be a flashblack and then put a flashback in the flashback, it should be understandable as a whole story.

    #23 Vex

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    Posted 28 April 2006 - 06:13 AM

    I have no idea what you were trying to say in that sentence. Its kinda half a flashback of the book. Halfway in is where it begins to be present day.

    #24 ink

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    Posted 28 April 2006 - 04:49 PM

    Done on the editing job.

    Hopefully it is now more descriptive (although it is already very), less repetitive, and more gramatically and spelling correct.

    Here is my final result.

    Spoiler Chapter: You Are Now Leaving Hollywood
    April 18th, 2035 8:00am

    The rays from the sun indicated that a new day had dawned. Light flowed into the city as water would through the cracks in a street. The city had once been my home; all that remained now though were ruins devoid of hope. Over this past week, everything I had known changed. I had learned that there were other survivors out there, some even building new communities. This comforting information came from someone I had thought long dead; my own brother.

    I had been walking lifelessly down the barren streets of the city I had once called home thinking of nothing but my own hellish end. A small quarrel with a group of people, if I can even call them that anymore, the night before had ruined my clothes and the exhaustion had left me ravenous with hunger. Proudly showing that first missile changed everything—and everyone in the city. It altered their appearances and their minds. The friends I used to know, the men and women who had once walked the streets, had all become one with the dead. No life could be seen in their eyes—only a thirst for blood and a passion for hate.

    That same missile decimated the buildings that made up the city and killed all those inside—and miles around them. What remained was an assortment of charred wood and mangled metal. Rubble still burned in the streets and dead littered the ground where the homeless had once begged. The lights that once gleamed with pride now stood shattered and broken looking down on the lifeless streets before it. I used to enjoy looking inside the store windows and seeing the active patrons and customers, but now all I could see was emptiness. The trees lining the roads had burned down and the grass no longer existed. The city looked more like a barren wasteland than anything else. I missed the birds that used to sing songs as the bustling crowd on the streets went back and forth. I missed the chatter of those same people, and even their constant yelling at each other, hell, even at me. I now truly understood what it was like to have nothing and for the first time; I realized what I had taken for granted all these years of a non-seeming paradise. A broken dream of a post-apocalyptic nightmare had now been erected from it.

    To survive in this new world required more than just physical strength. What a true survivor needed was street intelligence and controlled primal instinct. I knew when to run, when to fight, and when to not get involved whatsoever. The most important necessity was a weapon. On my person, I currently held two. The first being one of my father’s antique knives that he had given for me as a graduation gift so long ago, and the other was a small pistol I had scavenged from one of the long-dead corpses on the street. The pistol had only six shots, and so far, I only had to release one. No matter how deformed and mentally twisted, these people were still people and still knew exactly what a firearm meant. Only one person dared see if it was loaded and he found out when he got too close with his threatening stance. I had seen others with weapons roaming the desolate city. Every time however, I witnessed them in either a suicide or a murder. The world I now lived in belonged to gang activity, theft, and mutations. Minimal minorities of people were only affected lightly and were slightly misshapen. These were, questionably, the normal people now and these people had began to create communities where they could move through life in peace. An even smaller portion, like me, were not mutated in anyway. The worst that we got was some unknown illness that did nothing visible or seriously harmful, except cause pain to the head and stomach areas. The fully mutated and distorted souls, who received the worst of the blast, now stayed only with one another; killing anything and anyone who approached too near. The most common characteristic of these people was rotting flesh that fell of their bodies in small bits like dandruff. Just the site itself could make someone with a weak stomach, knee down and vomit. All the food in the city was gone with the exception of some canned goods that you could find in the rubble of old grocery stores. This was the only neutral zone in the city. It was here that no one fought, and no one was killed. For safety, most survivors lived in these stores, close to the food and the shelter it provided. What puzzled me more though, was why did those who were mutated not stop to eat? I did not find out this grim detail until last night…

    I had just finished my own meal of canned beans and a few starch-based cream-filled snacks, when I saw one of them pass by the store. It kept its distance as if it did not want to be seen. I could see why this would be reasonable, but my curiosity had exceeded my common sense. I crept out of the safety of the store and followed him a few yards behind. It dressed oddly and unusually well. It wore a red gown embroidered in gold linen. A large hood completely hid its face. It made my old jeans and t-shirt look like rags, although now after what has happened that is pretty much what they were. After what seemed like hours, the creature came across an old, injured, and dieing victim propped against a crumbling structure. It said a few words to the man and a smile came across its face, allowing me to see the mutated remains of a man. The man allowed the robed figure to pick him up and sling him over his shoulder. He carried the man for another ten minutes walking distance before he stopped in front of a large building. The building looked like an old corporate head quarters and appeared to be several stories high. Most of the windows had been shattered and the top of the building was falling apart at an alarming rate. The robed person harshly dropped the old man on the ground. The man looked confused and stared at the robed mutant. I almost did not notice but at that moment, he blew a small whistle that was concealed under his garments and a crowd of people bustled out of the building. I watched in horror as the mutated humans tore the man’s limbs off and carried him, dismantled and mutilated, back inside. The robed one followed the trail of blood like a red carpet upon a dusty pearled floor.

    Keeping my distance, I slowly followed them into the building’s interior. Inside was something that my sight would not allow to be believed. The robed man now stood atop a dais, which luxurious and beautiful items surrounded. Gold littered the walls and velvet embroidered the seats. Everything seemed stable and under control which is not the story the building seemed to tell. The robed figure blew a small silent whistle and three men hefted the limbs onto a bloody table. The group then set fire to the parts and the rest of the room began to hum an eerie tune. The mere thought of these people killing and burning people for what seemed some crazed religious cult sickened me. I turned to leave the building and I tripped over a thin wire on the floor. My face hitting the floor echoed through the room. In unison, the people in the room turned around and screeched. The noise was so painful to my ears I quivered on the ground covering them. After what felt like an eternity, the robed man pulled out his whistle and blew it yet again. This time they all grew silent and stared at me. One moved forward and with repetitive blow of the whistle, the rest swarmed him. I watched in horror as I saw the agony of another unlucky human being torn apart limb by limb. As quickly as possible, I jumped to my feet and ran for the exit.

    A bolt of lightning lit the room, blowing a thunderclap while rain began to pound outside. A disturbing noise came from behind as I bolted for the door. Another flash lit the streets long enough to allow me to see that more were coming in from the streets; they had me surrounded. I was not able to count them all, but they seemed to be multiplying. I turned around and recoiled in fear to see that the ones behind me had finished with their victim and wanted another sacrifice… Without any other option, I escaped up a flight of stairs. One…two…three flights, I kept on climbing stairs never stopping. Destroyed offices passed my vision in instances of near infinity. Dead bodies, limbless and skeletal, plagued the floors. Some huddled over hoping for protection and a few held children long dead. Pieces of wall were constantly falling off and it baffled me on how the building had withstood the blast in the first place. By the time I reached the top of the titan-sized structure, I was out of breath. I could hear them catching up to me, although my pace seemed far more efficient. There were no doors to board up, there were no desks for cover, no apparent chance of salvation. I had run into an empty office room, devoid of any furniture. Small planks of rotted and cracked wood boarded up the windows. Most of the windows were shattered and many of the weak pieces of wood had been reduced to splinters scattered across the floor. More than obviously now I notice, the people of this building never stood a chance. My attention shifted as one of them reached my floor. It was the first time I had seen truly what the violent radiation did to these people…

    The man who approached was roughly six foot two, much taller than myself, and looked very muscular; just enough to rip the very soul out of your body. His tongue hang limp from his mouth, his jaw was completely gone, only reminisce of the upper roof remained. He wore no clothing but a ragged remain of a cross-hatch sack and a chunk of his right side was missing, bleeding so constantly that it should be fatal to most. Flesh dropped from his body in sickening chunks, he looked better than he smelled though, the stench he bore was far worse than a landfill. His hair had half fallen out and his left eye somehow functioned while it lay slightly drifting from its socket. He limped towards me slowly, but did not seem to make any threat physical or otherwise. More noise came from the staircase and two more stepped into the room. All three of them were missing various pieces of flesh and smelled horrible to a point almost unbearable to me, but each were deformed in a different manner. The second one who came up had a grossly distorted and enlarged face with a disgusting blood painted rotting green tint. He had lost most of his arms from the elbow downward and both of his kneecaps were torn open, causing him to stumble with every movement towards me. The other was a woman who was shorter than both the men were, but looked just as cruelly misshapen. Both her legs were skinned to near bone and bled in massive drops, all her hair had fallen out, and parts of her face around her cheek had began to decay off. She was missing both eyes and grunted as if she could no longer talk. They all continue to advance on me, slowly but steadily. As more and more crept up the stairs, I began to see that I could not survive in a fight. More than anything though I wanted a quick death, if one was inevitable. Knowing I would slowly be torn apart in torturous agony and pain, I decided there was only one more option… jump to the tainted and broken concrete on the ground below, death upon impact. I backed up to one of the broken windows and looked down. It was a good ways down, I was sure that this would be it. I smirked at the creatures coming at me. “You want a meal? Well you’re going to have to fetch it.” Without another thought on the matter, I leapt from the building.

    It felt like air had teased me to fall for hours. Most people saw their lives flash before them as they fell, I saw nothing but an approaching ground drenched in my future’s blood. As I neared my supposed death, my legs sprung out as if by instinct to try and stop my falling. As soon as it had begun it ended, the results however were not as I expected. My feet were first to touch ground. My legs buckled and I was sure they were going to be crushed to blood-drenched pulp, but they did the impossible… they absorbed the shock. Pain surged through my body as the force traveled upwards and was eventually released in a scream of distress. I collapsed onto my knees and clutched my legs before I realized that I could even do so. I stared at my hands and pinched myself. This pain was welcomed, I was alive. It all seemed impossible to me and yet I did it. I did not have anymore time to think things over, more and more people came out in a flood like mass from the building. As I got up to run, I saw a figure, then two, and finally a third, fall from the top floor from that same window I had. The ones I had run from had followed me to my death. They, unlike me, were not as lucky. Their bodies blew apart into a demented and bloody mosaic on the pavement. Some limbs scattered across the ground and blood splattered my clothes. I wanted to throw up, but even that I did not have time for. I didn’t stay to watch the men and women scavenge the dead bodies, as I knew their fate. I ran long and hard for a good mile and a half before I stopped. Buildings flew by and my legs gave away. I collapsed in the center of the barren road and felt my mind drift into unconsciousness. As I lay there, I thought to myself “After all of that…I’m still going to die…”

    Copyright ©Ryan Jakuboski 2006; Edited by Chase Colman



    #25 travis

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    Posted 28 April 2006 - 05:12 PM

    sdFGSAG DSGH:M AG:KSAG I WANT IT IN MY PANTS NOW.

    Very, VERY few books can catch my attention to where they I want to keep going after I close it, but there is no more to read.

    God damnit!!

    ;ngfsd'nhsd
    ;nmh


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