14 replies to this topic

[Cassy]

Well, I'm an agnostic, except I do believe in god just not in religion. I do respect religion and I believe we should have the freedom and right to believe in what we choose. Unfortunatly, my family kind of don't think so. They've got a religion and they are pretty strict on it, which is okay, except I wish they wouldn't shove it down my throat. I won't name them or their religion, but I feel I need a bit of advice on this matter.

I live with my grandmother, uncle, aunt and cousins. I used to have my mum and big sister around, but my mum moved out for her independence (grandmother is clingy and overprotective so you can guess the rest) and my sister reverted from the religion and married a non-religious man so she isn't welcome back.

I'm afraid if I turn away they'll kick me out or hate me for committing the worst sins if I tell them. They still think I'm religious but just not practising. If I turned out to be leaving the religion I know they'll look down on me, they are a bit peeved at me for not being serious into it already. I hear and dislike how they talk about people who aren't with their religion, or with other religion, or even worse; the people who turn away. And I'm scared of what will happen. They already HATE (or in family terms; deeply disappointed with) my sister. Luckily she reverted when she was an adult and she got married and moved in with her husband so she was okay.

I am a teenager turning into a young adult next year, I cannot live a life of pretending just to make my parents happy, I need to be free to believe in what I want. On the other hand I feel no matter how forceful my grandmother is I do not want to end up breaking her heart and make her worry and pray sleepless nights over it, and I don't want other religious people in the community to turn away from me, afterall I am, and still are the same person, I just wouldn't be hiding it anymore.

I just wish for a world or time where religious or non-religious could accept their differences and stop trying to change each other. This goes for atheist parents too since I can tell you this can happen in any household.



In the meantime is there anything I can do? Should I just pretend until I get a roof of my own or just be down to earth and tell them the truth?

- Cassandra

[Noitidart]

Hmm well non-practicing is as good as no religion.
But hmm. Really religion is a choice that can't be forced. Let me think about this for a bit.

[ShadowLink64]

I see exactly where you are coming from. Religion, and especially organized religion as we see it today is something that I am very skeptical of. It frightens me sometimes not because I don't understand its significance or its mechanisms in society, but because many people out there misconstrue what is written in the Bible (or the Qur'an, or any other holy books that you may find out there). I still don't know how I feel about religion serving a "positive" role in society -- all I know that an atheist can be as moral (by Christian standards for example), or even more moral than some Christians. It's all in how you're raised, social norms, laws, etc... With that said, the holy books have not prevented many from committing horrible crimes and some use their religion to feign innocence.

For many though, religion is a very enlightening experience and a positive one. It all depends on who you are, and how/where you were raised. It has to be a personal journey and not something that is forced, like Noitidart said.

my sister reverted from the religion and married a non-religious man so she isn't welcome back.

I don't care what religion they're from, if they're going to ex-communicate their own daughter (speaking about the parents) just because she doesn't share the same beliefs as them, it shows that they are close-minded and are probably a selfish person for both imposing their views on them, and not extending the parental support to them as they would have if they were religious.

In the meantime is there anything I can do? Should I just pretend until I get a roof of my own or just be down to earth and tell them the truth?

- Cassandra

My advice: If you're living at home, you are under your parents' reign. Things would probably go over better with them if you did go along with it for a while until you get your own place. I'm not sure what else to say.

[Noitidart]

If you want to research your own religion don't be shy they are your parents or grandma. Talk to them that's the best thing. Talk and talk and talk till you get your way. You're the kid you will As long as it's not totally like killing yourself. Like don't expect them to let you do drugs.

[Mr. Hobo]

Well, I'm an agnostic, except I do believe in god just not in religion.

Agnosticism is the philosophical view that the truth value of certain claims — particularly metaphysical claims regarding theology, afterlife or the existence of deities, spiritual beings, or even ultimate reality — is unknown or, depending on the form of agnosticism, inherently impossible to prove or disprove and hence unknowable.

No you're not

Frankly, fuck your family. Religion is a personal choice, you should not be pressured at all. You already said what you want to do, you just have to chose when to act on it.

I cannot live a life of pretending just to make my parents happy, I need to be free to believe in what I want.

As for the issue of them kicking you out, can you support yourself? (And if you think that is a possibility you might want to re-evauluate your feelings for them. If they can't accept you for who you are then I doubt love is there. How can they love you if they don't truely know you? )If you can't live on your own you might want to avoid confrontation until then. I'd prefer some oppression to homelessness.

[Hydrogen]

There is no compulsion in religion

[Cassy]

I can't move out at this moment. Right now I don't have a terrific job so I'm not sure it will pay the rent. In the U.K you cannot move out until you're 18, at 16 I can but I need my guardian's signed permission. I'm also into my studies at college and I'm not sure if moving out will mean I will start to have to pay etc. I think it would be a good choice for me to move out at 18, but I think 21 would be the best time.

I have to say it would be awfully long.

[Jake]

This is why most religious people are full of shit, I have relatives like this too that wont communicate with you unless if it's about God/religion etc.

If you can't support yourself then I would suggest pretending/or just do the practices because obviously if you tell them straight out they will kick you out, you can try however telling them they're too strict about it. Up to you on that one. Good luck and hope it goes well.

/athiest

[iargue]

Honestly, you have to stay with your parents, and pretending like you are now would be the best thing. You cant change their views over night, but the best thing to do would be to get really close to your grandmother, and then you will shock her when you decry her views and move out. This will help to cause her to hopefully realize one day how wrong she was forcing others to her way.

If you must move out now, talk to your mother, or you sister. Maybe one of them will help you out as much as they can.

[Cassy]

Ehhh... they know now, I think they've figured it and they've turned really cold. Not that I care anyway. =/

[nox]

if your family can't accept you for thinking rationally then you're probably better off coming to grips with their ignorance and understanding that it's not their fault since they're victims too. try to love them for their better qualities

Edited by nox, 10 August 2009 - 01:55 PM.

[Frizzle]

Fuck religion.

But seriously, fuck people's perceptions of religion.

[Cyo]

Big deal just pretend to like jesus n all that shit till you're 18.

Then get a mohawk, two piercings (you know where lulz) and show up with a biker boyfriend saying he is the new pastor for your satanic church.

[Ives]

You're better off carrying your convictions in your mind until you get to be financially independent.

The problem with religion, I think, is it tries too much to be an objective basis for a way to live when there really is a subjective morality. Different things best suit different people, and you have to find that in your heart, not in a doctrine of any sort. It tries to say it should be this way when humans are supposed to be diverse in all capacities. I don't buy the whole religion killing millions: I think religion is often just a smoke screen justification for economic or racist or whatever reason to do bad things. But at the end of the day, it's still not good for you, nessecarily. And if you are to have it, you do need to have a degree of spirituality and intellectual care that frees you from merely going with the flow.

[Mr. Hobo]

The problem with religion, I think, is it tries too much to be an objective basis for a way to live when there really is a subjective morality.

Very well said