gyro

Have you ever been in a chaotic situation in which you had to keep a leveled head? Were you able to? If you haven't, can you tell me what you think you would do? Think of an example that frightens you - this could be a plane hijacking, a car driving into the water, being kidnapped, or anything else - and tell me what you think you would do and/or what you should do. If you have, what did you do, and was it wat you expected yourself to do?

kind of? nothing on the level of a plane hijacking, but i've been alone in the house during a robbery when i was a preteen, and i've been in several ambulance trips to hospitals for various reasons. i've been able to stay extremely calm in all situations, and have had people later comment on my nerves of steel/courage. i tend to be emotionally numb and can amplify that even more in chaotic situations, but when the adrenaline dies down sometimes the leftover anxiety can hit pretty hard!

note i do think if i was in one of the situations mentioned in the question i'd.. probably stay calm as usual but also be petrified on the inside.

Have you ever been in a (f.e. car) accident? Were you badly injured? Were you able to prevent an accident by quick action?

yes i was involved in a car accident, no i was not badly injured, the accident was not something that could have been avoided by 'quick action'. i did stay calm throughout the ordeal, moreso than many others, despite being a major victim myself.

Have you witnessed an accident? Did/could you help out? What did you do? Or did you suffer from the bystander effect? Did you feel like you could or should've helped out more?

sometimes i see people trip.. usually when i'm too far away to help, but if i'm close enough i always try to help them up/pick up anything they've dropped. i've also stepped in a few times to stop fights from breaking out. that's about all i can think of. i'm definitely not the type to suffer from bystander effect though.

Have you been in a life-threatening situation? Perhaps something that wasn't life-threatening in retrospect but felt like your last moments at the time?

sure have

Have you ever been threatened? For what? By who? Did you comply? Were you able to get out? Was it a robbery? Rape?

yea! for things not worth mentioning. by family, police, teachers. i was able to avoid the burn with the latter two, not with the first one.

Were you put in a life-threatening situation because of a (former) loved one?

i wouldn't call it life-threatening, no

What's your biggest fear? And the second biggest? The third? What's your biggest fear other than common fears like fear of heights or spiders? Disappointing your mentors, loved ones, family? Never achieving anything? Ending up in the gutter? Dying alone? Dying first or dying last?

being forgotten, i think. dying without ever having mattered. on one hand a quiet existence is kind of comforting too, but on the other... i want to be remembered.

Do you fear death?

i think i fear the process of dying more than death itself.

What's the worst nightmare you can remember?

i have memory problems so no details, but i think it was something to do with me being possessed by a demon, and when i woke up i had sleep paralysis & kept hallucinating said demon in my room with me. it was the worst few minutes of my life bc i couldn't think logically and assume it was a dream, i was entirely convinced it was real.