Beyond The Lighted Stage

On Tuesday, I got a letter from an 'ex' of mine, Lauren. She's in love with me, and I was with her... kinda. It's very complicated, and very messy. In short, I wasn't going to let myself fall too hard for her, as she already has a boyfriend - we actually met through him - and I don't need to be in another 'relationship' where the other person isn't exactly single. (Even so, I did let myself get somewhat hurt by her at times. Oh well...)

Apparently, she would've left him for me (which she should do regardless; they're really not right for one another), but she didn't feel that way, nor say as much, until I was with my current girlfriend, Evie. Although I would've loved to have tried things out with Lauren, I'm with Evie now, and now that I'm actually with her, I'm realising that she's probably a lot better for me than Lauren would've been. :3

There's a whole other story regarding mine and Lauren's 'affair' that we had also, but that's even longer and far more complicated.

Anyway, Lauren sent me the loveliest letter on Tuesday, and I wanted to share it:



Spanish --> "Hello my dear friend Russell"



Spanish --> "I'll love you forever"; "I miss you so much it hurts"

Unfortunately, I can't really reciprocate that. It's a real shitty situation.

On Friday night, my parents and I had our Bonfire Night 'party'. Basically, tons of fireworks, burgers, sausage, and rolls. I ate one chicken burger, as well as two venison and beef burgers... which is at least 3000-3500 calories, in one go?

The fireworks were pretty great, we had 10 ones that go straight up high and explode, a Roman Candle, plenty of spark showers and the like, and one big one that sent up 19 shots, most of which whistled, and a few other oddballs I can't really remember all that well. Unfortunately, we didn't have any that turned into a dragon and then exploded over the valley. One of them (I believe it was a spark shower of sorts) also exploded before it was done shooting sparks. It was a nice explosion though! :3

Unfortunately, some asshat from the next street across started shouting at us telling us to stop, and that he'd call the police if we didn't... but it's completely legal before 11am, so, screw him, I'm allowed to have fun if I want! Not to mention that because we're not in the same street (our estate has a weird layout), he wouldn't even know which house to complain about (so, it's a rather empty threat)... and apparently one of the rockets (or, rather, the fallout of it) hit his car... but I have no control over that, so, you know, what am I meant to do about that? Fuck all, is what I did; I just set off some more fireworks.

Grrr, what an ass though. :K

Anyway, I got to play with fire, and set off fireworks; it was a fun night! You can look at the (good) pictures below...

The night before last, I got a text from a friend of mine, Selin, telling me she couldn't sleep. Long story short, she persuaded me (well, she didn't persuade me, as such, but that's rather complicated) to record a 'goodnight story' (a.k.a. a bedtime story for her), and I chose Goldilocks. I'm actually quite proud of it, so, I'm sharing it with you lot as well.

A few things I ought to mention are that my phone buzzes about halfway through, but not too much, thankfully, I fucked up in a few places by not speaking properly and having to say it again and I really fucked up once by forgetting to stop putting on a voice... so I'm using that same voice for the narration, and it sounds like failure.

Anyway, that's the only warning you'll get. Listen at your own peril.

I hope you like it.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1xTGxzhqcvy

I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now, and it's been really difficult for me to handle, in places. But my friends have been here for me through it all - it's literally too much to write about, to recount all of the ways my real life and Codex friends have helped me, put up with me, or even have just let me vent and/or felt for me - and I am eternally thankful, and love them for it.

In particular, one of my friends, Tom, drew something for me, and when he gave it to me, I just couldn't speak, or do anything except completely break down crying (in public too) and just hug him. Even if it wasn't an amazing drawing, it'd still be such a beautiful gesture. (Warning, it's pretty huge.)



I'm gonna frame that; I love it.

And I can't help but be reminded of the song Friends Will Be Friends right now:



Anyway, I just wanted to share that story and stuff with you all.

So, yeah. Friends are great.

Let me start this entry off by telling you all about my, ahem, 'friend' Henry.

Henry is a blonde, sporty guy who works hard, and can be a nice person sometimes, when he's not alienating everybody by being an asshole to them. I've tried to like this guy, and I have done - I didn't see why everyone else disliked him - until we were having an argument about binary/different bases, and he was a real jerk, trying to tell me, quite rudely, I'm wrong... me, the guy who knows 3 programming languages. (i.e. I know my shit, he doesn't.)

Yeah, okay Henry. Whatever you say man.

And there was a time when I was gaily skipping past him in the corridor, on the way to a Further Maths lesson, and I said something like "C'mon Henry, let's get to Maths! ", and I got an extremely condescending reply, which went something like "alright Russell, go on then". I CLOWN AROUND TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY, NOT TO GET A RESPONSE LIKE THAT.

Anyway, I guess the point is that Henry is a complete jag-off, and has few friends. I don't have the energy to hate/dislike him, I can't do that for anyone, but I'm aware that he can be a douchebag.

Henry is also a biker, which is where the glove comes in:


This is also where we meet another one my 'friends' - most people, myself included, call him Gandy - who is also an asshole, but also somewhat charming and fun to be with, most days. He is the most charming, childish asshole you'll ever meet.

Anyway, he managed to slip that glove inside my bass guitar bag on the last day of school... which means that Henry had to go with a glove for about 6 weeks, I mean, he had another, older, pair he could use, and I've tried to be straight up with him about it, telling him it's not my fault - or, at least, not my immediate fault - but I can quite easily tell he hates me for it.

Now, not only does that show off how spiteful Gandy can be towards people he doesn't like, but it also give Henry a rather raw deal, and Gandy gets off pretty much scot free from any kind of comeuppance. And when I talked to Gandy about it, he said he wasn't going to admit it, and told me, to my face, that it's all my fault, and he'll vehemently deny doing it. The sheer fucking audacity of that statement make my blood boil.

So, the point of the story is that Henry's an asshole, Gandy is an asshole - in fact, hardly anybody I know, especially the guys I know, has any kind of degree of emotional maturity and compassion, for that matter - so, fuck everyone. Peace out.

(Okay, so, that was a melodramatic conclusion, but people have the capacity to be huge arseholes. Sometimes. Most times they're good people. :3 )

WARNING - The following story gets awkwardly emotional in places.


So, last night, I had a dream. Pretty typical occurrence, but this was one of those dreams where you legitimately feel disappointed when you wake up.

I can't remember much, but I remember it was me and this girl, about my age, in a hut/room, on our own. I can't remember what we were doing... I think we kissed once? Maybe danced? I think she sat on my lap as well?

Never mind - point is, she was perfect. She was a straight and medium length haired brunette, she had a red dress on, freckles, and damn, the cutest damn face I've ever seen. I remember that she gave me a really coy smile at one point, and that was one of the high points of the dream. That turned me on so damn much. She had a great figure as well - looking from the side, nothing really stuck out much, but it didn't need to. She also had a fringe which hung down to about eyebrow level. In general, she was just plain gorgeous.

I genuinely loved this girl for likely all of a few real-life minutes (I have no idea how sleep cycles work), yet, it felt like we had been together for so long in the dream.

When I woke up - boom. Gone. Just like that. As soon as I did wake up, I was seriously disappointed, upset, and honestly, a bit depressed. I've never had something like that in real life... which, considering my age, is fair goes. I've still got time. It's just hard not to think about it and start daydreaming about her. ;_;

But... it happens once every few months, so, I have another chance. I imagine it'll be fine tomorrow - I'll go back to having dreams about running from random stuff or whatever I usually have dreams about. I think I got repeatedly punched in the face a few nights ago. It was trippy.


I wish I could still lucid dream. Miss you forever babe. ;_;


Anyone else get dreams like that often/recently? You feel these feels?

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

No, although my second middle name, Anthony, was from my maternal grandfather.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Listening to Dream Theater

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I like it, although it is quite messy.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Nope, but I'd like to, purely to feed them misinformation.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
It's very probable that I would be, yes.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Not a lot, no.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yarp.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No thanks, I cannot stand heights.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Either Frosted Shreddies, or Honey Nut Loops/a Honey Nut Loops and Coco Pops fusion.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
It depends - if they're Converse, yes, otherwise, no.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Yes, somewhat.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Discounting Ben and Jerry's, Mint Choc Chip.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their hair.

15. RED OR PINK?
Uhhhh... red.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
The fact that women cannot like me as any more than a friend.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
An old friend of mine, Nayla.

18. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON?
Hell. No.

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
N/A (I'm not wearing)

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Breaded chicken breast.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Parallels, by Yes.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Mildly deep purple.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Petrichor.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
A bandmate.

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Mountain hideaway. Eff yo' beach house.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football..

27. HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown - in the sun at least.

28. EYE COLOR?
Brown.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, nor glasses.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
"Large chips and a battered jumbo."

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings, please.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Coming to America

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
White

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Seeing as I can't choose spring, winter.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Kisses from a lover, hugs from everyone else.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Chocolate fudge cake.

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Oh God... the decision...
Running -> strength training -> cycling -> other cardio
38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
Computer, definitely.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
La vida es sueno, (Life Is A Dream), a play by Pedro Calderon de la Barca.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Exam revision notes - it's a mouse pad you can write on.

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
My bass guitar.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Rolling Stones.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
1200 miles.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Playing bass guitar (and to a lesser extent, acoustic guitar).

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Poole, UK.

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Verwood, UK.

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?

Mostly bricks, but it is partly blue.
49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
I won't be driving for a few months yet... ;_;

50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?
Yeah, it's pretty copacetic.