I miss women...

She's the reason why I went to Paris to further my training. I had hopes of finding her and apologizing. But, that never happened....I wonder is she's married now and if she even thinks of me.

www.facebook.com

@Galadriel, seems like the obvious answer. Technology doesn't answer everything, especially if someone might not want to be found in the first place.

Do you have kids? Are you really attracted to men? You don't have to put yourself through this.

I have had similar experience. I have been with my gf for a year now. It's gotten serious. She is also asian/has a strict family and is in the closet. We're working it out together.

Yes, I have one child with my Husband. But, I always wanted kids even with my girlfriend. My Husband was also my first male experience and I still prefer women. I don't think its because he's not "good"....I just find women much more appealing. Also, the roles are different. I'm a top and not a bottom...so that causes issues as you can imagine. I often wish he was a woman. *sigh*...now, I just feel like I made my bed and now I have to lay in it. (-_-')

I understand what you mean. At first I was bisexual, but couldn't quite see myself with a man sexually. With women the power dynamic is so different, and more liberating I would say (so long as nobody is blatantly trying to act out a het relationship.) I've realized that I prefer women in every way.

If it's mostly a matter of sexual needs, and your husband agrees to it, what about seeing a lady on the side? If you think your husband wouldn't agree to it, I would go off and see another woman secretly. It's harmless enough.
 

You could also just wait until your kid is of age and be free to do your own thing.

@Jam, I like your thinking! =)

I tried the butch thing as a teen and that didn't work. I like being a hot chick, dating another hot chick (lipstick lesbian). After my heart was broken...I just didn't care. I tried to date guys, but had no interest unless they were pretty (the first sign). But, then I met my Husband and we got married pretty quick. I thought maybe I'm just bisexual. But, I was still checking out chicks pretty hard and he knew my dating history. I won't lie, I did enjoy the sexual parts at first...maybe because it was something new I never had before. But, that died pretty quick and I also couldn't see him naked, it grossed me out (Not that he isn't physically in great shape). I suppose that should have been a sign.

I tried to bring up the whole girlfriend thing and he shot me down pretty quickly. He's not the sharing sort of type. I thought about seeing someone on the side, but I don't want to risk things. Because the last thing I need is going through a divorce, he's a soldier and I'll be painted as some dyke that will grow up my daughter in a gay household. My odds are not good. I suppose, I just have to wait it out. v_v ....*sigh*

So, how are thing with you and the girlfriend? Do you think she will come out?

You are clearly unhappy...Why live a lie and be constantly unhappy than be who you really are? The latter may be tough but at least you will be true to yourself? And what is wrong with your daughter growing up with two moms? A child growing up with two parents of the same gender is a child who will probably have a better understanding of the fact that it is ok to be different- you will be doing your child a service really.

And as a child do you not think they would prefer for their parent to be happy?

Sure, it may be circumstantial, but stop choosing to be weak because it is the easier way out. That benefits nobody.

I guess that's the price one has to pay for having kids. Less freedom.

Is your husband korean? I know how homophobic it is over in korea. Having a child grow up with lesbian parents would be social suicide. My good friend just went back to seoul to visit the parents and she's also bi. 

Things with my gf are going amazingly. I should really stop calling her that (out of habit), because we're actually recently engaged. I'm sure her family suspected that we're together, but they're in denial about it. We're in the middle of trying to decide where to settle down. Within the next year or so, my fiancee will have to reveal the truth to her parents, because she's her mother's favourite and can't hide from her forever.

You are clearly unhappy...Why live a lie and be constantly unhappy than be who you really are? The latter may be tough but at least you will be true to yourself? And what is wrong with your daughter growing up with two moms? A child growing up with two parents of the same gender is a child who will probably have a better understanding of the fact that it is ok to be different- you will be doing your child a service really.

 

And as a child do you not think they would prefer for their parent to be happy?

 

Sure, it may be circumstantial, but stop choosing to be weak because it is the easier way out. That benefits nobody

I think its safe to say you're not a parent. I'm anything but a weak person.

But, as a parent you must make sacrifices and that is something only a parent who has children can truly understand (even if it means happiness). To the courts I would be a gay female, with no steady work (because I had to give up my job to move) and become a glorified housewife. I'd be going up against a an officer in the Army (who is all decked out in medals and recommendations) and has a Father who also sits on board meetings for home-security. My husband tried to be like bloody Captain America in the work place. I'm also not American, I'm a foreigner (and because we got married so fast, could be seen as trying to get a green-card). I would be labeled as a sexual deviant, who tricked her Husband into marriage etc. He told me, if I left - he'd make it his duty that I have zero custody of my child. Do you understand how utterly frightening that is? My odds are not very good in America courts. If it was Canada I wouldn't be scared at all. But, I have no home-field advantage. 

There is nothing wrong with my daughter growing up in the same sex home, except I'd have no daughter to raise because my Husband has full custody. Also, she is just a baby and cannot understand anything right now. There is no easy way out, just the path that is best for my daughter. EVEN if it means my happiness. That is just some of the sacrifice you endure as a parent and not being selfish. 

 

I guess that's the price one has to pay for having kids. Less freedom.

Is your husband korean? I know how homophobic it is over in korea. Having a child grow up with lesbian parents would be social suicide. My good friend just went back to seoul to visit the parents and she's also bi. 

Things with my gf are going amazingly. I should really stop calling her that (out of habit), because we're actually recently engaged. I'm sure her family suspected that we're together, but they're in denial about it. We're in the middle of trying to decide where to settle down. Within the next year or so, my fiancee will have to reveal the truth to her parents, because she's her mother's favourite and can't hide from her forever.

Yes, it definitely is unfortunately. My Husband is Eurasian. Yeah, its pretty homophobic and his Dad is 36+ years in the Army, Secret Forces retired - now has this comfy desk job in the government and connected out the ass. I already spoke to a lawyer, I'd get slaughtered in the US courts. *sigh* 

Congrats! This all must be exciting for you. Have you started to plan out the wedding already? =)

Yes, eventually she will have to say something to her parents. Are they born in Korea? I find the parents who grew up outside of Korea to be more open and understanding. Native Koreans are VERY stubborn and more traditional. The possibility of her being disowned at first is very high, the mother might come around though (especailly since she is the favorite), but the dad might take some more time. I really hope things work out. 

I'm so sorry you went through this experience, I'm here if you want to PM and chat at all.

I had experiences with women and enjoyed it but realized that I enjoy being in a relationship with a man more. I can't imagine not being able to be with the person I loved. At least you have a beautiful child out of your current relationship.

It's super brave of you to come out to your family, so, I commend you for that. I don't think my Father has any clue I've dated and been with women... if he did I think I would be disowned. Yikes.

Stay strong <3

@Padme, thank you so much for the support. *hugs* It's pretty hard to live like this...the things you do for your children. I miss my ex-girlfriend. I kick myself for what I did. I hope one day, I can at least apologize to her. I even still have the ring.