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Awkward Everyday Stuff

I am a gay pink furry in ffxiv

Posted by Keil, 20 October 2023 · 88 views

I have wasted your time and this is my truth. Remember my story.


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That is all.

Passive Aggressiveness at its finest

Posted by Keil, 04 January 2019 · 1697 views

Here's the last two solutions. I've come full circle. I've become the Sweeney whomst've used blogs to post answers.


Worth if it meant more people posting blogs.


Conundrum #2 - Answer: Angelpuss Smiley

  • Neoboard themed.
  • All the horizontal boxes were the English subforum names for the boards.
  • The "English only" was originally meant to be a reference to TNT shutting down every other language for neopets. I wasn't 100% sure on this case, but it worked out because there were only enough boxes for the English variants of the board names.
  • The hint referred to a warf. Check out the item description for said petpet.
  • Answer found here. Scroll all the way down.
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Conundrum #3 - Answer: Royal Potionary

  • It's a literal journey from the three outside maps of the medievally themed worlds. Subtlety is my forte.
  • The water tidbit means she can't travel over direct water.
  • I am proud of the last picture's drawing. It's my first drawn OC. I named him Mappy the Justice Feminist Krawk. Everyone loves him and he punches evil in the left tit.
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The neopets black market is a buyer's market

Posted by Keil, 30 November 2018 · 2619 views

Nothing in Neopets is worth spending hours on the game to achieve.
(with the exception of spotlights like lookup, art gallery, and the Neopian Times that carry real creative skills outside the game, but that is neither here nor there.)


There is no reason to spend 30+ hours within a quarter of the year in the Pound Chat bumping boards, faking politeness and friendships, and upgrading assets to higher tiers when you can buy your dream UC from a shady site with at most five hours of taxed income from a food service or retail job. I wholeheartedly disapprove buying from sites designed to primarily and illegally sell any form of Neopets intellectual property and seeing how their infrastructure works, but it's come to a point where I value people's time than money if it means them doing something better in their lives like being a cashier for Walmart or a Burlington Coat Factory. By then, they would have bought their dream UC pet and maybe a fixed rate anti-zombie insurance for the inevitable apocalypse caused by the US's poorly deregulated agricultural industry.


I know for Codex, you can probably buy a Hidden Tower weapon for at most a muffin that isn't toasted enough and a coffee that never gives you the kick that you need to stay awake on your bed browsing the internet. Probably even cheaper.


So go buy shit you couldn't buy as a child being covertly and unconsciously fed the pedagogy of Scientology and work your miserable adult lives.


This blog post was supported by my gracious patrons back at Patreon and I would like to give a shoutout to UnicornSoulX for bumping out the last of Sweeney's blog from relevancy.


Thank you and quirky trademark closing tag wrap up here.

Slowly bumping Sweeney's puzzle blogs out of relevancy

Posted by Keil, 13 October 2018 · 1361 views

Due to popular demand, as in mildly requested by Neoquest, here are pics of my rabbit.


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Meet the former Penelope Ostengarde of Poppy Starcluster, currently dubbed myself as POOPS. The title former is due to the fact that at 11 months old, it has been confirmed that a "female rabbit" I received had a penis all along and it took some time to grow and an unfortunate humping episode when playing with other females to realize that fact. I am currently and passively thinking of a new acronym name for him using more masculine-like sounds. But in the end, POOPS is POOPS.


He is currently 13 months old and if in "bunny ball mode" he is a little more than a foot long, but if he is in his "sexy resting pose" as in the second pic, he is a little more than two feet.


Taking care of him is easy: change his cage every week, keep his water bowl filled daily and feed him fruits very sparingly. His main diet was alfalfa hay for the first 4-6 months and now his primary diet is timothy hay.


Just recently, he had a huge shedding episode because it's his major molt when going into the winter season. I bought an air purifier and wiped the grid often of hair.


I always leave the cage door open because he's potty trained. The only poop I find outside the cage are the pellets that he kicks out of the cage from darting too fast and stopping too sudden.


When he is outside the cage, he always finds the way to climb to newer heights. One day, I found him atop the roof of his cage because he found a path to jump.


Speaking of jumping, He can easily clear a two feet vertical jump. His cage is perched on a floor cabinet that is a little less than 3 feet off the ground. He uses the open drawer I padded with books to climb out of the floor and back up into his cage.


When I chase him, he always does the happy kick hop. Luckily he's more of a jumping bunny than a running bunny. After like 30 seconds, he stops in place so I can scoop him up.


When I'm dead on the floor, he gets near me and licks my face like a dog. Same goes when I put my face near the door of the cage, he gets up and stops within an inch of my nose and starts licking my face.


He's very one-track-minded. When I had romaine letter or a grape in hand, he dashes to the food and doesn't care if he's stepping in his own water bowl. That's why he's wet in the pictures. He literally stepped into his water bowl the moment he saw me walk in with romaine lettuce.


He doesn't care for being pet, but he'll stop and let you pet him. When I pet him, the session lasts normally 4 seconds before he runs to something more interesting like an open door or cramped spaces.


In the living room, he's in, I've "sealed" the annoying cramped spaces like the spaces behind couches with pillows. I only remove those pillows when there are guests worth impress.


POOPS is an exploratory bunny even though when I don't see him in the cage, he's usually in one of 5 spots in the house.


The only real difficult pet caring task I have to do besides cage cleaning is cutting his nails. I have to blindfold him and make sure he's held down by another person. I have to be super careful to not cut the red parts of the claws because then he'll bleed. I haven't done that yet so I have that going for me.


He's a Palomino rabbit


and he eats his own poop.

Sweeney's not the only one who can blog

Posted by Keil, 10 October 2018 · 984 views

A list of random thoughts

  • Feels good combo breaking Sweeney's blog chain.
  • Feels sad there hasn't been a new blog since Sweeney's last burst fo activity.
  • I've been lurking NeoCodex's Slack, but my life is so different and I can't even remotely relate to what the people are saying so much so I don't even post there.
  • I did want to chat initially, but then I realized, I'm so socially-internet-ly inept.
  • I promise I'm not like this in real life. When meeting new people, I don't give enough shit about first impressions.
  • Speaking of Slack, I'm mildly kicking myself for forgetting to Slack DM Pyro to increase the Program Manager Shop Pricer's maximum price range to 999,999 NP.
  • Now I'm too unmotivated to tell him now.
  • I want to just start random conversations with people here, but I just don't have much to say.
  • I'd rather just not send a "How are you" PM if it means that I'm only going to send those three words.
  • It'd probably mean a lot to the people I'm meaning to send PMs to if I did. I acknowledge that possibility, but I'm just burnt out in general.
  • Neopets is so boring. I'm just going through the motions, honestly. I've made 300 million in the last few weeks and I don't feel a shred of accomplishment.
  • No, I'm not going to use that NP to buy stamps because what's the fucking point if showing off stamp avatars have no value to me.
  • The only stamp avatar that I'm actually looking forward to is the Other III album because I got all the avatars on my own through the events without paying a single cent to those overzealous sellers.
  • Thank God for the free Grammarly google extension. I just cleared 11 errors.
  • The Valorous Suite swithing to browser own is a bigger hinderence to my neopets experience than my account being frozen.
  • I'm going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I have a solid book idea and have 13 pages of meaning planning.
  • I used a screenwriting book to plan my novel. It's called John Truby's The Anatomy of Story.
  • I teetered between italicizing the book title because I've been academically ingrained to do that.
  • I'm so hyped for my book idea. It actually feels like a real story with character development and meaning.
  • I want to share my book idea to someone, but I'm apprehensive not because someone will steal my idea, but because someone will not appreciate the work I put into it. The worst thing that could happen is that they download the file to their computer, but they never read it.
  • Hey Pyro, increase the maximum price limit to 999,999. Don't make me harass you in Slack with words of encouragement and feelings of accountability.
  • NaNoWriMo's word count goal is 50K words. My novel plan is 5K words. That means 1600 words per day. It took 6 days of procrastinating to complete my plan. So by math and considering my inclinations to obstruct my productivity, I would complete the NaNoWriMo goal in TWO months instead of ONE.
  • Damn, that means I have to focus.
  • Dappervolk is closing its beta. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay is that they said they'll close the server until the grand opening. The grand opening has not ETA and I have trust issues. This will not end well for me.
  • I was tempted to lie about my life. I deleted the line and wrote this one instead.
  • I wanted to lie because even though I have a full-time career and everything is going smoothly financially, I feel like I'm not a real human adult person yet.
  • I'm so broken as a person that I feel like I'm in an emotional cruise control when it comes to caring people when monetary gain isn't involved.
  • I've been invited to my classmate's daughter's quinceanera. I have no excuse to turn it down. It's on a day I'm free, the location is only a 15-minute drive using the freeway, and there's free food. I don't want to go because all I really can do is hold a 10-minute conversation with my classmate and sit awkwardly alone for the rest of the four hours. I know no one else there. At the same time, I don't want to disappoint her. My classmate, not the daughter.
  • I'm craving cancer candy.
  • Context: White Rabbit Creamy Candy had a cancer scare in the news. I still buy them whenever I go to the Korea store. I have no idea if the carcinogenic ingredients were removed from the formula and it scares me that I don't care.
  • Notice I said nothing negative or intimate about my own flaws as a person that I see as weakness and not a quirky plus to my plucky, absurdest personality.
  • Duck Tales Woo-oo!
  • My Amazon Prime ends in two days. Even though I have no justifications keeping it for another month (I bought Prime because I bought over $300 worth of stuff for my house and the S&H was more than Prime itself). I'm just said that with losing Amazon Prime, I lose a piece of my control in the world, even if that control is a false perception of me sticking it to the man when in reality, it's just Amazon tempting me to buy shit I don't need.
  • I bought a new rabbit cage, an air purifier because he's shedding, phone case, phone charm, a book (the one I mentioned earlier), and an Amazon-brand mouse.
  • The mouse is fine, but the wheel scroll is glitchy. It doesn't pick up my scrolls when I check the same four sites over and over for updates.
  • I can post a picture of my rabbit, but only if someone asks.
  • The rabbit's name is Poppy, he's a Palomino rabbit who we thought was a female until a month ago when he tried to hump the head of a female rabbit. It was a year since we got him.
  • Goddamnit, my rabbit had a 50/50 chance to stick it in the right side and he fucked that up.
  • Pyro, increase the price limit to 999,999 NP.
  • Please.

2017 According To the Hunger Game's Distant Uncle That No One Talks About

Posted by Keil, 09 March 2017 · 1292 views

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This is from the 1989 movie "The Running Man" with a tight Arnold Schwarzenegger in an equally tight yellow jumpsuit. A good cheese film so much so the lactose intolerant would enjoy it.


In a dystopian society, Schwarzenegger's character gets framed for mass murder through the same television techniques that makes the GOP Health Overhaul Plan, a comedy sitcom for people who actually still watch TV. As "punishment" for his crimes, he is forced to play the #1 rated show "The Running Man" where he must run to the finish line before being killed. Along the way, he chokes am energetic Asian dude who just wants to play hockey and chainsaws a Hulk Hogan impersonator in the dick. I assure you, this is not a porno, unless a predictable slew of bad puns is your fetish.


Bush did not do 9/11...





How do you respond to this:

Posted by Keil, 06 January 2017 · 1166 views

"You remind me of my best friend who killed themselves."


Seriously, how?

a succinct metaphor for inescapable emptiness

Posted by Keil, 10 November 2016 · 1581 views

That was an edgy title, right? Good shit, I just thought of it right now. I know how most of you function. It's edgy or nothing for the lot of y'all bottomless holes for entertainment and good self-esteem.


As many of you've probably figured out, the reason why I asked such weird questions is because I face similar situations in my real life and want advice from people who know nothing. There is always that one of of three questions in the AMAs I've asked that I've faced personally and am struggling at the moment. It's a more interactive way and engaging way to get people to do the things I want (in this case, tell me an honest answer without getting too big for one's britches) without other people quickly seeing a selfish ulterior motive, from the way I seem to comically frame them. So now I want advice on something, but this time I'll provide context. At least enough context to work off from.




I think I've fallen in love. Not like "spread my legs and roll out a red carpet from out of my pussy 'cause you look doable", but actual romantic love. Like "you make me not worry about the future and if you surprise hug me from behind, I won't judo flip your ass" type of love. It reached the level where I wouldn't mind filling out their name on my tax forms under spouse. Yes, I know. It's deep.


The person in question is in my graduating class and we've been hitting it off since we both entered school... as best friends. I'm just super comfortable where we are. I know there is no love interest in the other party so I have a chance. My issue is whether or not to ask them out because we'll be graduating in the spring and we've both secured jobs in different states. And let me tell you, I wouldn't turn down this job opportunity for a relationship that may or may not fly off.


My question is: should I still ask them out?


I know what you're thinking: why didn't I make a thread asking for advice? Simple. Blogs aren't bumped into oblivion as quickly as new threads. And why did I use "they" instead of "he" or "she"? To that I say, get on the program, dude. It's 2016 and gender pronouns are the new masculine pink shirts. And to the very few of you that kinda know me better asking me: why are you asking us for advice when you went to school for this shit to answer other people's problems. And the answer is: fuck you. Get your head stuck in Trump's wall.

Admit it: You're dumb and lazy.

Posted by Keil, 27 May 2016 · 1404 views

Brace yourself. This is yet another of my trademark puzzles. There's no prize for this one, but at the same time, I will never confirm if your answer is correct. However, if you need the answer with haphazard diagrams and minimum explanations poorly demonstrating the logic, I'll sell you the answer for 50 USD through paypal. I am not shitting you. I want money for smokes.








The Villa with 14 Doors


A sadistic, self-loathing, and openly misanthropic prick named Kelvin finds an old abandoned villa. It’s not dilapidated nor show any sense of collapsing, but it reminds Kelvin of those haunted houses where horny teenagers have sex and imagine serial killers chopping them up for the sexual thrill. Suspicious of the place, he walks around it to take note of any peculiarities (you know, to see if it was just another thieve's hideout, underground drug lab or worse--horny teenagers procreating. Did I mention he hates teenagers and believes they should never reproduce their stupid?). After circling around the perimeter and peeking through the windows, he learned three things about the place:

  • The villa is completely empty, or at least it appears that way after peaking through the windows.
  • Excluding the surrounded courtyards and gardens, the villa building itself is in the shape of a one story cube.
  • There are 3 windows, one on each side of the walls with the exception of the fourth side having the entrance-way which has the only door leading inward or outward. The windows are always in the center of the wall.
It looks like it is going to rain so he decides to go in for shelter. Upon entering, he finds a plaque on the wall and two numbered doors. The plaque says two odd statements:
  • In any given room, two or more numbered doors leading in/out of that room will never lead to the same room.
  • There will always be a door between two rooms if they share the same wall.
As of right now, he sees the door “1” and “2”.


He enters door “1” and sees doors “3”, “4”, and “6”. He also sees a window. He checks himself out in the reflection in the glass. He may be self-loathing, but he’s also narcissistic.


He goes back to the entrance-way and this time enters door “2” this time. He sees the doors “3”, “8”, and “12” but this time, no window. Is his mind playing tricks with him?


He returns to the entrance-way (because he was confused as fuck) and sees something whittled into the walls below the plaque. Someone in the past also trespassed into the abandoned villa and explored the place. It says ‘’there are 14 doors in total and all the rooms with a window has all of its doors add up to a multiple of 14. Cool!”.


To check this statement, he goes through the “2” door, then takes the “8” door and finds two additional doors marked “9” and “11”. He’s relieved that he finds a window this time. He checks himself out again.


Bored and unamused as fuck (there’s only so much time Kelvin can waste checking out his own reflection), the prick keeps opening doors and finds the villa completely empty with the except of spiders, dust, and display cases of whatever. It’s not worth looting and carrying all the way city so he can pawn them for smokes.


He is getting bored of the place, but at least he can leave once the rain passes. While waiting, he explores the house and finds out that assuming that light passing through windows can illuminate the entire room, no light can pass through the roof and if all the doors are shut tightly, then there are several doors that never see the light of day.




If you add up the numbers on these specific doors, what would be the sum of all the “lightless” doors?

Bonus question:


Assuming that all the doors of the villa are closed, what is the minimum number of doors needed to be opened to access every room?

"A love story" by Kelvin

Posted by Keil, 17 May 2016 · 1187 views

They both fell silent, blinking.


It took a second for Jamie to process that Taylor was underneath him after the sudden fall. To retain as much dignity as possible, he sprung upward, but Jamie felt belted down by two slender arms.


"Where's the rush?" Taylor's tongue smoothly flitted along two rosy lips.


Jamie felt a chill. Something bad would happen if no action was taken. He struggled to think of an excuse to get out or at least a clean getaway that would not harm the person underneath him.


Taylor saw a square silhouette outlined in the pocket of Jamie's windbreaker shorts.


"Oh," said Taylor with a sensual groan that trailed on for a second. "You planned this, didn't you? This was no accident. If you wanted some, all you had to do was ask."


Taylor closed both eyes and the hand that previously held down Jamie's shoulder was now running down the side, towards the hips, and now into his pocket. Jamie shivered and gritted his teeth during the entire journey.


"The fuck?" Taylor shoved Jamie off and crawled backwards to retreat. The once relaxed face twisted and winkled at the sight of something slimy and white on the tips of the fingers.


Jamie smiled. He scooped all of it out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth.


"It's ravioli. It has lobster inside."

May 2024

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