Grunge Kookin' with Keil

This was during a very dark time during the fall semester last year.

 

I ate nothing but Cheesy Jacket Potatoes for 2 weeks. Woo. #College #American Debt #Ispentmyfoodmoneytogotothreeconferences

 

All you need are the following and a microwave:

• 10lb Russet/Idaho Potatoes ($1.50~2.00 per 5lb bag)
• A block of Cheddar Cheese (~$2.00) You can use single slices. They're pretty cheap in bunches
• Stuff in your fridge that never goes away.

Pictures are high bandwidth.

 

 

Step 1:
Wash the Potatoes. Don't bother washing them too hard because eating carcinogens is nearly impossible unless you're rich enough to buy organic. Then, good for you and your wholesome foods lifestyle.

 

Step 2:
Prick the potatoes all over. This is to prevent a starchy explosion in your microwave. I usually do 20 pricks per potato or until the point I stop bother counting. I imagine my enemy's face on the spud and you can guess how it goes from there.

 

Step 3:
Put on a plate and microwave for 3 minutes. My microwave is so goddamn oily, it's embarrassing.

 

Step 4:
Flip Potatoes over and reheat for 2 more minutes. Use a wet napkin to flip if you don't want to get burnt. If you want to grow hairs on your chest, go bare handed.

 

Step 5:
Take them out of the microwave and cut a slit running down the front. Make sure you don't tear the skin facing downward, but at least make sure you make the cut deep. Add your cheese to the cut. Heat for 1 minute. I screwed up the potato below the fork. Don't repeat my mistake by cutting too far. This means that the melted cheese will flow onto the plate.

 

Step 6:
Add extras to the potato like garnish or any of that fancy crap. I'm poor so I used salsa that was in my fridge since last fall. Back then, I used anything that didn't disappear in the fridge like Mayo, Soy Sauce and Duck Sauce Packets, or BBQ sauce. I experimented and anything tasted amazing with the spice of hunger and desperation. My all time favorite topper is Salsa.

 

Until next time, stay salmonella free.

I wasn't kidding. I was financially unfortunate at this time. Don't be fooled by the nice table and plate. The rental apartment came furnished.

 

Go Here.

Welcome to Grunge Kookin' with Keil, where you can make delectable deserts and dishes for low prices (if you manage to avoid tetanus and food poisoning along the way, that's a plus!).

****IMPORTANT: If you have low bandwidth, avoid opening the spoilers.

The title is a fancy gourmet name for the crap I'm telling you to cook. It's not that impressive, trust me.

This recipe serves 24 people (or all for yourself and you get fat. I don't really care).

This recipe is meant for an audience with a sweet tooth.
Cooking Time: 30 minutes
Cooling Time: 4 hours for Part I and Part II
Total Time: 8 Hours 30 minutes

Tools:

• Medium sized sauce pan or basically a pot that doesn't take all four stove tops.
• Some sort of stirrer with holes for ore thorough mixing, if possible.
• Stove because fire/heat is kinda important.
• 1 cup measuring cup. Eyeball it if you dare.
• Handheld strainer or something that will filter nearly a gallon of liquid. Very crucial for a uniform panna cotta.
• I guess a fridge is nice if you don't want to use the cold outdoors. I have piling electric bills so I don't get the option.
• A 24" casserole dish, cake pan, or a bunch of metal pans. This recipe most likely will go over a 24" casserole dish depending how deep it is. Get some smaller pans just in case.

Ingredients:

• 9 to 12 boxes of 1.4oz (40g) Royal Gelatin (you can use other brands, but use math when estimating amounts. 9 boxes is recommended for a beginner) [$3-$4]
• 2* small cans of fat free Sweetened Condensed Milk. [$1.85 each]
• 1/2 Pint of Heavy Whipping Cream (picture shows full pint) [pint is $2.11]
• Knox Unflavored Gelatin 4 pack [$1.74]

TOTAL: $8.70-$11.55 plus tax
*If you are less of a sweet tooth, I recommend only 1 can of sweetened condense milk for those better-than-slobs type of taste. Actually, if this is your first time trying this recipe, start off with one and see where your taste levels are.

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Part I: Preparing the Flavored Gelatin

1. Bring stove to high heat. I have settings of 1-10 for heat so I use 8.
2. Get your rusty, crud-lined pot and pour 1 cup of questionable clean water and let it boil.
3. Add 1 pack of gelatin mix, stir until boil
4. Add another cup of water and then add another pack of gelatin mix soon after. Stir until boiling.
5. Repeat Step 4 for the third cup of water and gelatin mix.
6. Add 1.5 more cups of water and stir until contents are clear and slightly bubbling.
ALTERNATIVE: Skip steps 3 to 6 and follow the instructions on the box as long as 3/4 of the recommended water is used.

6. Pour contents into some freezable container that can hold more than 4 cups of water. Small pans can work. Cling wrap or put tops on them. Make sure you allow some space for air to travel so that when the gelatin freeze, the vacuum doesn't ruin your tupper or glassware.
7. Chill in a refrigerator or the great outdoors for 4-5 hours until firm. There is too much fucking snow in the Northeast of USA. I stopped caring about classiness eons ago.
8. Repeat steps 3 to 7 for a different flavor. I suggest 3 batches in total of flavored gelatin. I used cherry, orange, and lime.


Grunge Chef Notes:
- My friend's kitchen is a fucking oily mess. I don't know what the white gunk is on the edge of the pot. Probably cocaine. That wouldn't surprise me. I hope you have clean cookware and stations.
- I like my Gelatin firm. So I use 1.5 cups of water per 1.5oz (40g) of gelatin mix.
-Constantly stir when putting any time of mixture into the pot or else you'll get something like the picture below. It's not problem, just keep stirring.
-Be careful of strawberry/cherry gelatin. They are the hellspawn of gelatin. Make sure you constantly stir and prevent overbubbling. They also stain everything in site that is not metal.
-If you get gelatin stains on your counters, sprinkle some baking soda on the stain then add some water to it. Wait a few minutes, then wipe away.

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Part II: The Panna Cotta

Start Part II only when the flavored gelatin are all firm.

1. In the closest thing of sauce pot you can find, heat two cups of water to a strong boil.
2. SLOWLY sprinkle one Knox packet into the pot. It is very important that you stir each sprinkling until dissolved before adding more Knox powder. This is the part when you have to force yourself to care about something for the first time in your life. Any undissolved clusters will remain as sticky hot flubber that will be difficult to remove later.
3. Keep stirring as you add in the remaining 3 packets into the water and add 1 more cup of water to fully dissolve everything if needed.
4. When you dissolved as much Knox as possible, get your hand strainer of some sort and pour the entire mixture into a clean mixing bowl with the strainer filtering the undissolved contents.
5. Mix the heavy whipping cream and the can of sweetened condensed milk into the bowl and constantly mix until uniform.
6. Plastic wrap the bowl and place somewhere safely in the kitchen for at most 20 minutes.
7. Get your flavored gelatin and begin cutting them into 1"x1" to 2"x2" shapes. If the cut outs are too thin, they'll dissolve into the panna cotta. If they are too thick, they'll weaken the integrity of the dish.
8. Sort them artistically throughout the casserole dish or multiple pans. if art isn't your style, be like me and throw random colored gelatin in random spaces and pray it looks good in the end. Making a true mosaic picture is too much a bother. Ain't nobody got time for that/
9. Check the Knox-milk-cream mixture to see if it's room temperature or lower and stir. If the If not, add a few cubes of ice and stir. You need the knox-milk-cream mixture to be room temperature or colder or else they'll melt the colored gelatin upon contact. Then using the hand strainer, pour the mixture evenly into the pans/dish with the flavored gelatin.
10. Cool in refrigerator for 4 hours.
11. Optional: Garnish with sprigs of mint or do whatever you want to be fancy. It's junk food. It's not suppose to be fancy.
12. When firm, slice with butter knife and serve. If the dessert is sticking to the pan, sprinkle some water on the edges and jiggle it until loose. Drain the water afterwards. If you cut nicely with a butter knife, you get a clean cut like the side facing you. If you are a grunge like me who cuts with a fork, you get edges like the ones facing away.

Once you complete this recipe, people will be praising you for your culinary skills (or you end up sobbing into it alone, rethinking every life choice you made,but at least you have a nice dessert to comfort you).

Until next time, stay salmonella free.