88 replies to this topic

[Swar]

I'm reflecting my own indecisiveness on to his reasoning.

 

I just dunno why he got defensive.

Ah, okay.

 

Tbh, I almost answered your question, and it would be just like he did lol

[Goblinoid]

 

My reasoning for wanting 2-3 kids is a pretty odd one, and is as follows. My father is a deadbeat who never really took care of my sister and I. Sure he took us to the local pub on the weekend, got smashed, and drove with us in his truck...how lucky, right? There were also times where he'd take us to McDonalds for a quick meal...but other than that he was useless, and it's safe to say I wouldn't shed a tear if he were to die. All of that being said, firstly I'd want to be the father that I never had. I want to be there for my kids, to show them love, and instill proper discipline in them. Secondly, even though I have 48 cousins on my dad's side of the family, I'm the only male with my last name, so it's sort of up to me to continue the 'lineage'. Finally I've thought of adopting a child[ren], there's so many kids out there without a proper home, and who are put at a disadvantage by not having parents and sitting in the 'system'. No kid deserves to have a handicap in life.

 

I don't want kids personally, but this seems (to me) to be a perfectly valid reason for wanting kids. It just adds a strong incentive to be a good father, and that's a great bonus for the kids, imo. It's certainly a "better" reason than many other possibilities, such as wanting kids only because it's expected by your family etc. 

 

On that note, many other people who posted in this thread didn't elaborate on their reasons past a vague "I want them," so I can understand if Adam was confused by specifically being questioned. xD

Edited by Goblinoid, 15 May 2015 - 04:45 PM.

[Romy]

Just because I underlined a phrase in order to make it stick out in hopes that you might understand means I'm getting defensive? 

 

The amount of thin skin is over 9000.

I'm not getting defensive at all. I didn't make a point to get defensive about. 

 

I pointed out that I consider one of your reasons to want to have children as questionably valid and you got bothered by it.

I'm genuinely sorry if I offended you.

 

 

You were one of the only people to post WHY they wanted children. I didn't mean to nitpick, I just wanted to have a conversation about this.

 

 

 

Can anyone aside from adam tell me if I'm acting defensive...?

On that note, many other people who posted in this thread didn't elaborate on their reasons past a vague "I want them," so I can understand if Adam was confused by specifically being questioned. xD

Thank you.

[Adam]

I'm going back though my posts, and nowhere did I say you were getting defensive. All I said is that you're thin skinned.

 

I'm not trying to derail your thread btw.

[Romy]

I'm going back though my posts, and nowhere did I say you were getting defensive. All I said is that you're thin skinned.

 

I'm not trying to derail your thread btw.

Okay. How am I thin-skinned?

They pretty much go hand in hand.

 

I didn't get angry or bothered at all at your objection. 

[Karla]

Honestly, I do not want to have kids because, 1.) I can hardly take care of myself.  I would be bad at taking care of children, 2.) I am mentally and financially not able to take care of children, and 3.) I'm not very patient with them.

 

Yet my mother begs me to have them. :|  I suppose the question you have to ask yourself is: "Am I able to make a lifetime commitment to another human being?"

[Romy]

I suppose the question you have to ask yourself is: "Am I able to make a lifetime commitment to another human being?"

YES. This puts my sentiment into words perfectly.

I don't know if there is anything that can convince me to answer that question confidently.

[Inky]

Hate kids! Never going to have them. Already looking into getting my tubes tied within the next couple of years

Who the hell would WANT to forfeit all their money and time to a screaming, pooping snot-ball?

(Just kidding, to each their own, that's just how I've always seen them!)

[NapisaurusRex]

I don't mean to belittle your reasoning but...is that really a valid reason to have a kid?
It seems like it's more about making up for your bad childhood then actually raising a kid well.

 Yes, it's a perfectly valid reason to have a kid. Having children because you had a bad childhood means that you actually have a reason instead of getting drunkenstoned one night and making a baby you might resent or regret.

 

It's also better than my reason of wanting a tiny army of people who are astrologically compatible with me cause fuck if you can find astrological compatibility in a town of fewer than 1500 people.

[Swar]

Hate kids! Never going to have them. Already looking into getting my tubes tied within the next couple of years

Who the hell would WANT to forfeit all their money and time to a screaming, pooping snot-ball?

(Just kidding, to each their own, that's just how I've always seen them!)

Want a hug?

[NapisaurusRex]

And yeah, I have a couple, I want a couple few billion more. I always thought it'd be neat to be a foster parent.

[Inky]

Want a hug?

 

Hah! I promise I'm not as cold-hearted as that made me sound

I have a little brother and nephew and I love and treat both of them nicely, but man do I LOVE the ability to come home afterwards!

My problem usually is with bad parents anyways. Like the kind who let their kids run around restaurants or scream non-stop in public spaces. x__x

[Adam]

Hah! I promise I'm not as cold-hearted as that made me sound

That's what we all say

[Swar]

Hah! I promise I'm not as cold-hearted as that made me sound

I have a little brother and nephew and I love and treat both of them nicely, but man do I LOVE the ability to come home afterwards!

My problem usually is with bad parents anyways. Like the kind who let their kids run around restaurants or scream non-stop in public spaces. x__x

 

Hahaha you just sounded so angry

I guess I just really like kids because all the kids from my family are amazing. But I'm scared of not being able to educate my children correctly and turn him into one of those pieces of shit.

[Romy]

 Yes, it's a perfectly valid reason to have a kid. Having children because you had a bad childhood means that you actually have a reason instead of getting drunkenstoned one night and making a baby you might resent or regret.

 

It's also better than my reason of wanting a tiny army of people who are astrologically compatible with me cause fuck if you can find astrological compatibility in a town of fewer than 1500 people.

Thank you for answering

 

I dunno. I just feel like it's such a HUGE responsibility. It's an emotional weight (weight not burden) and I don't know if I can really wholeheartedly commit to another human being.

[Inky]

That's what we all say

 

 

Lol!

 

Hahaha you just sounded so angry

I guess I just really like kids because all the kids from my family are amazing. But I'm scared of not being able to educate my children correctly and turn him into one of those pieces of shit.

 

Hahaha. More just venting! I live in the Bible Belt and even though everyone close to me knows I'm a childfree atheist I get so much "you'll change your mind!" or "If it's in God's plan it's just gonna happen!"

Lady, that's what abortions are for. But you know, I try to be polite so I don't say those things. 

Edited by Inky, 15 May 2015 - 05:29 PM.

[NapisaurusRex]

Thank you for answering

 

I dunno. I just feel like it's such a HUGE responsibility. It's an emotional weight (weight not burden) and I don't know if I can really wholeheartedly commit to another human being.

You don't have to! merica!

[Swar]

Hahaha. More just venting! I live in the Bible Belt and even though everyone close to me knows I'm a childfree atheist I get so much "you'll change your mind!" or "If it's in God's plan it's just gonna happen!"

Lady, that's what abortions are for. But you know, I try to be polite so I don't say those things. 

Ugh, I can only imagine how it must be like. People can't accept others' choices.

Hahaha that would be hilarious, it would definitely leave them speechless xD

 

 

 

One of the reasons I want a kid is to share my eyes' genes. It would be jealous to keep them to me only. jk

[cara]

I think if I continue on to be a lawyer I'll end up never having kids. If I don't then I'd probably adopt a fat little munchkin.

 

The way I feel about it is pretty simple. I don't feel like having children is something I need to do to feel either accomplished or fullfilled in my life (and I feel rather sad for women who feel that way). Having children would, under the right circumstances, bring additional happiness to my life and in turn give a good upbringing and childhood to another living thing.

 

And as to why I would adopt .. well I work in child protection (removal of children) for the government so .. I see the overwhelming abundance of children in need of good homes and caregivers. God bless you people who are open to the adoption route of parenthood.

[Bone]

I was too drunk for this post.

Edited by Bone, 16 May 2015 - 05:09 AM.

[Swar]

I'd like to have at least one adopted kid and one non-adopted(?) kid. Adopting in Brazil is a really complicated process, and even with A LOT of people wanting to adopt here, they don't change anything to make it easier. It's almost as if they didn't care about the kids

[cara]

I'd like to have at least one adopted kid and one non-adopted(?) kid. Adopting in Brazil is a really complicated process, and even with A LOT of people wanting to adopt here, they don't change anything to make it easier. It's almost as if they didn't care about the kids

 

My understanding is that it's really difficult for unmarried, single people to adopt in Canada. Totally don't agree with that either. 

[Emily]

I'd probably like to adopt too. Mostly because I don't know if I like the idea of being pregnant and there are plenty of kids who need good homes (no offense to people who like pregnancy or had kids that way, it's just my opinion). 

[Gnome]

Guess i am having a billion kiddos

[Nymh]

Before I had kids, I wanted 5 kids.  Now I have two kids and I wish I didn't have any.  I should have waited at least another 10 years before I had kids.

 

When I was in my early 20s I was with an abusive asshole and I had no life.  I wanted a bunch of kids.  I was lonely and alone and stuck at home and my life was meaningless.  Now, I am out of that situation and married to an amazing man that I would desperately love to be able to travel the world, go out with friends more, spend money on frivolous things, be less tied down geographically...  I don't have the freedom that I wish I had to be able to do everything I want to do with him and even just for myself.  I want to go back to school and get my optometry degree.  If I didn't have kids, I could just go.  But I can't.  And there are only a couple dozen optometry schools in the country, none of which are near the girls' dad, so it makes trade-offs with him much more difficult and time consuming.  I will have to uproot my family so that we can go live somewhere five hours away from the girls' dad (but still make the drive every other weekend for visitation) and live in poverty in the ghetto for four years while I'm in optometry school.

 

Even now, it's hard.  I see my kids just a couple hours a day.  From 6:00 to 7:00 or 8:00 AM, then from 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM when they go to bed.  Working as much as I do, and wanting the things I want out of life, it does not make sense for me to have had kids when I did.  I feel horrible about it.