286 replies to this topic

[Elle]

The same thing happens in offline relationships.

I swear it's like you guys have never been in a serious relationship.

It is cronus. I'm sure he'll get there one day.

[Boggart]

The same thing happens in offline relationships.

I swear it's like you guys have never been in a serious relationship.

I haven't. Just sex, drugs and rock hard cocks and roll.

[Sweeney]

You missed out "desperation".

[Galadriel]

The same thing happens in offline relationships.

I swear it's like you guys have never been in a serious relationship.

surely by spending time with someone in an offline relationship you get to see those sides? I don't see how it could be the same as an online relationship.

[Nymh]

surely by spending time with someone in an offline relationship you get to see those sides? I don't see how it could be the same as an online relationship.

People grow and change. Sometimes those changes don't line up.

You can't possibly see every side of a person in the beginnings of a relationship, or really in any finite amount of time, offline or online. If you waited until you knew everything about a person before making things official, you'd die before you did.

[Sweeney]

surely by spending time with someone in an offline relationship you get to see those sides? I don't see how it could be the same as an online relationship.

You don't get to see those sides unless they let you. Or until it becomes impossible to hide.

Relationship dynamics shift all the time in all kinds of relationships.

[Galadriel]

You can't possibly see every side of a person in the beginnings of a relationship, or really in any finite amount of time, offline or online. If you waited until you knew everything about a person before making things official, you'd die before you did.

Was expecting this.

Sure, you won't knwo every side of someone in either offline or online, but offline you would know a whole lot more in a whole lot less time.

[Sweeney]

offline you would know a whole lot more in a whole lot less time.

Not necessarily. Not, really, even likely.

[Galadriel]

Not necessarily. Not, really, even likely.

uhm...

[Sweeney]

uhm...

What do you think online relationships are usually based on in their early stages? As compared to offline relationships?

[luvsmyncis]

It really depends on the people. How honest and open they are, both online and offline. I have online friendships I find deeper and more meaningful than the friendships I have in my offline life. My online friends are less needy, and less nosy.

I don't see the point in trying to devalue the online relationships. Just because that person cannot touch you this minute, does not mean that person cannot care or comfort or love you.

[artificial]

uhm...

It's true. Perhaps even moreso offline. People will often initially show you a side of them they want you to see. It takes quite a long time to get to know who they really are.

It really depends on the people. How honest and open they are, both online and offline. I have online friendships I find deeper and more meaningful than the friendships I have in my offline life. My online friends are less needy, and less nosy.

I don't see the point in trying to devalue the online relationships. Just because that person cannot touch you this minute, does not mean that person cannot care or comfort or love you.

Marry me?

[Frizzle]

You don't get to see those sides unless they let you. Or until it becomes impossible to hide.

Relationship dynamics shift all the time in all kinds of relationships.

Rubbish. Offline relationships, in general, are a lot more intimate and closer due to physical contact. Whilst I understand some online relationships can work, and be successful, due to physical intimacy, sex and proximity, offline relationships will, again in general, be easier to maintain, stronger and closer than online relationships.

Maybe I'm over-exaggerating body language and close contact, or I'm just a horny dog, but for an online relationship to truly work, it will take a lot more work than an online one.

[Sweeney]

Rubbish. Offline relationships, in general, are a lot more intimate and closer due to physical contact. Whilst I understand some online relationships can work, and be successful, due to physical intimacy, sex and proximity, offline relationships will, again in general, be easier to maintain, stronger and closer than online relationships.

Maybe I'm over-exaggerating body language and close contact, or I'm just a horny dog, but for an online relationship to truly work, it will take a lot more work than an online one.

You are overemphasising physical contact. Lots of physical intimacy doesn't equate to a strong or deep emotional bond. Deciding to pursue a long-distance relationship relies almost entirely on a strong, deep emotional bond.

Physical intimacy makes it easier to pursue a relationship without that kind of connection, because you can ignore it and fill the gap by having a lot of sex. Shitty relationships are harder to have online, because that communication is -all- you have, you can't ignore it if it's not fulfilling.

[Frizzle]

Physical intimacy is almost paramount to a deep, emotional bond which has been proven in the animal kingdom and between humans. You cannot get on that level on intimacy or connection purely through speaking on forums or Facebook alone.

Plus when I turn up to my theoretical girlfriends house I can guarantee she's not a 46 year old balding fat bloke, unlike the internet.

[luvsmyncis]

I'm not marrying anyone.

Physical intimacy is almost paramount to a deep, emotional bond which has been proven in the animal kingdom and between humans. You cannot get on that level on intimacy or connection purely through speaking on forums or Facebook alone.

I always feel too much importance is placed on the sexual relationship. You can have a good relationship without sex if the emotional connection is strong. But you cannot have a good relationship if it's just sex and no emotions. I'm not saying sex isn't important, we see it everyday that people cheat or split up because their sexual desires are not being met. I just happen to think you can achieve that level of intimacy without having to stick your dick in someone.

LOL @ the theoretical girlfriend. Of course, things like that are less common now with Skype or Tinychat. You can see tits in action before you drive 500 miles to her house. You just won't see the disembodied human heads she keeps in a freezer in the basement until later, but that would have been the same if you'd have met her offline or not.

[Sweeney]

Physical intimacy is almost paramount to a deep, emotional bond which has been proven in the animal kingdom and between humans. You cannot get on that level on intimacy or connection purely through speaking on forums or Facebook alone.

Plus when I turn up to my theoretical girlfriends house I can guarantee she's not a 46 year old balding fat bloke, unlike the internet.

Nonsense. Physicality produces a short term, endorphin-based response that results in a short-lived bond. It's neither deep nor emotionally resonant.

I defy you to demonstrate that a connection based on communication is less solid than one based on sex. I doubt there are many people who have "one night discussions", but there are a lot of people who have one-night stands.

[artificial]

Nonsense. Physicality produces a short term, endorphin-based response that results in a short-lived bond. It's neither deep nor emotionally resonant.

I defy you to demonstrate that a connection based on communication is less solid than one based on sex. I doubt there are many people who have "one night discussions", but there are a lot of people who have one-night stands.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. I think what Frizzle is trying to say is that relationship with both communication and physical intimacy is generally going to outperform a relationship with just communication alone. I personally couldn't maintain an online relationship with someone I only vary occasionally meet up with. Physically proximity (not just sex) is important.

[onlyme]

i don't know what your peoples problem is. if an online relationship starts online and works out well, it becomes a rl relationship and then the couple goes through the same amazing and shit things, as any other rl relationship couple does, too.
it would all be problematic, if an online relationship would stay an online relationship forever but then i wouldn't even call it a 'real' relationship and wouldn't take it for real.

[artificial]

i don't know what your peoples problem is. if an online relationship starts online and works out well, it becomes a rl relationship and then the couple goes through the same amazing and shit things, as any other rl relationship couple does, too.

But see I think Sweeney is taking this discussion a bit too personally. Anybody can see their relationship has progressed to something more serious (she's moving to England to be with him). Although I personally would have reservations marrying someone with whom my correspondence with has been mainly online, if it works for them, go for it. If a relationship stays primarily online though, and you only see each every so often (3-6 months?), I think it's largely doomed to fail. You do need intimacy (again, not talking solely about sex) to build a strong relationship.

You hear all the time about how long distance relationships never work (even those with whom you've previously built a solid foundation). Obviously, there are going to be exceptions, which more or less renders the argument moot, because it gives Sweeney license to say whatever he pleases.

[Frizzle]

The two aren't mutually exclusive. I think what Frizzle is trying to say is that relationship with both communication and physical intimacy is generally going to outperform a relationship with just communication alone. I personally couldn't maintain an online relationship with someone I only vary occasionally meet up with. Physically proximity (not just sex) is important.

Pretty much, cheers for that.

Josephiena, you may well be (and most like are) one of the exceptions to the rule. I just hope I get invited to the reception.

[onlyme]

i can totally understand your concern. i am not a fan of online relationships. but that only is, because i am not a fan of relationships at all.
i am one of those really lucky persons, who got the chance to meet sweenymh in person. i was worried, that -since they are a pretty fresh couple- it might be awkward for me to be around them. they proofed me wrong. they didn't act much like a couple around each other, but more than old friends who know each other for a hundred years.
they have a dozen interestes they share, yet they are both really unique personalities. they get along superwell with each other and with the people around them. after spending two days with them, i - as a relationship enemy - can say, that they are meant for each other. if not them, then i don't know who.
i am pretty sure, they will have their rough patches sooner or later, since both of their lifes will change drastically. but like i said before, that happens to every couple, no matter how they met or how long they've been together.
i am not surprised by them taking this discussion personally, since i think a lot of people think of them while replying to this thread. i am pretty close to nymh for a while now and told her about the concerns i have, with online relationships, i am very critical there, too, you know? but after really meeting them in person, i can say, that they are awesome together. and now i am just super happy, that they met online, because they wouldn't have met if not here. and that would be a bummer, because they are awesome!

[Mishelle]

Honestly whenever I think of online couples I think of these 2

http://ourjourneytolove.tumblr.com/

[Galadriel]

Honestly whenever I think of online couples I think of these 2

http://ourjourneytolove.tumblr.com/

Me too. Also, this thread isn't about Sweeney and Nymh, so errbody taking it personally stop taking it personally asap

[Frizzle]

http://ourjourneytol...age/35293596998

Isn't that just a ginger version of Joe anyway?