30 replies to this topic

[Georgina]

Background:


Girl seeing a guy for about a week, getting on really well, said and shown that guy is really interested in girl so far, girl and guy talk for quite a few hours each day.

Event:

Guy and girl started talking online, guy says he will be back in 20 mins, girl waits for 2 hours, guy doesn't come back. Girl logs off and finds on guys facebook that he had been online all the time but just not talking to her, guy doesn't text anything all night not even to say goodbye or goodnight. Girl asks guy what happend the next day. Guy says he is really stressed and didn't "see" girl was on msn.

Outcome:

Does girl forget event and move on?
Does girl dump guy because he cant be that bothered not to think about her?
Does girl forgive this event but keep close eye on future events and if happens again dump?


(NOTES: this event may or may not be fictional and may or may not be about me or someone on the neocodex forums)


Opinions/votes please!!!

Edited by Georgina, 25 February 2010 - 07:35 AM.

[watashiwakaizoku]

It's a new relationship, so keep an open mind. Don't try to 'own' the guy, each one should still have their own lives.

Take it easy and slow, see what happens. Don't go all in yet, but don't go all out either. Wait a little more and see if things work out between the two. That's what I think.

[luvsmyncis]

Giiiiirrrl.
Dump him. What a shithead. It's just a sign of things to come.
Normally, I'd say, give it a chance- wait to see if it happens again. But it will happen again. It's happened to me. Save yourself the extra resentment.

[Philly]

Since they only know each other for a week I'd say it's pretty hard to take suggestions as 'dump him' already.

I wouldn't be too worried, personally. Everyone needs some alone time now and then, although not saying so is a bit lame. My girlfriend has done that to me and I got a bit worried, but she made it up to me later on!

In other words.. Forgive and forget  

[Joanna]

Um, I would say that if it happens again he might not be interested, and it might not be worth this girls time and heartache.
Give him another chance, it might have been a fluke.

[grania]

i guess i would say option 3 forgive but keep an eye on.

cause you never know maybe he did have a really rough day and just needed some time. did he appologize? or just say im really stressed.

i would be a little leary if he didnt appologize at all about it.

[Drakonid]

I miss contacts all the time.
Forget and forgive.

[outsidedream86]

Maybe he was tired of talking and just wanted some alone time, but is a little lacking in emotional intelligence and assumed that the girl would freak out and cry or pout like some young women are prone to doing. The biggest killers in relationships are drama and a lack of communication. If everyone quit playing stupid games and hashed things out like adults, everyone would be so much happier. The previous statement clearly may not apply to the issue at hand, but it's something I've noticed in general.

[Nearx]

The fact you said that girl and guy talk for hours /every/ day may be a sign.
Guys don't like to always be smothered and since this relationship is new, he may just want a break. Whether he took part in the convos or not, he could still want a small break.

I only see my bf maybe once or twice a week when I can readily see him every day. I find this A LOT better. Not only am I spending all my time obsessing over when I'm gonna see him next, he doesn't have to worry either and he's free to do his own thing when he wants and make his own plans. We talk on the phone every now and then.
I think this is a good way to go seeing we've been together for 3 years
When I do see him, we spend several hours together, holding each other and enjoying each other's company while it lasts. We used to be SOOOO clingy to each other 2 years ago or so, and it broke us apart a little. I got kinda sick of him being so clingy, started going to a different school not by my choice, then when I saw him again, I got clingy and I know he didn't like me being /that/ clingy. So I distanced myself a little to only see him every now and then. It works well.

Think of it this way:
If you don't talk to/see the guy for a while, your next meeting will be even better because you've wanted to see and talk to him all that time.
It may be a little different for everyone but this definately works for me. We're still young (me and my bf) so we don't need to worry about being together 24/7. Even married couples aren't with each other THAT much. They have several hours aparts and in some families, days and weeks for job trips and such. It's good to never let yourself get /too/ attached to a guy to the point where you freak out if he doesn't talk to you for a day. Just take it calm and day by day. If he decides he wants no more, fine. Let it be. Don't pester him. But there's a chance he just wants a break so I'd give it time and maybe talk to him bout it in a day or so to see what is really up if anything. If he says nothing is up and you guys go back to the way you were - don't pester him bout it less he acts suspicious. (When I say you and what not, I'm just meaning in general and not directly at you)

[AliceFi]

what the hell? it could be any reason (like an msn bug or so)
don't get so upset for such a small thing

[Georgina]

Thanks for everyones input Im sure the girl will make the correct decision

Edited by Georgina, 25 February 2010 - 03:03 PM.

[Jake2]

I have a better question:

Why was girl waiting for 2 hours for his return?

[Salamanda]

Is it official? Like, does the guy refer to her as his girlfriend?
If not, then the girl should give him another chance, I dont think this is a big deal as long as he doesnt blow her off when it comes to something important.
I mean, the girl shouldnt have waited that long for him to come back, an hour tops. Anything after that, I think, means she's already too attached and should distance herself because it is, afterall, a new relationship.

[Jake2]

Thanks Twink. I was going to type up something like you just did but couldn't' be fucked so now I can just be like "+1" and saves me typing up some big arse reply. xD

Thankyou.

[iargue]

Bah. I feel sorry for you people who say give him another chance.

You should never have to overlook something in a person your interested with. This is already turning out to be a relationship that your going to have alot of hurt in it. Just get out. Learn to wait, hell, you got plenty of years ahead of you. Err, that girl does, and she shouldnt ever have to "settle" for a guy that wont even fucking tell her the truth. If he needed time alone, saying "Hey, I need some time alone" is easy.

[Jake2]

iargue - read the thread about woman that jcr referred to last night. in there it talks about playing hard to get and not talking to them for a few days and it'll drive them crazy. this is exactly what its doing - the guide = win!

[luvsmyncis]

iargue - read the thread about woman that jcr referred to last night. in there it talks about playing hard to get and not talking to them for a few days and it'll drive them crazy. this is exactly what its doing - the guide = win!

There's a difference between 'making yourself less available' and 'telling someone you'd be back in 20 minutes, never coming back, and then making up lame excuses when confronted about it'. Nevermind he didn't even apologize for wasting her time. Yeah, that's a keeper. *thumbs up*

[chobitz]

Here's a sad fact you learn as you get older..

There is NO Mr Right, NO Mr Perfect..men are human. If you look for Mr Right or Mr Perfect you might never find the guy for you.

I don't mean settling. But being realistic.

The golden rule for me when I was dating was "would I allow my friend to treat me like this?". I realized I let men (and women) get away with a lot more than I would if they were just a friend. I didn't want to "upset" them or cause "drama" but if my friend did the same thing I would have freaked!

I ended up realizing also if I couldn't be friends with my lover then the relationship isn't worth it. I ended up marrying my best friend.

Personally I'm split on the 'girl's' situation. It seems a small slight in the whole scheme of things BUT the first few weeks should be have them both in caught up in the newness of it to make this kind of booboo..

But he could have a legit excuse, some kind of real life problem with a friend he was dealing with.

[watashiwakaizoku]

I'm going to agree with chobitz here. There's no Mr. Perfect. However, a relationship takes time to grow and in the process the girl's idea of a perfect guy may very well converge to someone the guy is. But this would never happen if the girl kills off any relationship after a few days/weeks just because the guy isn't 'perfect', yet.

So I'm sticking to my advice above, take it slow and easy, don't commit too much. If guy turns out to be the nice fella that girl likes, happy ending. Otherwise, take it as a fling and move on.

[iargue]

Your both idiots. There is a mr.right.

[jcrdude]

Your both idiots. There is a mr.right.

It's me.

[Philly]

Your both idiots. There is a mr.right.

Indeed.


The fact that you guys had bad luck does not mean that pure love without annoyance and fights does not exist. Me and my gf have been together for 5 years by now without a single fight or discussion, and extremely happy with eachother. We might get married soon. 

I don't think we'll ever break up or have an extreme fight over something. I just can't see it happened. I certainly am her mr. right.

[Georgina]

Wow reading the comments today made me laugh haha

Yeh i think the girls inital thought was fuck this shit, but she will give one more chance, a small chance, and if the guy is that much of a douch he will fuck up again so she will bin him.

To answer some questions: Girl was on msn for 2 hours anyway not just waiting for him, but talking to other people. Guy was also available on MSN during that time not even away. Girl loves space too but they had arranged to chat that night.

Anywho...yeh.... girl doesnt play games.

[Waser Lave]

To answer some questions: Girl was on msn for 2 hours anyway not just waiting for him, but talking to other people. Guy was also available on MSN during that time not even away. Girl loves space too but they had arranged to chat that night.

So did she actually try talking to him in those 2 hours or not? It would be a different situation if she'd attempted to talk to him and he'd just ignored her.