atomic

Guy: Doctor, Doctor! Last night I dreamed I wrote the lord of the rings!
Doctor: no, you were probably just TOLKEIN in your sleep.

A guy is at the store and he's tring to buy some dog foood, "I'd like to buy this dog food" he says "where's your dog?" asks the clerk. "At home" says the guy "Can't let you buy without seeing your dog, company policy" says the clerk.
Next day the guy comes back but wanting to buy cat food this time, but the clerk won't let him buy without seeing his cat, company policy
day after the the guy comes back with a potato sack "What's that" asks the clerk "feel it" says the guy, the clerk puts her hand in the sack "ooh, it's warm and squishy" says the clerk. "I'd like to buy some Toilet paper now." says the guy

a girl walks up to her kindergarten teacher and says "Hey, teacher, I found a frog outside!" the teacher asks "well, was the frog dead or alive?" "It was dead" says the girl "how did you know?" asks the teacher. "'cause I pised in his ear" "what?" asks the teacher. You know"responds the girl "I went down into his ear and said PSSST."