142 replies to this topic

[Sage]

From what you described as happening, he sexually assaulted you, and that IS a crime. If you felt violated when it happened, and you didn't want it to happen, then you did the right thing by telling someone who could do something about it. He deserves punishment, and you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Do not feel guilty about this person trying to take advantage of you and getting himself thrown to the wolves. It is HIS fault that this has happened, not yours.

After reading your first post again, I feel I should also point out that you're saying he was engaged to another girl? And he's groping somebody who isn't his fiancee? Never mind that that's cheating, you didn't even want him doing that, so he's doing TWO wrongs there.

The main reason that a lot of sexual assaults and rapes go unreported is because the victims don't want to have the entire thing made public and because they'll have to talk about it over and over again. And I don't blame anybody for hating that, it's terrible. But if you don't say anything, he would've gotten away with this, and who knows what he would have done to someone else, maybe even this other girl.

The worst thing in the world you can do right now is claim you made the whole thing up. For one thing, that makes you look like a total monster, and the guy's reputation will STILL be tarnished whether he's acquitted or not. For another, making false allegations is a crime in itself. If you didn't make it up, why put yourself in jail instead of this guy? If you really, truly believe he doesn't deserve to suffer as much as he will, then ask to speak with the prosecutor about leniency for him.

Edited by mremaknu, 12 January 2011 - 05:46 PM.

[Nunc]

You feel bad for him? Hardly. I think you feel bad about what's going to happen to you because everyone is going to find out that you told.

Basically you hadn't seen the guy for a month, he's 18, the moment he touches you anywhere you should be saying no. I don't see how he 'tried to get in your pants', 'bit your neck', and 'groped you everywhere' in a place where people traffic frequently without you saying no. I'm sorry, guy's aren't stupid sex fiends. If it was malicious, more would've happened. And the fact that you're not hurt or anything makes me feel like it was more mutual than you're letting it play out to be.

QFT; emphasis mine.

Really, most women these days are both too sensitive and too trigger-happy. So some guy poked you around a little bit. That's justification for complaining and calling in the authorities?

Edited by Nunc, 12 January 2011 - 05:40 PM.

[jcrdude]

So some guy poked you around a little bit. That's justification for complaining and calling in the authorities?

If she said no it is.

[Mr. Hobo]

Cara posting

I have to agree with everything Bryan is saying.

Also if it was so traumatizing, to the point where you told a teacher, how can you be okay with posting it on codex the same day? No disrespect intended.

But that being said i think every girl goes through a guy doing something like that. And i know how annoying it is when guys are being too touchy .. i'm only adding this in because i'd think some girls might actually get really offended and i can understand if that's what happened.

[Trichomes]

QFT; emphasis mine.

Really, most women these days are both too sensitive and too trigger-happy. So some guy poked you around a little bit. That's justification for complaining and calling in the authorities?

Would you shut the fuck up already?

Edit: However, I must admit that I'm having a hard time feeling sympathetic and am going to have to take Bryan's side based on what I've heard so far.

Edited by Trichomes, 12 January 2011 - 05:49 PM.

[jcrdude]

I'm going to back out of this thread because there is actually insufficient data to pass judgment from my own moral standpoint.

1. Did you say no? At what point? How many times?
2. If you said no, was it said in such a way that is was an obvious yes?

Damn moral ambiguity

[Sage]

I'm going to back out of this thread because there is actually insufficient data to pass judgment from my own moral standpoint.

1. Did you say no? At what point? How many times?
2. If you said no, was it said in such a way that is was an obvious yes?

Damn moral ambiguity

I don't want to sound like a hair-trigger asshole here, but "no" really does mean "no" and nothing else in the eyes of the law, no matter how the word sounds. The word 'no' only needs to be said once.

Also if it was so traumatizing, to the point where you told a teacher, how can you be okay with posting it on codex the same day? No disrespect intended.

There's a big difference between talking to people you know and who know you, and asking the internet if you should have done something different...

Edited by mremaknu, 12 January 2011 - 05:56 PM.

[Kido]

I don't really get why you'd tell your teacher in the first place. Wouldn't you tell your friends or even your parents first?

Personally I think this is a bit over dramatic. He tried to get into your pants yes but no one got hurt and is it really worth all this effort with court and statements and all that?

[Mr. Hobo]

Would you shut the fuck up already?

Cara greatly seconds this.

[Barophobia]

I'm getting influenced by Bryan's posts. Dammit.

Just a random question though: Was your friend high at that point of time? That would explain his actions alot.


Also, if the guy really liked you he wouldn't be 'trying to get in your pants' at the chance he got. I don't think any guy's stupid enough to jeopardize a relationship like that. So you might probably come off as easy to him. Sorry. (unless of course hes had repeated offends already)

[iargue]

Cara greatly seconds this.

Er. Your name is Mr. Hobo.


But I'll put my thirds on it.

[Trichomes]

Just a random question though: Was your friend high at that point of time? That would explain his actions alot.

How?!

[jcrdude]

I don't want to sound like a hair-trigger asshole here, but "no" really does mean "no" and nothing else in the eyes of the law, no matter how the word sounds. The word 'no' only needs to be said once.

From a strictly legal perspective, I would agree with you... but the nuances of human interaction don't exactly allow for a black and white interpretation.

There is a big difference between

*giggle* "noooooooooooooo"

and

"What the fuck are you doing? Fucking no!"

There have been plenty of times when no has been used to feign resistance where there actually is none.

[Barophobia]

How?!

Drugs and Sex?

Well, actually I don't know if its better or worse but he could plead to being under the influence of alcohol/drugs. Might lessen his sentence, or might make it worse. Anyone with a clear understanding of how the damn justice system works to clarify?

Edited by Barophobia, 12 January 2011 - 06:07 PM.

[Mr. Hobo]

Er. Your name is Mr. Hobo.


But I'll put my thirds on it.

This is Cara. I came on thinking people were on tinychat but nobody was so now i'm dicking on his account for a few mins until i get bored.

[Trichomes]

Drugs and Sex?

Well, actually I don't know if its better or worse but he could plead to being under the influence of alcohol/drugs. Might lessen his sentance, or might make it worse. Anyone with a clear understanding of how the damn justice system works to clarify?

Regardless of what impact having been under the influence might have on his legal status, you said, "That would explain his actions alot." I want to know what you meant by that.

[Barophobia]

Regardless of what impact having been under the influence might have on his legal status, you said, "That would explain his actions alot." I want to know what you meant by that.

I just did. Drugs and Sex.

[Sage]

Well, actually I don't know if its better or worse but he could plead to being under the influence of alcohol/drugs. Might lessen his sentance, or might make it worse. Anyone with a clear understanding of how the damn justice system works to clarify?

Being drunk doesn't excuse sexual assault, for the victim or the perpetrator. Being drunk has generally been considered (in various states, I don't know which offhand) to automatically remove a person's ability to consent, so a drunken woman/man, or a passed-out woman/man cannot legally be considered as having consented to sex. Same goes for minors (statutory rape).

I'm less clear on how often the "I was really drunk, never in a million years would I have done that sober" defense actually works, but it's never worked well in domestic violence disputes.

Edited by mremaknu, 12 January 2011 - 06:11 PM.

[Barophobia]

Being drunk doesn't excuse sexual assault, for the victim or the perpetrator. Being drunk has generally been considered (in various states, I don't know which offhand) to automatically remove a person's ability to consent, so a drunken woman/man, or a passed-out woman/man cannot legally be considered as having consented to sex. Same goes for minors (statutory rape).

I'm less clear on how often the "I was really drunk, never in a million years would I have done that sober" defense actually works, but it's never worked in domestic violence disputes.

Right, when you put it that way... it does sound like the lamest thing to say. I didn't know what was going through my mind when i thought about that being a viable option

[iargue]

This is Cara. I came on thinking people were on tinychat but nobody was so now i'm dicking on his account for a few mins until i get bored.

I am on tinychat. So is pyro and lisa.

[Sage]

Right, when you put it that way... it does sound like the lamest thing to say. I didn't know what was going through my mind when i thought about that being a viable option

No big deal... I only think about this stuff because I dealt with it secondhand (mom v. mean-drunk dad, I witnessed and testified).

Edited by mremaknu, 12 January 2011 - 06:13 PM.

[Seaner]

@OP - I'm pretty sure you know what you need to do here, if you feel that badly about what's happening then you need to speak up.

[Mr. Hobo]

I am on tinychat. So is pyro and lisa.

Erm hobo tried connecting like 4 times and it wouldn't let us and he said nobody was on and now i have to gtfo his room in a few mins soo you suck.


Edit ANYWAYS didn't mean to go off-topic sorry. back to the topic at hand!

[Boggart]

Man I missed a lot during my four hour shift O.o

I feel bad for the guy, but i gotta say he deserves it I'm not saying that he's entirely at fault or disagreeing with the fact that you may or may not have led him on and maybe for some reason are only choosing to report it now because of some other factor. But regardless of it, he deserves it.

If I were in the same situation, yes I'd feel bad. But the fact he's in jail shows there's a reason... it's ILLEGAL after all.

[leurz]

My 2 cents
-No, you don't have to go to court, so don't.
-How about you volunteer at an animal shelter for a few days to offset the karmic balance


He probably won't get anything but probation, which isn't too bad, and he won't be able to get a job working with kids.


We need to be thinking of a KICKASS story for Adina to tell friends at school.

I think she should say the cops needed her psychic abilities to solve a crime.
It will keep the friends lol'ing and avoid awkward silences.
You could also say you were the mastermind behind the wikileaks ddos attacks.
Any other suggestions for stories?