142 replies to this topic

[Dayzee]

Well, it looks like Homer has jumped ship anyway...guess he's watching alone.

[neobrah]

ouch.
so he did something that you accidentally slipped to a teacher? and you didn't mean it to be such big thing?
can't you just drop the charges?

you can drop charges. my friend got a rape charge by a girl who freaked out on him. he had to dispute it in court which took a long process.

[Barophobia]

Personally, I am not an expert, but my hubby is. He's a criminal lawyer. He's JAG (military law) which is different than civilian law, but with a few more details I can probably give you a very real picture about how this might all play out. You can post more info here, or pm me if you'd like.

Ah, its okay, I'm mostly just curious but i don't wanna dive too deep into law. Thanks for the sincere offer though, I really appreciate it

All I can say. Welcome to the internet, where the only thing we can go off is what you type in the little posting box. If you want accurate advice, post accurate details and then you'll get an accurate response. It's pretty simple with guys, if you say no, then it's no. If they continue past it, something's wrong with their cognitive thought process.

I'm not as nice as everyone else on the boards and I'm tired of senseless drivel. Don't think I'm passing judgment because I'm a dick. I'm a dick because it's a lot easier to be a dick than to post something like Cody when we're pretty much wanting the same thing (a more accurate recount of the story). I'm sorry, but when all you give us is

I got someone arrested...
I was sexually assaulted...
I don't want him to be in trouble...

You're going to get a bunch of dickish answers because you can't draw a single answer from what has been given. If your post would've contained the information your last post did, I can guarantee you the responses to this topic would be a lot different (Nunc would probably be the same).

Listen, I'm the most respectful guy in the world when it comes to women. I'm not going to ever want to intrude into an area where there's even a chance she'll say no. But when you're on the internet and you read about this shit all the fucking time, you're going to question the validity of things if the whole story isn't there. Especially coming from a girl who gets 'durnk' on occasion.

I was gonna type some long ass shit on how I agree with your points but halfway through it just looked like me rambling bullshit so I'm going to just rep you.

[Warriors]

Good job. Give someone who has been completely inappropriate in this thread +rep for being (by his own admission) simply to lazy to post a more appropriate answer or even simply ask for more information. I applaud your stupidity.

And @ Bryan, the next time you think of "these forums aren't what they used to be" maybe you should consider yourself as part of the reason why. Instead of being supportive and asking for more info, you attacked somebody simply asking for help/advice.

If I was a new member here I'd see this thread (it has the kind of title to draw people into it), see the responses many of you have given Adina and simply think, fuck this place I'll take their programs and go.

And I would to say to that..welcome to the GOD DAMN internet...People lie..people make up bullshit..Who the hell knows if its true or not...Not to say it didn't happen, I am simply stating that no one knows if its true or not, and for the most part people were helpful.

[Barophobia]

Good job. Give someone who has been completely inappropriate in this thread +rep for being (by his own admission) simply to lazy to post a more appropriate answer or even simply ask for more information. I applaud your stupidity.

And @ Bryan, the next time you think of "these forums aren't what they used to be" maybe you should consider yourself as part of the reason why. Instead of being supportive and asking for more info, you attacked somebody simply asking for help/advice.

If I was a new member here I'd see this thread (it has the kind of title to draw people into it), see the responses many of you have given Adina and simply think, fuck this place I'll take their programs and go.

Did you read through the whole thread? I meant that as a sincere question btw.

The impression i got at the beginning of the thread is this whiny little girl asking for advice on how she can stop her friend from getting charged in court. The things she could have done were given by the members in the forums but did she take the advice? No. I'm not saying that she should follow every member's advice like a dumbfuck but at least consider it. All she did was just repeat over and over about how she's fucked his life.


I don't get it, what does she want out of the thread? Solution on how to unfuck his life? Numerous given. Sympathy, also given. It wasn't till Bryan started attacking her that she started spewing all the little details out.


Personally, the two things that ticked me off was "I can't tell my parents the truth now. It's too late." and "I can't just take it back after all this commotion." If you were sincere enough about wanting to help his predicament there are many things that you can do. Though I guess her reputation's too large at stake to make the change, or whatever she's afraid of. I might be entirely wrong but because I only know Aidine as the girl with the gas mask display pic I can only assume my own judgments until she clarifies.

I wouldn't say that in such cases its ok to be a complete dickhead but I don't see any reason to be completely nice and caring because I feel that her feelings towards trying to get him out of this shithole isn't genuine.

And once again I quote:

You're going to get a bunch of dickish answers because you can't draw a single answer from what has been given. If your post would've contained the information your last post did, I can guarantee you the responses to this topic would be a lot different (Nunc would probably be the same).

p.s - I gave him rep because i found his post meaningful, is that wrong? Tell me then, whats an appropriate response? "Im sorry to hear about your predicament, here have a cookie." Im not Oprah.

Edited by Barophobia, 13 January 2011 - 01:15 AM.

[Mishelle]

If you said no and he continued that's sexual assault. It doesn't matter that he didn't rape you, him touching you without you consent is a crime and teachers are bound by law to report it. Whether or not you press charges is up to you, but since you're a minor I'm pretty sure your parents are allowed to press charges for you. So I suggest you pull up your big girl panties and tell the truth.

[Mishelle]

I don't understand why people are so quick to jump to dickish behavior just because you don't know all the facts. Just ask? The amount of leniency given to this guy for "just poking her" is fucking disgusting. It just contributes to this "boys will be boys" mentality that basically forces women to keep quiet when they're being assaulted. Would you like it if someone dry humped you without your permission? No you wouldn't. Some people here seriously need to grow the fuck up.

[Noitidart]

I don't understand why people are so quick to jump to dickish behavior just because you don't know all the facts. Just ask? The amount of leniency given to this guy for "just poking her" is fucking disgusting. It just contributes to this "boys will be boys" mentality that basically forces women to keep quiet when they're being assaulted. Would you like it if someone dry humped you without your permission? No you wouldn't. Some people here seriously need to grow the fuck up.

Whoa whoa lets take it easy. I don't think anyone is dry humping anyone. Message to all. Let's help Adina out here not insult each other.

Grow the fuck up and tell everybody the truth. Chances are he thought you were a slut anyways, which is why he was 18 and feeling you up. Of course I don't know how you guys went out for a smoke and he just randomly thought it was okay to feel you up but whatever. If the only thing you're worried about is having to tell your parents you smoke cigarettes and going to court, you're probably not too hurt about the situation that happened.

Bryan you and your upfront honesty has helped me out in situations in the past. It just did in the other topic with bog and now I'm sure Adina will appreciate it. Plus rep.

That's despicable. You're despicable. How could you ruin a person's life like that?

This is the stuff we need to work on Nunc. Please do not to throw stuff like this without knowing. Like soul said ask first before assumptions.

[Mishelle]

Whoa whoa lets take it easy. I don't think anyone is dry humping anyone. Message to all. Let's help Adina out here not insult each other.

She said the guy was thrusting up onto her like a blow up doll. That's obviously sexual assault and people going "oh he just poked you you're overreacting" need to grow up. No one likes unwelcome sexual contact so it pisses me off when people try to rationalize it when it happens to someone else.

Edited by Mishelle, 13 January 2011 - 02:54 AM.

[Noitidart]

Again advice for her rather then commenting on the posters. Take a deep breath and clear your mind then post. Your posts are not helping Adina.

[Barophobia]

Yes, I did read the whole thread, I've been monitoring it since it was posted if you care to look you'll see numerous posts of mine throughout.


Out of curiousity, how old are you?

She stated a number of times he was once a friend but hasn't been for some time. She is young (16) and is going through something that many people never have to experience, and I sincerely hope that it never happens to yourself (yes males can also be sexually assaulted) or a friend of yours.

Due to her age, and her affiliation with the offender, she is feeling guilty about the repercussions and understands that this person is now going to have something on a permanant record. She feels guilty as this may hinder his future life prospects... it's not often that someone ruins the life of another, directly or indirectly and often causes guilt whether it was their fault or not. In this case, the OP really should not feel guilty as it wasn't her fault, the blame lays on the offender himself.

How do you know she didn't/wont take the advice? She only posted it today. I see a number of different avenues that she could take, some of which are quite dangerous and possibly result in charges being laid upon herself (ie say she made it up). In situations like this, people usually don't act on the advice instantly away but look at the options people give, reflect and attempt to make the best possible choice.


From what I take it she wanted a range of options / advice on what she can / should possibly do. She never once asked for sympathy. There honestly was no need for Bryan to start attacking her in order to get all the little details out. If you don't understand that... I feel sorry for you.


Have you never been in a situation where you think "oh shit, I'm in alot of trouble if I tell, and I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't tell"? I have... and at 16 I would have asked advice on what I should do as well.... 16 is an impressionable age and she's obviously at a loss on what to do. If she does one thing she could be severely punished by her parents (nobody has bothered to ask what they're like, simply told her to talk to them. For all we know they could be overbearing control freaks who will punish her for the smallest things), if she does another the law could come down on her instead (in the case of those telling her she could just say she made it up)... Like I said, there are a number of options, all of which she will have to consider.


You don't have to be completely nice and caring, but you could at least show some god-damned respect. As mentioned before, there was no need to attack her, people could have simply asked for more information. I'm sure asking, would have resulted in it being given. Remember the OP's age. It wasn't mentioned, but I asked for it and I got it. Once again I'll repeat, she is a 16 year old girl. In her current staet of confusion, maybe she doesn't fully know what information would be relevant so she's given you the tl;dr sumup that half of you would have taken from a more lengthy post anyways.

Yea, I noticed, silly question to ask now that I think about it. Perhaps the reason in our difference of views is because you interacted with her from the start, whereas for me, when i read the whole chunk and come in around page 3.

I'm 20. it says on my profile. I won't say that I've been through more shit that you could possibly have imagined. We all have skeletons in our closets that we sometimes don't like to talk about. But I'd like to point out, I was once 16. I know how shitty that age is.

I have been stuck between a rock and a hard place a lot of times before. Over time I've learnt that if i really want to get problems solved, I can't walk out of the situation unharmed. I usually end up compromising. To me, I feel that hiding facts and truths never once helped ease the situation. Perhaps my mentality may be the reason why i view Adine in such a negative light, because of her indecisiveness. Analogy: Its like you wanting to save someone from an oncoming vehicle but you're too afraid to jump in because you're also afraid of death.

In case we got off the wrong foot or anything, I want to clarify that I never once justified that Bryan's attack at Adine is entirely acceptable. I agreed because in that negative post of his, there were truths. He wasn't coming off as just some fatass troll.

When i read the whole thread the only thing that I really got was just

I got someone arrested...
I was sexually assaulted...
I don't want him to be in trouble...
(yes copy pasta)

I understand that shes frustrated at the matter but that doesnt mean i could overlook the fact that all she was doing was whining.

What I posted may or may not have insulted her, I wouldn't know because I'm not her. I wasn't trying to flame her for leading a guy on unintentionally(be it true or not), it was just my frank opinion at the time. Sometimes, It takes two hands to clap. Right now, everyone's saying how the guy completely deserves it, its not that i disagree, he did commit an offense afterall. But perhaps theres another side to this story that we haven't looked at yet?

I'm not the nicest guy out there, nor do I feel the need to be pretentious and watch what I say. But know that it was just me being completely honest about how i feel about this thread/situation.

Peace.

[ToxicS]

Baro's just trying to play the devil's advocate

P.S Someone pm me pw to neocodex tinychat

*Thanks Acheron

Edited by Toxic-Snipe, 13 January 2011 - 05:05 AM.

[Barophobia]

Baro's just trying to play the devil's advocate

P.S Someone pm me pw to neocodex tinychat

Wha- Lies. Don't go around saying stuff like that, it'll hurt my feelings D:

[Lychee]

Adina - I really think you did the right thing here. If he's your friend, engaged and knows you're in a relationship and doesn't fucking stop when you say no, then he deserves to rot in jail before he does the same thing or worse to other women. Fuck everyone who's passing judgement on you because you occasionally get drunk or because you didn't recount everything in precise detail right away. Because when you're shaken by a traumatic experience, you're not going to be able to recount things clearly. Shit, just reading this thread and the drivel spouted by some members here has got me too riled up to think 100% clearly.

Thanks for contributing to rape culture, guys. Go fuck yourselves with a barrel cactus, please.

I don't understand why people are so quick to jump to dickish behavior just because you don't know all the facts. Just ask? The amount of leniency given to this guy for "just poking her" is fucking disgusting. It just contributes to this "boys will be boys" mentality that basically forces women to keep quiet when they're being assaulted. Would you like it if someone dry humped you without your permission? No you wouldn't. Some people here seriously need to grow the fuck up.

Thank you for saying this.

Bryan you and your upfront honesty has helped me out in situations in the past. It just did in the other topic with bog and now I'm sure Adina will appreciate it. Plus rep.

Because when she's traumatised she needs some guy on the internet telling her that her attacker thought she was a slut?

[Boggart]

Bryan you and your upfront honesty has helped me out in situations in the past. It just did in the other topic with bog and now I'm sure Adina will appreciate it. Plus rep.

surreee, if helping means me posting much less. helps a lot.

[Gee]

That's despicable. You're despicable. How could you ruin a person's life like that?

Victim blaming. Reason why society is so fucked up when it comes to women and sexual harassment.
If you felt violated, you had every right to do that. He should've kept his hands to himself! Honestly, he deserves it and it really isn't your fault. You really can't take it back now. What's done is done... and if you still strongly believe what he did was wrong then there's no reason to be regretful. He ruined his own live by doing that.

[Ali]

I really only know much about U.S. law. (But I'm sure that they are rather similar!)

Probably more like ours, non? Commonwealth countries don't tend to deviate too far from each other so that we can use each other's common law as persuasive precedent.

It could be that it doesn't matter she's over the age of consent, the fact that she's still a minor allows for it to still have the possibility to be classed as child abuse here.

She is young (16) and is going through something that many people never have to experience, and I sincerely hope that it never happens to yourself (yes males can also be sexually assaulted) or a friend of yours.

It's actually a startlingly high figure of people that WILL experience it. Something like 17% of women in the US are victims of either rape or attempted rape.

http://www.bbc.co.uk...plex_crime.html
1 in 20 British women claim to have been a victim of rape since the age of 16 (and so the overall figure will actually be higher if we include abuse below the age of consent) with a conviction rape of just 6% for reported cases. Once you factor in attempted rape and lesser sexual assaults, people who don't even realise or admit they're a victim, you're looking at something worryingly common. So it almost certainly will (have) happen(ed) to someone you know.


The problem is Adina (and why conviction rates are so low) is that this comes down to you v him, whose word is worth more. Your attacker was someone you know and someone of a similar age. That's the most common scenario for sexual assault cases but it's also the hardest to get a conviction out of because of all possible scenarios (stranger, older man, person in a position of power) this is the one you're most likely to consent to. You have the physical evidence presumably, of a slight bite mark but apart from your word, there is no evidence that you said no to that, you don't have witnesses. Testifying in person add weight to your side as your less likely to put yourself through it if it's not true. Aside from that, we're looking at hearsay evidence from your teacher. That's admissible evidence but only under certain circumstances (in the UK at least but I imagine Canada is fairly similar). Here, it would have to be proved that your mental state was weak enough after your experience that you couldn't physically be in court.

[Adina]

Some of you guys are so ridiculous. I don't see how me drinking once in a while (rarely) has anything to do with what happened. Some of you see it as whining, but I appreciate those who took the time to offer advice. I didn't think I needed to go into great amount of detail so I don't get bitched at. I'm not sure how agreeing to go out with someone for a smoke (the way we used to when we were good friends) means that I led him on. My posts aren't raging at anyone, I'm simply trying to combat the hate. I honestly did not expect this amount of disrespect. If you have doubts about my story, go find another topic to comment on and move along. I'm not begging you to have my credibility. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but my parents aren't the type to look at the big picture and try to comfort me. They'd be too busy asking me why I was going out for a smoke in the first place. They'd be too busy yelling at me for putting myself in that situation, as if that's what I expected to happen. Not everyone has supportive parents, so don't just assume that I can tell my parents the whole story and they'll look at me in an endearing way and tell me that they'll help me figure this whole deal out.

Once again, thanks to those who are being supportive. I have a lot of respect for those who are taking it seriously.

Regarding the whole court thing, an artist in residence was talking to me today and he told me that I only have to go to court if the guy calls me to. As in.. if he wants to take it to court, I have to attend. If he doesn't then this whole thing will just blow over. He is not allowed to be within 100m of the school until sometime in February, in which he probably has to transfer to another school. He's not allowed to contact me directly/indirectly. He has deleted me of facebook, and I was also called to the guidance office during class today, asking if I would like to talk to a social worker. So next Tuesday, that's what's going to happen.

[Boggart]

Some of you guys are so ridiculous. I don't see how me drinking once in a while (rarely) has anything to do with what happened. Some of you see it as whining, but I appreciate those who took the time to offer advice. I didn't think I needed to go into great amount of detail so I don't get bitched at. I'm not sure how agreeing to go out with someone for a smoke (the way we used to when we were good friends) means that I led him on. My posts aren't raging at anyone, I'm simply trying to combat the hate. I honestly did not expect this amount of disrespect. If you have doubts about my story, go find another topic to comment on and move along. I'm not begging you to have my credibility. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but my parents aren't the type to look at the big picture and try to comfort me. They'd be too busy asking me why I was going out for a smoke in the first place. They'd be too busy yelling at me for putting myself in that situation, as if that's what I expected to happen. Not everyone has supportive parents, so don't just assume that I can tell my parents the whole story and they'll look at me in an endearing way and tell me that they'll help me figure this whole deal out.

Once again, thanks to those who are being supportive. I have a lot of respect for those who are taking it seriously.

Regarding the whole court thing, an artist in residence was talking to me today and he told me that I only have to go to court if the guy calls me to. As in.. if he wants to take it to court, I have to attend. If he doesn't then this whole thing will just blow over. He is not allowed to be within 100m of the school until sometime in February, in which he probably has to transfer to another school. He's not allowed to contact me directly/indirectly. He has deleted me of facebook, and I was also called to the guidance office during class today, asking if I would like to talk to a social worker. So next Tuesday, that's what's going to happen.

This might be a dumb question, but why would HE want to go to court?

[Seaner]

This might be a dumb question, but why would HE want to go to court?

I think it's more a case of the guy getting charged by the police and having to appear in court. I guess this artist didn't word it correctly.

[Ziz]

Haters gonna hate, and there is always going to exist dumb people that can only read the title then post.
But if this topic begins to make you feel uncomfortable you can ask a mod to close it.
I hope that you can get out of this situation quickly.

This might be a dumb question, but why would HE want to go to court?

That's the point, now she knows that she won't have to go to court (unless this guy is really that stupid)

[Adina]

This might be a dumb question, but why would HE want to go to court?

Maybe he wants to get back at me or something? I don't know.

[Boggart]

Maybe he wants to get back at me or something? I don't know.

like... counter sue?

[Adina]

like... counter sue?

Possibly, but he knows my family situation. I'm pretty sure he knows court is the last thing I would want, and since he was denying some of what happened like pulling me in by my jeans, then he may very well want to be heard in court.

[Ali]

This might be a dumb question, but why would HE want to go to court?

Prove innocence? Might want that settled by a court rather than having the matter dropped and a number of people presuming guilt?