Incorrect, sir! The memory of PING shall be superseded by nobody!
I beat you the first time, you beat me straight after the second time (which brings the tally to two). I've played enough Yahoo Chess to know when somebody uses a chess engine 
One obvious giveaway was that the length of your moves all increased to over a minute (as would occur when you set the minimum time limit for the algorithm to a higher time, which would be the logical next step if you'd just been beaten using a low time limit for the calculation in the first game). Perhaps a bigger tell was that your first 30 or so moves in the second game were identical to the previous game you just lost (a pattern I picked up on after a few moves, and didn't tell you as I wanted to see how long it'd take you to deviate from the previous gameplay). Now, even if we weren't talking about you, and were actually talking about someone with a bit of intellect, remembering 30 odd moves in their correct order in a game of chess is no easy feat (plus, if you'd just been beaten, why would you be playing the exact same moves, and why would the identical moves all take over a minute to take?). Also, humans make mistakes, chess engines don't. In both games you played a more or less perfect game. You. Perfect. I mean, come on. We both know you don't have the brains to pull that off.
I generally don't have a problem with you. Truthfully, the one thing that annoys me more than anything about you, is you try too hard - you make too many boastful claims, which everybody knows are ridiculous. You're not a chess grandmaster, you've never publicly had sex with a girl on a train, you're not a great programmer and you don't have billions of neopoints (I still find it hilarious how bad your Photoshopping skills were on that screenshot). I think it's time you wake up.
In chess, the easiest way to improve your game, is to use an opener. The opener sets up the pieces in a method that improves your starting position, and provides chances to get kills. Most professionals will use the same opener in the majority of their games, and simply improve the opener to better assist you.
The first game I played significantly last for a reason. My goal wasn't actual to win, but to put pressure on you and learn how you reacted to situations. That is why I threw away my knights to take your pieces, I wanted to see how effective you were without them. My moves DID slow down in the previous game in the end, when I spent more time thinking about how to force a check and attempting to kill off your queen. I learned a huge amount from that place, specifically how you like to use your queen, and how you play with pawns.
I then used that strategy in the second game. In the first game I had never thought that I would lose, as I usually win games that I play against others. As such, I started to take more time and consider my moves more, as I knew that if I lost that game, you would make fun of me for the rest of my life.The first thirty moves were not even close to the same, because I remember using the same opener, and you trying to counter it and take my pawn, which forced me to completely change the style of starting the game. I most certainly did not play perfectly. I actually spent a lot of times cussing from my stupidity, and I remember asking you to take back a move as well.
I most certainly am not a chess grand master. In the last year I've lost 53% of all of the games that I have played. At the same time I've learned much more about the game .I do not think that I will ever become a grand master, because I simply don't want to think more then 2 moves ahead. I will always consider the move I make, and any move you can make in reaction to that, and perhaps if I need to, a third move after that, but nothing beyond that. Simply because it is too time consuming for me to consider that option.
You honestly should just own up to the fact that you lost the game. I did not accuse you of cheating when I lost the first game. I congratulated you and moved on to the second game, this time trying harder and using what I learned in the first game. I felt that the game was a really good one, and I had a lot of fun. We were down to just minutes left on the clock, and very few pieces left. I was actually excited to play a third game, hoping that you would have learned from my play. Instead you accused me of cheating, and insulted me, and I lost a potential chess partner for no reason. Its hard to find people who actually take the time to play this game.
