274 replies to this topic

[Nymh]

I have. You never flat out say at any point in time that you recommend, XX, as an alternative for spanking.

 

There are a variety of things that I/we use to discipline the kids.  I wouldn't call them "alternatives to spanking" for us, because we feel that spanking is wrong and just don't do it.  But for others, they may be seen as alternatives.

 

I guess the most common thing that we do is talk to the kids.  They need to know that what they are doing is wrong and why, instead of just knowing that they'll receive a consequence for doing certain things.  If all you do is whack the kid when they do something wrong, then they don't understand the why behind it.  We don't want the kids to blindly follow us for fear of punishment, we want them to understand how the world works and the ramifications of their actions as they apply to not only other people/things but also themselves.  This allows them to be able to form their own self control by understanding right from wrong, or good from bad, instead of just knowing what will get them punished and what won't.

 

If they need a punishment, we mostly use time-outs and loss of privileges.

 

Are we experts on parenting?  No.  But I'd say that the girls are two of the most well-behaved and smartest children I know.  Yes I am biased, but other people say that about them as well so it must have at least a little truth to it

[Mishelle]

Selling a couple of bags of weed doesn't make you a "dealer"

 

Lol I didn't just sell weed but ok captain fuckwit...

[NapisaurusRex]

There are a variety of things that I/we use to discipline the kids.  I wouldn't call them "alternatives to spanking" for us, because we feel that spanking is wrong and just don't do it.  But for others, they may be seen as alternatives.

 

I guess the most common thing that we do is talk to the kids.  They need to know that what they are doing is wrong and why, instead of just knowing that they'll receive a consequence for doing certain things.  If all you do is whack the kid when they do something wrong, then they don't understand the why behind it.  We don't want the kids to blindly follow us for fear of punishment, we want them to understand how the world works and the ramifications of their actions as they apply to not only other people/things but also themselves.  This allows them to be able to form their own self control by understanding right from wrong, or good from bad, instead of just knowing what will get them punished and what won't.

 

If they need a punishment, we mostly use time-outs and loss of privileges.

 

Are we experts on parenting?  No.  But I'd say that the girls are two of the most well-behaved and smartest children I know.  Yes I am biased, but other people say that about them as well so it must have at least a little truth to it

For me, there's a lot going on in this house. Yung doesn't physically punish my daughter and I don't physically punish his. They have had completely different early life experiences. I have used similar methods to yours for my kid. I use those methods with yung's kid, just more often. I'm also biased, but I feel like I have a super smart, well-behaved daughter, a smart step-daughter, and a 5 month old. Another facet is that she goes to her mom's every other weekend (if her mom has time for her) where she gets told she doesn't have to listen to me or yung and then everything starts over.

[Frizzle]

Lol I didn't just sell weed but ok captain fuckwit...

 

Ok dear.

[luvsmyncis]

Another facet is that she goes to her mom's every other weekend (if her mom has time for her) where she gets told she doesn't have to listen to me or yung and then everything starts over.

Then you just have to let her know that when she's with YOU, such and such behavior isn't acceptable. My step-niece is the product of a divorced couple, and so my sister is the second mommy. While it's tempting to paint the birth mother as an evil witch, that's not healthy for the child. There's enough love in a kid for everyone. You can't control what that other woman does, all you can control is what you do.

Once they came by to visit before they took her back to her mother's and there was a plate of cookies on the table. The little girl stared at them, so my mom said, "Oh, did you want a cookie?" Of course, she did, she's a little kid. My sister said, "I don't think she's supposed to have a cookie" and so we were just like "HURRY, HURRY. EAT IT BEFORE YOUR DAD SEES." It's bad, I know. But come on. She's 4. She was covered in crumbs when we sent her out the door, so it wasn't like we were hiding anything.

[NapisaurusRex]

Then you just have to let her know that when she's with YOU, such and such behavior isn't acceptable. My step-niece is the product of a divorced couple, and so my sister is the second mommy. While it's tempting to paint the birth mother as an evil witch, that's not healthy for the child. There's enough love in a kid for everyone. You can't control what that other woman does, all you can control is what you do.

Once they came by to visit before they took her back to her mother's and there was a plate of cookies on the table. The little girl stared at them, so my mom said, "Oh, did you want a cookie?" Of course, she did, she's a little kid. My sister said, "I don't think she's supposed to have a cookie" and so we were just like "HURRY, HURRY. EAT IT BEFORE YOUR DAD SEES." It's bad, I know. But come on. She's 4. She was covered in crumbs when we sent her out the door, so it wasn't like we were hiding anything.

I don't talk about her mom in front of her unless she brings her up. It's just hard and annoying to have to deal with it for a week or so every time she comes back brainwashed.

[soundrecorder]

Spanking is a violent act. It is not okay to smack another person, be it a random individual, an subordinate, etc. Children should not be treated any differently from adults in this particular instance.

 

Check out Stephan Molyneux, he has some good thoughts on non-violent child rearing.

[Frizzle]

Your definition of violent is weak.

[soundrecorder]

Violence is a spectrum, so in this case it is a weak definition. That doesn't make it any less relevant.

[Frizzle]

Violence is a spectrum, so in this case it is a weak definition. That doesn't make it any less relevant.

 

In the context of law, society and environment it makes it very irrelevant. 

[Yung]

So I started washing mouth out with soap.

 

I thought it would be a once or twice occurrence however... it turns out to be much more frequent. That being said we have seen a rather drastic decrease in the negative behavior. Now it seems to be more that they're honestly forgetting rather than deliberately disobeying.

[Trichomes]

So I started washing mouth out with soap.

 

I thought it would be a once or twice occurrence however... it turns out to be much more frequent. That being said we have seen a rather drastic decrease in the negative behavior. Now it seems to be more that they're honestly forgetting rather than deliberately disobeying.

 

My parents tried this when my sister and I were kids. After the first couple of times I had my mouth washed out with soap, I learned that a few minutes of having an unpleasant taste in my mouth was something I was willing to deal with if it meant I could misbehave, and didn't have to get spanked or have privileges taken away.

Edited by Trichomes, 19 May 2013 - 06:35 PM.

[Yung]

My parents tried this when my sister and I were kids. After the first couple of times I had my mouth washed out with soap, I learned that a few minutes of having an unpleasant taste in my mouth was something I was willing to deal with if it meant I could misbehave, and didn't have to get spanked or have privileges taken away.

 

Momentarily at least it's curbing the behavior we're wanting to avoid. Hopefully long enough for us to instill the correct behavior before this punishment grows immunity.

[NapisaurusRex]

My parents tried this when my sister and I were kids. After the first couple of times I had my mouth washed out with soap, I learned that a few minutes of having an unpleasant taste in my mouth was something I was willing to deal with if it meant I could misbehave, and didn't have to get spanked or have privileges taken away.

I think this is why we have a kid that prefers spanking. She doesn't have to go to bed, gets to play like normal, and it only lasts a second.

Also, I've tried tasting the soap.

It doesn't taste that bad.

[Yung]

Also, I've tried tasting the soap.

It doesn't taste that bad.

 

Yeah... we need harsher soap.

[NapisaurusRex]

Yeah... we need harsher soap.

...I'm not sure that's the solution here...

[Yung]

...I'm not sure that's the solution here...

 

Might make them think twice about resorting to a nasty taste though. Makes it a more effective punishment.

[Sweeney]

Are you actually serious? You replaced spanking with forcing your child to have an unpleasant chemical substance in their mouth?

I'm stunned.

[Yung]

Are you actually serious? You replaced spanking with forcing your child to have an unpleasant chemical substance in their mouth?

I'm stunned.

 

*sigh*

 

Again I've asked you for your suggestions... you've still yet to make any. All you've done is outline how horrible and barbaric my methods of punishment are.

[Sweeney]

*sigh*
 
Again I've asked you for your suggestions... you've still yet to make any. All you've done is outline how horrible and barbaric my methods of punishment are.

It's pretty simple. If it causes your child physical pain or discomfort, don't do it.

[Frizzle]

What glorious little shits your children will turn into.

[Sweeney]

What glorious little shits your children will turn into.

*shrug*
Cristen's parents have commented a few times on how the girls' behaviour has improved over the past few months.

[luvsmyncis]

*shrug*
Cristen's parents have commented a few times on how the girls' behaviour has improved over the past few months.

Have they adopted the English accent? Sometimes Americans are fooled into believing a person with a posh English accent is proper and and polite.

[Sweeney]

Have they adopted the English accent? Sometimes Americans are fooled into believing a person with a posh English accent is proper and and polite.

Only when they're purposely copying me

[Gee]

I was spanked as a child. Comes with the territory for being Asian I guess. Beating them, however, would go a bit too far. Just a spank on the butt or something. I don't resent my parents for it at all! I would never hit my spouse under any circumstances, domestic abuse is just plain wrong. It's different when you're both two adults, not an adult v. a child. If you need to discipline your spouse then IDK... what kind of a relationship is tha? 

 

My parents never spanked my brother, at least not as much as they did with me because my brother is Canadian born and my parents softened up. Let's just say he's grown into an entitled little shit who has no discipline whatsoever. I'm tired of the whole parents-trying-to-be-your-friend parenting trend right now. There has to be boundaries or else you end up with annoying brats.