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Sometimes Rabid Fans Get Out of Hand

Posted by KyloRen, 13 January 2016 · 158 views
fanfiction, star wars, dumbasses and 1 more...

I'm constantly on fanfiction.net, and after seeing Star Wars, I found another character to add to my list of fangirl crushes. Kylo Ren. So of course, Kylo/OC parings are what I'm reading in the Star Wars archive of fanfiction.net. However, I soon found I had to scroll through a very large mess of non-stories to actually find the real stories. These non-stories were not just non stories though. They were hate. Hate non-stories. The user who put them on the site hates Kylo/OC parings apparently and decided to be a cyberbully and bully the authors of the popular Kylo/OC stories. Which happens to be called: Runaway, The Lies We Tell, To Burn Your Kingdom Down, and possibly some others I can't remember. Every non-story from this user was filled with them swearing at the authors who wrote those stories, calling them horrible names, and then describing what they hated. Sure, describing what you don't like about a story is fine. Except when you do it this way:

 

Your story sucks so much! You can't even write. It's such a fucking Mary Sue. You need to stop writing you bitch! You can't write for shit!!!! Everyone needs to boycott these terrible stories, because they contain things I don't like!! (Kylo/OC, non-con, abuse..ect)

 

They constantly did this. And the authors stories started losing favorites and follows because this person kept posting hate about the stories and apparently some people believed them, that the stories sucked, the authors were horrible and promoted rape (the non-con ones). The authors do not promote rape nor do they think it's ok. Fanfiction is just that, FICTION. Just because they may write non-con fiction does not mean they promote rape in real life or think it's ok.

 

I, and many others, had to keep filing abuse reports on each non-story. And this terrible person always posted two of the exact same ones, just under a slightly different title, the content was the same. Which makes it harder for fanfiction.net to delete them because we have to report both stories, which takes more time.

 

After a while, it wasn't just hate on stories they were posting. They then started posting PM's the authors had sent them asking them to please stop posting these hateful things against their stories. PM's are called private messages for a reason. They're supposed to be PRIVATE. They then also posted their responses to the PM's they got, a couple of which mentioned the author's family, where they lived, what job they had...ect. Those looked something like this:

 

Authors name
Does you husband know you post this? Bet he wouldn't stay with you if he knew you posted this kind of stuff with Kylo Ren.

 

Authors name
You're a nurse and you post this stuff. You must be a pretty horrible nurse if you spend your time posting this. (basically saying they don't do their job because they spend too much time posting stories for people to read). You live in Jamaica and it's so obvious because your grammar is terrible and you can't write at all. You need to stop writing this shit.

 

Authors Name
HAHAHAHH!! No, I'm not going to stop. Your OC is a Mary Sue and I'm going to make sure no one reads it!! HAHAHAH!!

 

Imagine having to scroll through 4 or more of these a day when you're just looking for stories to read. And having to file abuse reports on all of them. They finally apologised in another non-story, saying they were jealous of what one of the authors wrote because they couldn't write like that, that they shouldn't have spread such hate just because they didn't like OC stories, and that even if an OC is a Mary Sue they had no right to post such things about the story. An apology is nice, but apparently they're 26. They should have known better than to cyberbully and harass people for writing things they don't like from the start. Jealously, and not liking something does not excuse a bully. Ironically, they actually plagiarized about 4 of the stories they claimed they hated too. They also impersonated a number of the authors, just by adding an extra "i" in the name. So chewiewookie turned into chewiiewookie.

 

They stole things, insulted and bullied people just because they don't like anything that isn't Kylo/Rey. As many fans have said, if they hate things that aren't the pairing they like, they are not a true Star Wars fan. Sure, people can dislike things, but spreading hate because you don't like it is not the mark of a true fan. A true fan respects others and what they write, even if they happen to not like the pairing or the actions in the story (non-con, abuse..ect). A true fan can acknowledge that there are other pairings possible with a character than just the one you like.

 

And I just learned they did this same thing a year and a half ago. Left an underhanded apology, but just repeated the same action a year and a half later.

 

I had to rant on this. I got so tired of seeing those "stories" every day and having to scroll past them just to find something worthwhile to read.




Middletown

Posted by KyloRen, 21 November 2015 · 210 views
play, middletown, aunt, theater and 1 more...

Middletown

As produced by the UPG theater department

 

Middletown is the name of the fall play this year at my college. I managed to land the part of Sweatheart's Aunt/Intercom Voice. I was really happy when I found out, as there was a very large number of people who auditioned for the play. They play itself is mainly about two characters, Mary Swanson and John Dodge. Mary has just moved to Middletown and is waiting for her husband (Bob) to arrive. She's also pregnant. John Dodge has lived in Middletown his whole life, and does odd jobs (he unclogs Mary's sink) as well as building things. Those two characters seem to have a relationship, as friends to begin with, and it seems to turn to romance later. However, since Mary is married, it never really goes totally into a romance. I'm not going to spoil the ending, but the play actually gets into some very deep stuff, though at most times it's very funny.

 

We've been rehearsing all semester, and this week (Thursday- Sunday) is performance week. The first day was ok, as it was mainly an audience of students who kept talking. I am required to watch act two every night, and on Thursday, the girls behind me would not shut up! It was incredibly rude and annoying. I'm required to watch act two because the scene I'm in is a sort of an "audience" who is supposed to be watching the play. Our director thought it would be funny if the "audience" actually became part of the audience.

 

Friday was much more fun, as it was mainly adults, and they just kept laughing. Laughter gives the actors a lot more energy than people ignoring the show and talking does. Plus, we had a dance party before the show started, so everyone was pumped up. We went to T.G.I Friday's after the show, since it was Friday.

 

Today, Saturday, we once again had a dance party before the show started, so I'm pumped up to the max. After the show tonight, we're going to Buffalo Wild Wings, and then Jordan (who plays Mary) is having a party. The crowd isn't as laughy tonight, but any laughter without people talking is nice.

 

My roommate decided to stay this weekend, since Thanksgiving break starts wednesday and I guess it didn't make sense to go home when she'd be going home on Wednesday anyway. I feel bad though because Monday-Wensday was rehearsals, and those took till 11pm sometimes, and I had to take a shower, so it was around 11:30pm-12am when I actually went to bed. I try to be as quiet as possible, but sometimes I do think I wake her up. Thursday-Saturday will be the same, however I get back later because we go out after, so I get back sometime around 12-1am. If she had gone home, she would have been able to sleep more. Plus, I like having the room to myself. I clean our dorm on the weekend, which does make noise because I have to rearrange everything, and today I believe she was trying to study, and I guess the cleaning was making too much noise for her because she just left. Also, I wish she'd gone home because I wouldn't have to deal with her really loud snoring that gets through my earplugs, and her really loud talking and screaming in her sleep. It's very annoying and the last time she screamed she woke up about half of our hall. And when she's gone I also can just throw stuff around the dorm and it doesn't matter, and I can shower and just put on my robe after, instead of having to put on my PJ's. Basically, I can wander around our room naked when she's not here.

 

Back to Middletown. I'm having so much fun with this production and making a lot of friends. Next semester I'm in the musical Man of La Mancha, as part of the ensemble and the housekeeper. Originally I was the understudy for the housekeeper but the girl ended up going to Spain for next semester, so I get to play the housekeeper now. And my roommate will once again have to deal with the late nights because of rehearsals for next semester as well.




College is fun, except when it isn't.

Posted by KyloRen, 08 November 2015 · 211 views
chemistry, project, bitches

As you all know, I'm in college now. Some parts are fun, and then there are the parts where I just want to start yelling and punching people. This blog entry is a rant of those times because I can't just go and yell at people.

 

Rant 1: Bio Lab Partners

 

I have 3, and I only ended up with them because it was the only seat left in the lab on the first day of class. 2 act like they're so much better than me, like they're smarter than me and they know exactly what to do without reading the lab. Because of those two, they didn't label the test tubes and messed up the whole lab because we had to then guess at what was in each tube. If they had read the lab, they would have known to label the tubes. They should have know to do that anyways. And they like to look at me all smug and with looks that show that they're thinking "oh, look how dumb she is".

 

And my third lab partner doesn't do ANYTHING. She sits there while I do all the lab procedures and write down all the data, answer the lab questions, do the diagrams and do the questions for review. Then she just copies my stuff. Our Professor said it was fine to copy as long as you put it in your own words. No one in my group does that, and I'm really tired of this girl just sitting there doing nothing and then just copying my stuff. It's like she doesn't know what she's supposed to do. It's like she doesn't even read the lab, even while I'm performing it. She doesn't seem to try to understand any of it either.

 

I really wish I'd sat at a different table on the first day. I could have gotten lab partners that actually do things and don't treat me like I'm an idiot when they're the ones who make stupid mistakes.

 

Rant 2: Chemistry Professor

 

Basically, with this Professor (She's new), the only way to pass her class to have taken AP Chem, or get an A in Chem Lab, since Chem Lab is 20% of the Chem lecture grade. (The two classes have a combined grade). We once asked her to do more examples because we didn't understand the math in the chapter. She did one more example. ONE.

 

She decided to collect people's homework and give them points, but she would only collet five people's homework a week and she doesn't write down the people she collected homework from, so some kids would end up getting more homework points than others, making the grading unfair. She only started to collect everyones when a ton of kids suggested on her little suggestion thing she made that she collect everyone's homework.

 

She grades the homework based on if you got the right answer. She doesn't care how you got the answer, just if it's right. So I can go ask a chem major for help, get the right answer, get the points and still have no actual idea on how to do the problem myself. She doesn't care that we understand how to get the answer, she just cares if it's right. She doesn't care if we don't understand, and she could use the homework people keep getting the wrong answers on to take as an opportunity to do more examples on those types of problems. She just wants to you to be right.

 

She suddenly realised about 57% of her class was failing her tests, so she made study groups led by those who have B+ or higher. And then gave those kids 10% bonus points. When they don't need the bonus points. I know that some people think "why would you give bonus to the failing kids who most likely aren't even trying?". Thing is, we are trying. We're trying as hard as we can to understand what she teaches, but we're still failing. Remember when I said that the one of the only ways to pass was to have taken AP Chem? Not everyone took AP Chem, so for those who didn't, the class is pretty much impossible.

 

As for her tests, she said she drop the questions to 40 instead of 50 because kids told the other Professor's her tests were too hard. Sure, it gives you more time to work on the math, but it doesn't change the difficulty of the questions. Plus, about a page and half of the test is math. She asks the same questions 3 different times and just changes the numbers. When I say that I mean she asks questions where the way to get the answer is the same in each question, only the numbers changed. Sure, it's good to make sure the kids know how to do the problem, but she doesn't need to ask the same type of questions 3+ times.

 

Along with that page and a half of math, it doesn't seem like she cares about you understanding the concepts. The other pages are mainly "did you memorize this table I couldn't be bothered to actually teach". She'll ask about one question that deals with your understanding of the concepts she teaches, like how gases behave and the gas laws. She basically just makes us memorize a bunch of tables. Sure sometimes you need to memorize things, but 3+ tables in each chapter, when some of the tables are very large, seems very excessive and lazy.

 

I only have a C in her class because I have a B in Chem Lab, so 20% of my grade is a B.

 

Rant 3: Chem Lecture Bonus Project

 

This basically happened a couple days ago, and part of today. She gave us a bonus project for 25 points, research one of the nobel prizes in chemistry and talk about how it changed the world. Well, she made a spread sheet for us to put down what we were doing so a ton of kids didn't do the same thing. I put my name down for the Prize of 1911 (Radioactivity). I was planning to do the project alone, as I wanted to, when one of the girls from my chem lab just emailed me and said "I'm going to do the project with you". Didn't even ask, just told me.

 

I said that was fine and told her what part I was going to do. Our Professor wants two things, history of the nobel prize, and the history and reason the person won the nobel prize you're researching. I told the girl in an email that I would do the research on Marie Curie, which meant that she would do the research on the nobel prize. She said that was fine. Then just a day ago, she sends a list of what the professor wants, even though I already know, said she was going to do the "top 3" and I could do the "bottom 2" on that list she sent me. So I continued with the research on Marie Curie, thinking that's what I should do since we already agreed to that, and the email she sent was basically just telling me the same thing, as I already knew what our professor wanted.
We were supposed to meet to make the powerpoint and 1pm today. She didn't show, and then emails me that the library opens at 2pm and that she's in a study room. I asked if 1pm was fine, and she said yes. She sent me that damn message about her being at the library at 2:30. I was already doing something else, and had to be somewhere at 3, which is why I suggested 1pm. If she knew the library opened at 2pm on Sunday she could have told me that when I suggested 1pm. I decided not to go to the meeting because she sent me that email at 2:30, which I really did not appreciate, and I didn't have the time to discuss and make a power point as I had somewhere to be at 3. Instead, I sent her the power point I was making, I sent that email at 2:30pm.

 

Well...I get a message at 8:50pm with her yelling at me because I did "the part she was supposed to do, and what is she supposed to do now???". I told her that I thought we were doing it so I was doing the stuff on Marie Curie, and she was doing the history of the nobel prize, like we had agreed when she suddenly decided to join me for this project. She sent me another pissy email: "I already did the "top 3" you were supposed to do the 'Bottom 2". I have work to do, and this puts me in a bad place. What am I supposed to do????"

 

Bitch. So I told her to just ignore what I did. God. It's not that f'ing difficult to figure out what you need to do. I already told her at the beginning what we were doing and then she suddenly switches it up on me, when she KNOWS what we agreed to at the beginning of this.

 

So now I've decided to not do any of the research on the "bottom 2" because she replied all pissy to me at 8 FREAKING 30, when I had sent her the message with the power point and 2:30! She took 6 hours to reply and got all pissy. Well, maybe if you had looked at when I sent it, this would be easier. She has a bloody iPhone, she can get email very easily. She constantly uses her phone, and apparently even though she uses her phone a lot she couldn't be bothered to see a little red "1" on the dang mail app at 2:30 when I sent her the stuff??? Why the hell should I do something at 8:30 when you have been very inconsiderate and acting like a dang bich? Why the hell should I be considerate of you when you take 6+ hours to reply to an email you got on your iPHone which you always use, and then get all pissy at me. Why should I be considerate when we agreed to a 1pm meeting, I waited for you to show up, and then at 2:30 you tell me the library opens at 2 and you're there?? If you knew that, you should have said that when I set a 1pm meeting!

 

I am on the damm verge of emailing my Professor telling her that I'd like to switch what I'm doing and I'd like to work by myself, and the girl just signed herself onto my project without even talking to me about it.

 

Actually, I'm on the verge of just continuing with my powerpoint and not sending her anything. If she's going to be a bitch, take 6 hours to reply to an email, mess up the meeting time and sign herself up with me without talking to me about it, she can deal with me being a bitch in return.

 

I have other work to you know? I have a chem lab report, due wednesday, like she does. I have a bio quiz wednesday. I have other chem homework, like she does, that I need to do. I have a paper I need to write. I have math and chem to study for as I have a math test friday and a chem test monday, and I need to study really hard for chem because I keep falling.

 

And yet, I'll still do the extra research for this f'ing project that she just jumped on board with me. Just assumed I'd be fine with it because we're chem lab partners. That's not how the world works hun. I am honestly nearly 100% going to email our professor, tell her that I'm going to do the project by myself because this girl never talked to me about working together and is being incredibly inconsiderate about it. She has a damm chem tutor, she can pass our professors tests with the extra help she's getting. She can deal with missing out of 25 bonus points. I can't. I don't have a tutor, I don't have the extra help so for me to pass the dam tests, I have to study without rest and pray to god that I don't fail.

 

I'm on the verge of sending my project to our professor by email, instead of uploading to course web and explaining why I'm doing it though an email. That way this bitch doesn't get credit for doing the powerpoint I made. The world don't revolve around you and your work girl. I have work to you know. You need to learn how to be considerate and you need to learn what happens when you're not considerate. Especially with me. I like revenge. And I'll get it. I hold grudges, and I like holding them. I will basically hate you silently and now basically act annoyed and pissed off whenever I have to work with you. I'm not sending you the data for the chem lab you missed. I know the report is due wensday. Dr. Weller said you had to do the lab by yourself, instead of me sending you data. And that's what going to happen. If you got data from someone else, good for you. If you didn't, sucks to be you.

 

Update: and now she's all like "it's fine I'll do it". *throws hand in air*. You got all pissy, said you had a ton of work, and now you're just gonna do it?? It was my project to begin with, not yours, you just jumped on board without asking. Cunt.

 

And so ends my rants for today. I'm still pissed though.




Reasons I should never be in a position of power in fictional worlds:

Posted by KyloRen, 24 September 2015 · 107 views
power, joffrey, loki, avengers and 1 more...

Let's start with The Avengers. As many of you know, I fangirl immensely over Loki.
Posted Image

 

I believe many of you already know why I do, so I won't go into detail explaining the reasons. Many of the characters I fangirl over are the bad boy characters, or the evil ones. Honestly, like my profile says, on the outside I seem very nice, on the inside...watch out. I also have an extreme liking for fire and darkness. Any game I ever play, when I have to chose an element for a character, it's fire or darkness. I do not like the light element or those type of characters. I like burning things and starting fires. In my freshman high school chem lab, there was a little bin on the lab table where we would put the paper towels and such things when we were done using them. If we were using matches on that day, I would light all the paper in that tiny bin on fire. It never burned anything but the paper though, so it wasn't a huge fire issue. My chem teacher would look over, see the smoke and go "She's at it again", but he was the teacher who made fireworks in the classroom, made a pumpkin on Halloween explode, made bubbles you could put in your hands and light on fire without burning your hands, and made a cannon that he used to shoot a ball down the hallway, so he didn't really care about me lighting the paper bin on fire.

 

When I played shooting games, if friendly fire was allowed, I had a habit of doing just that. It was fun. I enjoy mischief and sometimes sabotage. I hold grudges.

 

Now, imagine if you put me in Asgard, with Loki there at the same time, and imagine me in the position of power of Queen of Asgard. Can you see the smoke rise? Can you see me setting Thor's chambers on fire? Can you see the explosions? Can you see how I would use the Queen's power to get whatever I wanted? I can see me standing by the throne, being all nice and sweet, while secretly plotting ways to get the people to do what I wanted. Plotting of ways to light stuff on fire and cause a couple of explosions. And the only one who could punish me for it would be the King, but considering that Loki would be king at the time, I doubt that would happen. He's the God of Mischief after all. Why punish the queen for causing mischief? Sure, he might punish me, as he's Loki, but I'd likely just continue to cause a ton of mischief, setting things on fire, causing explosions, painting the entire castle green...

 

That's the first example. Ready for the second?

 

The second example comes from...Game of Thrones.

 

As you've already seen, my avatar and signature have changed from being Loki based to being Joffrey based. There's a reason for that. You remember how I mentioned before that I enjoy the bad boy and evil types of characters? I don't think I need to explain how Joffrey fits in there. Yes. You just heard me say (not directly), that I like Joffrey. That I pretty much fangirl over him. Yes. I fangirl over the character who has a violence fetish and acts like a brat most of the time.

 

Posted Image

 

Remember, I can act nice on the outside, but on the inside I'm secretly plotting and laughing at horrible things.

 

Plus, I like power. I like having it, and I like those who have power. Imaging what I could do with that power is amazing to me. I wasn't surprised to end up with this after taking a quiz. Keep in mind, I wasn't even trying for this. I actually answered the way I would answer, and not answered what I thought would get me a certain character.

 

Posted Image

 

This is actually very close to me. I can't stand losing, at anything. I have to win. I once started screaming my head off at one of my soccer games at my own team because we had already lost the championship and we were about to lose third place to a bunch of fifth graders. I was screaming and crying. When we played jeopardy for a review in Biology last week, I literally kneeled on my chair and screamed so I could be heard more. Our teacher has the teams choose sounds to yell out when someone on the team has the answer. My teams sound was "DING". Yep. I was kneeling on my chair and yelling "DING" so loud I hurt my throat and couldn't talk well the next day. My professor also said we weren't allowed to yell at the other teams. I had a very hard time not screaming at the other teams in anger.

 

I have stormed away from games before, like chess, when I started losing.

 

Just yesterday, when our Chorale Professor announced who got into Chamber Singers, I went through the rest of Chorale secretly hating the girl who got in in my head and trying to prevent myself from screaming myself hoarse in anger over it. I still hate that girl, and I will probably hate her for all of the year, or longer.

 

As for the deviousness, yes I have that. As I've said, I am constantly plotting. I will find a way to skirt every rule I have ever been given. My math professor said no graphing/programmable calculators. So I got a calculator that has 3 different types of equation solvers on it. Regular equations, equation systems and polynomial equations. She never said anything about what features the calculator should or should not have. It's also really hard to tell those features are there on the calculator. You have to actually be looking for them.

 

I have put my class notes into my graphing calculator and scrolled through them on tests. I have put high school chem notes on there and used it on the midterm and final. I have put pre-calc equations and ways to solve things on my graphing calculator and used that calculator on the midterm and the final. My teachers never I said I couldn't do it. They said I could use a graphing calculator, and I was using a graphing calculator. If they didn't want me to put notes on it, they shouldn't have let me use a calculator that had that ability on it. They said I could use one, and never specified what I could or couldn't do with it.

 

If I was at hogwarts, first year, I would learn the summoning charm and start stealing people's homework so I never had to do any homework at all, and the other houses would lose points because their students weren't doing their homework.

 

I run on a belief that says, "If it doesn't say you can, but it doesn't say you can't, you can".

 

Imagine me at Kings Landing. It'd be like having two Joffrey's running around. If he was king at the time, and I was queen, I'd stand there silently laughing in my head when people's heads got chopped off by him. I imagine I wouldn't like all of them, but I'm not going to stop him from doing it. I imagine I'd be really good friends with Cersei. I would honestly grab a sword/cross bow and just chop off the head of the person who poisoned Joffrey at the wedding (if I was in the position of power as queen, it would have been my own wedding). I would start screaming and then just start swinging the steel wildly. We'd need more pikes.

 

If I had been in Joffrey's place when he had been attacked by Arya's direwolf and when she pointed the sword at his throat, I would have been doing the same thing he was. Begging for her not to kill me, and then I would find a way to get her in trouble. A ton of trouble. Basically, I would have also made the story out to make it so it seemed worse than it was and made me look like the victim.

 

I have been likend to characters before by my friends, but never have I fit one as much as I fit with Joffrey.

 

And that concludes my post about why I should not be in psotions of power in fictional worlds.




So many health issues at only 19

Posted by KyloRen, 30 July 2015 · 255 views
health, medical tests and 1 more...
I'm still waiting on the results of my cardiac echo on the 28th. However, I just got the results back from the electrocardiogram that was done the 21st:

Sinus tachycardia
Borderline QT interval

Basically my heart is too fast when I'm at rest. Usually for adults, according to Mayo Clinic, it's supposed to be around 60-100. The test clocked mine at 108. Now that isn't that far over the 100 beats per minute, but for being 19, it's a possible big problem. The sinus part is referring to what is called the "sinus node". It's sort of like the hearts natural pacemaker. Basically, there's an abnormality in my heart that's causing my sinus node to fire rapid electrical signals.

Tachycardia can increase fainting spells, also known as "syncope". I had one just a couple days ago when shopping. That was my 8th or 9th visit to the ER department, and my 2nd visit that had me brought there by ambulance.

There's a number of things that can cause tachycardia, but I'd say the reasons for mine is most likely this:


Imbalance of electrolytes, mineral-related substances necessary for conducting electrical impulses.

I can access my old test records in the UMPC system, and in 2013, the electrocardiogram that was taken after a seizure (medication was too high. I don't have a seizure disorder), showed that everything was normal. Including my sinus rhythm, though it was at a 96, which is only 12 away from the most recent 108.

There are times I really wish that DNA testing for certain diseases was covered by health insurance. I'm adopted, and my adopted is a closed one. Meaning that I have no contact with my birth parents, and I have no contact information for them. Because of this, I have no information about any kind of family history. I don't know if there are certain diseases that run in my family that I may be at risk for.
If I knew my family history, it would really help me out in my own health, that way I can take steps to lower my risk of getting any of the diseases that may run in my family.
Instead, I know nothing, which puts me at a tiny risk here with my own health, and the health of my kids (if I ever chose to have any). In my opinion, DNA testing for closed adoptions should be covered by insurance. It would most likely be classified under "preventive care".

Back to the test results, I have no idea what a "QT interval" is, so I don't know if that's something I should be worrying a ton about, but it does say "borderline", which I assume isn't too good.

In addition to this new cardiac issue, let me list a ton of other health issues I have:

Exercise Induced Asthma. Basically it makes it incredibly hard to breathe during exercise, and if I breathe too hard, I can sometimes taste iron in my mouth. Exercise is good for your heart, but this makes exercise incredibly hard for me.

Borderline cholesterol levels. My dermatologist has to do blood tests for cholesterol due to the fact that I was taking actuate. However, she also said that my good cholesterol was canceling out the bad or balancing it or something like that.

There are times, recently, where I'll breathe in, and my chest forces me to stop. It hits a point and won't let me inhale more. I can try, but my chest area doesn't expand anymore like it does when you breathe in. It's a real pain when I need to yawn, because yawns are giant breathes, and I'm being forced to stop in the middle of the giant breath. To fix this requires my inhaler, which I usually only use for my exercise induced asthma.

Insomnia. Basically, I can't sleep without medication. I can get really tired, and lay in bed trying to sleep for hours, but never fall asleep. Not fun. It is under control though, sometimes. There's a natural thing/mineral/something called "melatonin" which is basically found OTC. I sometimes need to use that in addition to the regular medication. Unfortunately, I'm out of melatonin right now.

Anxiety and depression. These two are well controlled however and don't really cause any issues.

Astigmatism. The optics in my eyes have issues trying to focus a point object into a sharp image on my retains. Without glasses, I see this (not the original):
Posted Image

Nearsightedness. I can't see things far away, but I can see things up close.

And when I was little I had amblyopia, or lazy eye. With this disorder the eyes are misaligned. The preferred sighting or "fellow eye" (the eye the person prefers to see out of) sees everything normally. The other eye sees everything abnormally. The two eyes project different images to the brain, one normal, and one abnormal, causing double vision. This was fixed with eye drops, which stung quite a bit.

That rounds out my list of health issues I have at just 19.

Hopefully the cardiac echo is normal, but with the results from this recent EKG, I'm not hoping too much.


Some people collect baseball cards, I collect medical tests.

Posted by KyloRen, 27 July 2015 · 105 views
medical, collection, tests
Yep. Some people have collections of baseball cards or figurines. I collect medical tests. Here's a list of what I've collected so far:

EKG x3
EEG x2
Video EEG x1
CT Scan x1
MRI x1
X-Ray x5 (at least)
Allergy Panel Blood Test x1
Allergy Panel Skin Test (or whatever it's called) x1
HGC Total Quantitative Blood Test x6 (at least)

Tomorrow I'll be adding:
Cardiac Echo x1

I'm nearly done with all the large machine scans. All I need now is a CAT Scan and a PET scan to round out my list. It's an odd thing to collect medical tests, but it's just something that happened randomly. I didn't have one test and decide to have others, the others just sort of happened.


NYC Choir Trip 2015

Posted by KyloRen, 15 April 2015 · 174 views
nyc, choir trip, 2015
As some of you may already know, my High School choir was on a trip to NYC Saturday through Tuesday. I have pictures and I said I'd blog about it, so here's the blog!

Day/Night 1 Saturday
We had to be there at 4:15am and I don't remember anything from that time. All I remember is my friends talking about something and me going "what" and then one of them asking if I agreed with them and I said "yes". I have a feeling I talked about some really strange things, but it was so early my brain wasn't working and I don't remember anything. We got on our bus at 5:30am. Seniors got on first because senior privilege.
I needed up falling asleep from about 6:30-7:30. Unfortunately, at 6:30, which is when a lot of the kids usually wake up, the bus got somewhat loud, even though we were having "quiet time". I have no idea how I managed to fall asleep when I usually need it completely quiet to sleep. After a while on the bus, we ended up watching Grease on the bus's TV system. I had no interest in watching Grease, so I just watched Harry Potter 1 on my iPad. A ton of people brought their 3D's and I was mad I didn't because my iPad only works on wifi, and the hotel only had free wifi in the lobby. After Grease we watched Mulan, and when the song "I'll make a man out of you" came on, the whole bus started singing.
We got into NY about when the movie ended, and saw the skyline. It was really nice.
We got to the hotel and loaded everything off the bus. Our groups had 8 people in them, each room had 4 people. The other girls didn't have their room yet, so they stored all their stuff in our room.

I don't remember much of what happened after that, but we got dinner at Bubba Gump's. They started out with Forrest Gump trivia questions. If you knew the answer, you had to raise your hand and yell "STOP FORREST STOP!"
We had to have dinner at 3pm, because the choir had rehearsal at 6pm-9pm, and apparently our director couldn't get us in anywhere else closer to that time with a group as big as us. Our choir was preforming with about 3 other choirs in what was called the "National Festival Chorus" which is why we had to have rehearsal. We ended up signing "Don't stop believing" randomly at the restaurant. That's what the choir does, sing songs randomly.

It took them over 20 minutes to get my salad. All I asked for was the Chicken Caesar Salad without the chicken. The other guys at my table (my group had to split up, there weren't any seats together) got their fried shrimp way before I did. The waitress had to come by and ask me what I ordered again. Thank god the tip was included, because for one, I'm bad at math, and two, there wouldn't be a huge tip from me because I had to wait so long for a salad. All they had to do was throw stuff in a bowl. They didn't even need to cook anything. It should not have taken that long.

After Bubba Gump's we took a group photo by the red steps in Times Square. There were tons of people walking around as characters, like Mickey Mouse. I wanted to see a Loki. All I got was a Thor on one of the days, I don't remember which. I never got my Loki.

It was really fun to see them though (except the Thor of course). We went to the disney store after that because a couple of the girls in our group wanted to go. I asked if they had Mulan stuff. The girl said yes, it was on the second floor. The store had ONE Mulan doll. Nothing else from Mulan. That is not "we have Mulan stuff". One Mulan doll is not "stuff". Stuff is plural, one doll is not a plural object.
When I asked if they had Mulan stuff, I expected more than one tiny doll of Mulan.

We had rehearsal from 6-9pm with Dr. Jonathan Reed, who is the best directors I have ever worked with. After that we took a walk to "Top of the Rock" and got some great pictures of the NYC skyline. After that it was time for bed.

Day 2 Sunday
I had Starbucks for breakfast that morning. We had rehearsal that morning too, but he let us out early though because he said we were so well prepared with the music.

We walked to one of NY's parks (Bryant Park), and got lunch, which for me happened to be a $5 subway salad. We first went to a pizza place that advertised that they had salad. They guy working said that they only had pizza. Why are you advertising salad if you don't have salad?
The park was really nice. They had a number of statues, and a couple bands played by the waterfall in the middle. One of them was Scottish.

We then saw Matilda at the Schubert theater on Broadway. It was a really fun musical. The father character, after intermission, started singing a song that went: "All I know I learned from TELLY!".
My group found the word "TELLY" hilarious. After Matilda, we went to Madame Tussauds and saw all the awesome wax people/figures/statues (whatever they are). They had an Avengers exhibit, so I've got some pictures of me glaring at Avengers characters. I was also disappointed they had Benedict Cumberbatch, but not Tom Hiddleston. It was still pretty awesome though.
Sadly, we only got about an hour or so there, so we missed a large part of the exhibit. This was due to the fact that we had to wait a long time after seeing Matilda before we could go to Madame Tussauds, since we have to make sure we've got everyone before we go anywhere.

After that we went back to the hotel and my group sat in our room yelling the word "TELLY", from the song "All I know I learned from TELLY!". Vanessa, one of the girls I shared a room with, actually shouted it out the window. We spent at least 15 minutes laughing at that word. I have no idea why it's so funny.

We had dinner at the Stardust Dinner that night, where the wait staff sings to you. They sang "Shake it off", "For Good" from Wicked, some rock music, a ton of musical songs, and some other stuff. I didn't know the names of many of the songs. It was really fun, because we're a choir and when we heard a song we knew, we sang along really loudly. I had pasta for dinner that night, and I forgot to take a picture when I got it, so I have a picture of my mostly eaten pasta.

Day 3 Monday
This was it, performance day. The Orchestra, String Orchestra, and Wind Ensemble performed in the morning. Once again, I'm pretty sure we had bagels for breakfast. The Orchestra (not string) started out with selections from Phantom of the Opera. It was very good. Both the band and Orchestra were nice to hear. The string orchestra was ok.

After that we went back to the hotel for some rehearsal, but he let us out early again because we didn't have much else to do. Dr. Reed was really happy with our preparation and our performance during our rehearsals. We got ready for our concert afterwards, and we had pizza from some famous pizza place.
Remember how I said that my group found the word "TELLY" to be really funny? Well, we spent about 10 minutes yelling the word "TELLY" and laughing. Vanessa, one of the girls I shared a room with, yelled it out the window.

After we were ready we piled back onto our busses and headed to Carnegie Hall. The performance went really well. One time the guys did something so well, that Dr. Reed sort of punched the air, you know what you do when you're really happy, while he was conducting. I have never sung so well before. I have never had a director I wanted to sing really good for. Dr. Reed would tell us what we were doing wrong, and when he wanted certian vowel's to sound right, he would show us the correct mouth shape we needed to get the vowels right. I learned so much about singing from him in just the short time we had together. Our regular Choir director doesn't tell us what we do wrong, she'll just say "sing that again". She may be trying to be nice, but it would help us out so much if she would tell us exactly what she wants fixed. We don't really have too much of an urge to sing really well for her either. She doesn't give us that feeling.
Dr. Reed also fist bumped us before and after the performance.

Sadly, after that, we were watching the next choir group go on, and there was a group from another school talking so loud next to me that I couldn't hear the group signing, and I was right under a speaker. I asked them to be a bit quieter, and the girl called me a bitch and one of the guys went "yea, it's a party. You don't like it, go somewhere else". I told them I could hear them and the girl went "yeah, I know." That little turd called me a bitch when she knew I could hear her. She meant to be horribly mean. So all I said was, "I'm not telling you to stop, all I'm asking is that you be a bit quieter". She gave me this really awful look, and another girl had to tell her not to do anything. The director of that group was right next to me. And he did NOTHING.

After that, one of other directors told that girls director to ask his kids to be quiet because her's were trying to watch the group that was singing. After that, a boy from my school told that same director a girl was giving him and his group of friends weird looks. Now, you'll look at someone when they're taking while you're trying to watch a performance, and usually people don't have issues with that. Since the kid had to tell that director that he and his friends were getting weird looks, meant that the looks they were getting made him and his friends very uncomfortable. Uncomfrtoable enough that he had to tell their director about it.

When you're on a trip, you represent your school. Those two incidents made that school looks like a ton of hateful, rude, horrible, bullies. They represented their school horribly.
I have a sort of "evil revenge mode" and after we sat down in the house again after intermisison to watch the last peformance of the night (they snuck us back in after intermission. Before we were in a room on the 6th floor called "orchestra room 6"), my "evil revenge mode" turned on.
Their school was the only one with a male director, and their whole school's name was listed in the program. I had the huge to find their school districts twitter account, and the account of the director (if he had one), and tell them what a terrible job those kids did representing their school. I had the urge to post those incidents all over FB too.

That urge turned off after we got to Plannet Hollywood and had dinner, because my friends made me happy again.
I'm still very pissed at those kids though.

Day 4 Tuesday
Got back on the bus and went to Chelesa Market for breakfast. Got some kind of blood organge drink, and a cheese pastry from a great bakery for breakfast, and I bought a really awesome green and gold (Loki colored) hairband from another shop there.
After that we visited the 9/11 memorial, which made me really sad. It was even sadder to see white roses and American flags inserted into the names of people on the memorial, because those meant that someone who knew that person had place that rose/flag there.

Then was China Town. I got some Japanese Miso Soup from a store for lunch, and bought some Pocky and a Red Bean Mochi from there too. It was delicious. We were waking around and a store was selling something called a "Cable Take Pole", and I read that back of the package, and it had such bad grammar, it was an obviously fake version of the "Selfie Stick". It was a really bad fake version too.

Then we got back on the bus, but we had to stop about an hour into the ride because the two Orchestra busses were too far behind us, and we had to get back at the same time.
The bus didn't stop for 5 hours after that, and we got through Finding Nemo and Big Hero 6 during that time. We couldn't use the bathroom on the bus because someone peed all over the floor, so it was 5 hours without a bathroom break.

We got back around 10pm and then I went home.


I'll post links to the picture album later. For now, I have to go to bed.


Lament on the US college system

Posted by KyloRen, 05 December 2014 · 198 views
penn state, pitt, money and 2 more...

Satsuki's Lament on the US college system



I got decisions from Penn State Berks and from University of Pittsburgh at Greensburg. Both came back as acceptances, Berks came about 4 days before Pitt. Now I'm stuck deciding where to go. I've made pro and con lists, but they don't seem to be helping too much. I've visited both campuses, Greensburg twice because I visited last summer but couldn't remember the feeling I got there.

Besides deciding, there's now the "how am I going to pay for this?" stress as well. Penn State has over 70,000 students across it's 20 campuses, and only about 14,000 (or 25%) get scholarships. 32% of those scholarships go to the main campus, but the other 68% go to the other 19 commonwealth campuses to be shared between them. Penn State tends to base scholarships (according to the College board) on academics and alumni association. I don't have any alumni associations anywhere but down in Texas, because my whole family lives there. That leaves academics. However, because they have over 70k students, their scholarships are very, very competitive and it's unlikely I'll receive one.

Besides the competitive scholarships from the school, FAFSA (Free application for federal student aid) hands them out, and things like work-study, but those are need based. Good and bad, assets have to be declared on the form. There's the college account I have, and my moms business she invested in with my cousin. Both will have to be declared, plus, I'm an only child, so my parents aren't paying for more kids to go to college and would need more cash because of that, which also has to be said on FAFSA. Because of those three things (and others I can't think of right now), it's possible I'll get nothing from our federal government because I wont be declared "need-based".

Need-based is calculated like so:
Cost of Attendance (COA) - Expected Family Contribution (EFC) = Need

I was also accepted to Pitt Greensburg, as I noted before. I feel a small connection to that campus, but it's nothing too large to go "HEY, GO HERE!" Plus, how am I supposed to know where I'll want to live for the next 4 years? I'm not psychic!

Then they've also offered me a 3k scholarship every year if I get a 3.25 GPA, if I get over a 3.5, the scholarship goes up. I don't want to choose my school based on financial things though.
At least they give me till May 1st to claim that scholarship and enroll, and get housing. It gives me some time to think about it, but I'd like to get this done so I don't have to stress anymore.

Why must America's college system be so expensive and so based on money? I don't want to be one of those students who drowns in debt and then defaults and ruins my credit. "STOP CALLING ME SALLIE-MAE. I DON'T GOTS NO MONIES"
:crybaby:


Satsuki presents another song parody

Posted by KyloRen, 26 November 2014 · 108 views

It's time for,
Another Satsuki Parody!

Please welcome...Somewhere over the silver moon for adv+!
(Because of that wonderful over the moon feeling you get when you're promoted.)

Somewhere over the silver moon, way up high

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the silver moon, member bars are rainbow
And the promotions that you dare to dream really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a codex member
And wake up where the blue bar is far
Behind me
Where no user perks melt like lemon drops
Away above the advanced
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the silver moon rainbow userbars fly
Avd+ fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh, why can't I?

If happy little adv+ members fly
Beyond the rainbow why, oh, why can't I?



Warning: Do not sit down really hard on the armchair of a couch

Posted by KyloRen, 02 October 2014 · 227 views
couch, pain, warning
Like the title says, I did this at a friends house while waiting to go to the Renaissance festival. It wasn't too bad that first day, I could still walk, but it hurt a bit to sit down. It continued to get worse, though. Now it hurts to walk, it's hard to find a comfortable position for sitting, and "getting up"? HA! I have to roll over just to get out of bed now because it hurts too much to sit up normally. As soon as the pain radiates from my tailbone I'm very quickly sitting up straight. Hopefully this will clear up by the end of this week. Unfortunately, ice doesn't really help too much because there isn't much of a bump or bruise there, so it seems internal.
The fact that I can't walk makes everything worse, because I'm constantly running up and down our school stairs. Sometimes I have to run from the bottom up to the 6th floor, which is a huge flight of stairs.

Let this be a warning: Look before you sit down on a couch.






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