120 replies to this topic

[Leaf]

I was on ketamine... Need I say more.

[artificial]

Why ask the question then? Sorry I may have come across harsh in my reply. Forgive me please.

I was hoping for a little pearl of happily married wisdom.

You don't. You know that you've met someone that you're compatible and comfortable with.

With that said, I don't think "the right one" exists. There's lots of potential "right one[s]".

True. However I'd hope that when I marry a woman it's for life. With the amount of marriages these days that end in divorce, surely it's not absurd to ponder whether or not you've met the right girl, as opposed to simply meeting a girl you're comfortable with. I'm comfortable with most people I've met.

[Strategist]

I was hoping for a little pearl of happily married wisdom.

Well, in that case....

I think Slink summed it up well enough just now. For example, myself and my wife just had that 'connection' right from the start. When I first met her, I remember thinking 'Wow!' and I know it sounds corny, but she took my breath away. Of course in saying we had that connection from the start, neither of us knew at that time that we would become soul mates, but it was very evident as we continued dating, that this would be a wonderful thing. There are numerous things that make a relationship. Sex isn't a major part of it, albeit meaningful (well to SOME people it is, others are in it purely for the sex). There's the love, trust and all that jazz that goes with the complete 'package'. I'm very happy that I've managed to find that sort of happiness.

[ShadowLink64]

True. However I'd hope that when I marry a woman it's for life. With the amount of marriages these days that end in divorce, surely it's not absurd to ponder whether or not you've met the right girl, as opposed to simply meeting a girl you're comfortable with. I'm comfortable with most people I've met.

Comfortable and compatible? If so, why didn't you stick with them?

I think that pondering this while in a good relationship is a waste of time, and may serve to sabotage whatever good is going for you. I say waste of time because there's just as good of a chance of you meeting a psycho, or at least someone very incompatible, compared to someone better.

My experience so far has taught me to be happy with what you've got, unless it's definitely not going to work out. Maybe we have a different perspective.

[artificial]

Comfortable and compatible? If so, why didn't you stick with them?

Since when does comfortable and compatible constitute love? Just because I'm comfortable with someone, doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life with them.
And if that is love, then all of those bloody romantic comedies I watched as a kid have a lot to answer for.

[ShadowLink64]

Since when does comfortable and compatible constitute love? Just because I'm comfortable with someone, doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life with them.
And if that is love, then all of those bloody romantic comedies I watched as a kid have a lot to answer for.

Everyone has their own definitions and expectations. If your definition of love is based on movies, that is not what I would consider to be healthy or realistic. Movies are scripted, and the scenarios are idealized for maximum effect, whereas most things in life don't run on a script or can even be remotely predicted. People are too dynamic for that.

If you expect to be totally blown away by someone like what you see in the movies, then I really hope it happens for you. Considering the probability of that actually happening to people, I am pretty sure that my own life won't even come close to resembling a romantic comedy, and so I don't subscribe to those expectations. Less stressful that way.

[Romy]

^~^

I've known my girlfriend since the 5th grade and we've been together since the 10th. We are both currently in our first year of college and we have no had sex yet.
There are sooo many things that are way more important. It's not that she isn't physically attractive, (she is freaking amazing) it's just that we've focused on other aspects of our relationship. Bonding over LoZ for example

My gf is Chappy on here btw.

Edit: too tired to fix fragments.

Edited by Pikachuu, 20 April 2012 - 01:11 AM.

[Unseen]

^~^

I've known my girlfriend since the 5th grade and we've been together since the 10th. We are both currently in our first year of college and we have no had sex yet.
There are sooo many things that are way more important. It's not that she isn't physically attractive, (she is freaking amazing) it's just that we've focused on other aspects of our relationship. Bonding over LoZ for example

My gf is Chappy on here btw.

Edit: too tired to fix fragments.

Sounds legit.

I'll leave it at mine sucked.

[Nymh]

I wish I could take it back and do it like, 10 years later.

I lost my virginity waaaaaay too young. That, and other things, caused me to grow up too fast. It's a wonder I managed to graduate with a 4.0 because I was so busy fucking everyone, partying, drinking and smoking weed.

God I'm glad those days are over

[Trichomes]

I lost mine to my best friend when I was 16. It was awkward, and not very romantic, but I definitely don't have any regrets.

[luvsmyncis]

There's over 3bn people in the world, how do you know you've met the right one?

I've only slept with one person, but that doesn't mean I didn't mess around with anyone else. Anyway, do you have to try every drink in the world before you know what you enjoy, or can you just pick up a glass of lemonade and say, "I really like this." Certainly, with more experience, you can say "I like lemonade a lot more than that one time I drank dog piss", but it isn't necessary to experience something terrible before you can tell if something is good.

There's the love, trust and all that jazz that goes with the complete 'package'. I'm very happy that I've managed to find that sort of happiness.

Not to mention that bond that you have that overcomes any area of anger or resentment. When you're in a long time relationship, you know you can't (and you wouldn't even want to) change a person, so the things you disagree on have to be things you can live with. I'm not married, but I've been with my boyfriend for over 7 years. There are some things about him that make me want to strangle him, and I'm sure there are a lot of things he doesn't like about me (I'm sort of abrasive and cruel). But when you can still look at that person, and your heart still flutters, and you can get through the petty arguments by communicating and understanding, then you've got something worth keeping. That person is your best friend, your lover, and your co-pilot through the tumultuous winds of life.

[STP]

I regret it. I ended up getting drunk and doing it and vaguely remembering it. The next day it felt good to say I'm not a virgin but in the long run I wish I didn't lose it under those circumstances. Plus I met a lot of college girls, through my friends, who prefer virgins... which was odd.

[Boggart]

Thank God that over night people felt the same way I did. I thought I was just some loser haha.

I think that once you just find one person who you love and are compatible with, there's no point trying to find another. I never understood the "numbers" of partners when it comes to sex.

Hypothetically, I'm with someone, and we have sex twice a day (I know that's a lot, I'm not stupid haha). While another guy hooks up with a different girl every other day. Assuming I'm satisfied with my partner, I have sex way more than the other guy. All he gets is the number. But if sex is really that important, I personally find having one consistent person is way better than just sleeping around.

And anything emotionally that you and your significant other that aren't completely agreeable on, that's what friends are for.

[Applepi]

I've only ever done anything with one guy. Did I plan this? No. I actually started hooking up with him telling him I didn't want a relationship. I wanted to have fun and enjoy my last summer of freedom before pharmacy school. I never thought for a second that he'd still be in my life 3 years later. My friends always ask me if I'm ok with the fact that I've only ever kissed/been with one guy in my life and if I ever wonder if there's better out there in the world. Truth is, it does cross my mind from time to time but I never get the urge to find someone since I'm beyond happy with my bf. Like everyone else has mentioned, finding love is about being with someone who I'm comfortable and compatible with. I feel safe, I don't ever worry about if he's going to break my heart, or if he's the right one. I can't really explain it, but when you meet your soulmate, I think you just...KNOW. Its like something inside you just feels satisfied all of a sudden and you become content.

[Kat]

I was 16, he was the first guy I'd dated longer than 3 months. I don't regret when, but I regret losing it to him.
He was using me. After that day, he became mean, abusive, and an all around asshat.
But I felt trapped, I think because I confused sexual desire with love. It's been years so I don't hold a grudge towards him anymore.
I'm glad I moved on and found someone else that absolutely amazing. I just wish I could have lost it to him instead.

[Boggart]

There are so many sub-questions I could ask Like was it a one-time thing? How long were you two together (if at all) etc.

so little time

[iomega]

I lost mine simply because the girl I was dating at the time wanted to lose hers before her 16th birthday.

Do I regret it? Not at all.

[Jewbert]

I regret it only because of WHO it was. He turned out to be a verbally and mildly physically abusive asshole. I still despise him to this day, no matter if he has changed or not. I could care less. There was no point for him to act the way he did to me. But, can't take it back so I moved on. I learned a few life lessons from him, so I suppose I could thank him for that.

I was 16, he was the first guy I'd dated longer than 3 months. I don't regret when, but I regret losing it to him.
He was using me. After that day, he became mean, abusive, and an all around asshat.
But I felt trapped, I think because I confused sexual desire with love. It's been years so I don't hold a grudge towards him anymore.
I'm glad I moved on and found someone else that absolutely amazing. I just wish I could have lost it to him instead.

Wow. I feel -almost- the same way as you.

[Wrukag]

I lost my v-card to my first GF when I was 18. Even though after a year of dating she cheated on me, I still don't regret it.

[redlion]

What a timeless question.

I would say I lost my virginity at 18. No regrets, wonderful relationship at the time. Man I wish I was still with her. But I went to college and got big ideas in my head, the least of which was that there were other girls to sleep with. Stupid, stupid patrick...

I think about that relationship every time I consider getting into another one. It's my standard for all new relationships because it was so great. Of course I know that no two relationships can be compared, but I think about it. Especially the chemistry. If that's not there like it was, I usually don't even bother.

[Silky]

I kept mine till I was 18, got close to losing it a few times but decided against it due to some morals I had, but when I did lose it I didn't regret losing it, I regretted who the person I lost it with became years later. Meth is one wicked drug kids.

[redlion]

I kept mine till I was 18, got close to losing it a few times but decided against it due to some morals I had, but when I did lose it I didn't regret losing it, I regretted who the person I lost it with became years later. Meth is one wicked drug kids.

You can't control what other people do, nor are you responsible for what they do. I don't understand regretting what someone else has done. Unless you had a hand in it, say, if you were their dealer. But then the phrase would be "I regret that the person I lost it to turned into a meth fiend because of me" not "I regret that they became a fiend."

Separate one issue from the other and you shouldn't feel bad at all.

[cornymikey]

I want to lose my virginity D:

Yeah, lonely guy

[Boggart]

I want to lose my virginity D:

Yeah, lonely guy

That's really not the attitude to have with virginity xD that's what leads to regrets

[Sweeney]

That's really not the attitude to have with virginity xD that's what leads to regrets

I'm pretty sure he can have whatever attitude he like towards his virginity.
Sex isn't a super special sacred rite of passage for everyone. For some people, it's just fun.