200 replies to this topic

[Adam]

This is laughable. You don't "own" a person. I don't control what my fiance does.

If she wants to hold hands with someone, why should I care? I trust her, I'm the one she chose to marry.

 

That's the mature attitude to hold, not some alpha-male posturing.

Obviously you don't own anyone, but knowing that you are theirs and and theirs alone is a great feeling. You're beta, the type of guy that will just let another man walk all over him. Unless of course you sit behind a keyboard, and act tough, then all of the sudden you're a champion but I could never see you doing such a thing.

 

If you don't get jealous and/or concerned, you don't really care about the bond between you and the other person.

Edited by Adam, 27 February 2013 - 12:19 PM.

[Mishelle]

How is she undermining you by touching someone else's hand? Don't you trust her to touch someone without falling in love with them?

 

Who gives a shit about cuddling, or watching porn? They are both essentially platonic activities.

 

I wouldn't "draw the line", like its my decision to make, anywhere. I would talk to her about anything that I thought wouldn't be appropriate, like kissing on the lips outside of family, and anything more involved than that. If she didn't want to adjust her behaviour, considering my feelings, and she couldn't change my feelings with her reasoning, then we'd have an issue.

 

You didn't answer the question.

 

Yes I did. Maybe you should read my answer again.

[Sweeney]

Obviously you don't own anyone, but knowing that you are theirs and and theirs alone is a great feeling. You're beta, the type of guy that will just let another man walk all over him. Unless of course you sit behind a keyboard, and act tough, but I could never see you doing such a thing.

 

If you don't get jealous and/or concerned, you don't really care about the bond between you and the other person.

 

That's not really how adult relationships work.

Yes I did. Maybe you should read my answer again.

 

I asked "if your boyfriend thought that your relationship with another male friend was inappropriate, then it would be?"

 

You did not answer that question.

[Adam]

That's not really how adult relationships work.

 

I asked "if your boyfriend thought that your relationship with another male friend was inappropriate, then it would be?"

 

You did not answer that question.

If you do not care that another man can give your woman more comfort and satisfaction then you, then you are not as invested as you should be.

[Sweeney]

If you do not care that another man can give your woman more comfort and satisfaction then you, then you are not as invested as you should be.

 

How did you get that from holding hands or cuddling?

[Mishelle]

If the SO feels that it's inappropriate then it's inappropriate. If the other person disagrees then they shouldn't be in a relationship with that person

 

If he thought it was inappropriate and hurting his ability to have a relationship with me then I would definitely make an effort to distance myself and create stronger boundaries with said male friend but most of my male friends are gay as all fuck so that doesn't happen too often. And if it was strictly platonic and he thought I was cheating then I would end the relationship. My last ex boyfriend told me up front that he didn't think blowjobs were cheating and it's only cheating if penis goes into a vagina. I thought otherwise, we broke up.

 

Stop asking stupid questions, Joe. 

[Turnip]

Obviously you don't own anyone, but knowing that you are theirs and and theirs alone is a great feeling. You're beta, the type of guy that will just let another man walk all over him. Unless of course you sit behind a keyboard, and act tough, then all of the sudden you're a champion but I could never see you doing such a thing.

 

If you don't get jealous and/or concerned, you don't really care about the bond between you and the other person.

 

To be honest, being able to trust your partner and knowing s/he trusts you too doesn't make either of you "beta" at all   And wouldn't feeling jealousy make you more of a uh beta than anything?

[Elindoril]

If you do not care that another man can give your woman more comfort and satisfaction then you, then you are not as invested as you should be.

What if, and only if, the woman cares not for physical comfort or satisfaction and instead likes the mental and psychological gratification of the relationship?

 

Not everyone bases a relationship solely on the physical benefits.

[Sweeney]

Stop asking stupid questions, Joe. 

 

You're contradicting yourself. I'm pressing for a consistent answer.

 

In the first quote, you're saying that the boyfriends opinion is absolute; "if he says it is, then it is".

In the second, you're saying it's unreasonable, and grounds to end the relationship; "if it was strictly platonic and he thought I was cheating then I would end the relationship".

[Mishelle]

You're contradicting yourself. I'm pressing for a consistent answer.

 

In the first quote, you're saying that the boyfriends opinion is absolute; "if he says it is, then it is".

In the second, you're saying it's unreasonable, and grounds to end the relationship; "if it was strictly platonic and he thought I was cheating then I would end the relationship".

 

Read the second sentence of that first quote.

Edited by Mishelle, 27 February 2013 - 12:37 PM.

[Sweeney]

Read the second sentence of that first quote.

 

I have. It bears no impact on the first.

They are still contradictory.

 

Perhaps you could try rephrasing to make them consistent?

[Mishelle]

Please tell me you're just playing dumb.

[Dazz]

I think we should all agree to disagree, we're different people with different views who come from different backgrounds and places where things might be done differently. You can't just grab a textbook definition for something that requires opinion. Where i'm from none of those things listed would be acceptable, none of my mates or anyone that i know hold hands without flirting or being in a relationship, the same with cuddling (also you gotta know the difference between cuddling and hugging). You see what happens when someone suggests that Joe has been slowing down with posting? Sheesh

[Sweeney]

Please tell me you're just playing dumb.

 

If you don't quote me, I don't get a notification that you've replied.

 

And no, I'm not playing dumb. On one hand, you're suggesting that the boyfriend's opinion is absolute, and on the other, you're saying that it's subject to differing opinions.

I think we should all agree to disagree, we're different people with different views who come from different backgrounds and places where things might be done differently. You can't just grab a textbook definition for something that requires opinion. Where i'm from none of those things listed would be acceptable, none of my mates or anyone that i know hold hands without flirting or being in a relationship, the same with cuddling (also you gotta know the difference between cuddling and hugging). You see what happens when someone suggests that Joe has been slowing down with posting? Sheesh

 

Hey, there's no problem with differing views, as long as they're consistent with themselves

[Romy]

How is she undermining you by touching someone else's hand? Don't you trust her to touch someone without falling in love with them?

 

Who gives a shit about cuddling, or watching porn? They are both essentially platonic activities.

 

I wouldn't "draw the line", like its my decision to make, anywhere. I would talk to her about anything that I thought wouldn't be appropriate, like kissing on the lips outside of family, and anything more involved than that. If she didn't want to adjust her behaviour, considering my feelings, and she couldn't change my feelings with her reasoning, then we'd have an issue.

 

 

You sound like a doormat.

[Pilot]

An alpha male/female doesn't just let 'their' man/woman do those things listed above.

 

Unless you're beta bro.

 

If my girlfriend were doing any of those things with another person, there'd be major trouble. I'd imagine there would be an altercation between the other guy and myself, and the girl would then become an ex.

 

You sound like an 'alpha' who would altercate with someone because they made eye contact with your girlfriend.

 

 

Realistically how often does this happen? If it's quite a bit than maybe one needs to rethink his choice in women.

Back in high school I knew a girl that liked to link her arm with mine when we walked around. This didn't signify anything at all as she friend zoned me hard a while before this happened, she just liked doing it.

 

Holy crap I hope there was a friend zone shelter in the vicinity.

[Boggart]

Well this was an interesting thread to read on my underwhelming return.

 

I personally believe holding hands and maybe sleeping/cuddling is okay. I'm a rather jealous person, so it really depends on how much I trust the person. I was jealous whenever my ex even looked at another guy, which I realize now wasn't entirely my fault. The guy I'm dating now I trust fully, even kissing a friend or watching porn I'd probably be okay with. But if my ex did that, I probably would have flipped out on him. I had my reasons, believe me

So it really shouldn't matter what we think; it all depends on the other person. I know a married couple where the guy sends "joking" sexts/photos and spoons with a mutual friend (who is 6 years younger) and the wife is totally okay with it. I find that... interesting, but hey, as long as they're okay with it.

[Turnip]

You sound like a doormat.

 

How does that even make him a doormat lmao

If my guy was cuddling some other girl then that's fine! I don't mind and I would probably just join in. Just because they're cuddling doesn't mean he's in love with her! It's just cuddling, which isn't limited to couples or instantly mean they're in love with each other

[Boggart]

How does that even make him a doormat lmao

If my guy was cuddling some other girl then that's fine! I don't mind and I would probably just join in. Just because they're cuddling doesn't mean he's in love with her! It's just cuddling, which isn't limited to couples or instantly mean they're in love with each other

I could with my friend's pets and they think it's weird.

 

Then again, I'm into bestiality.

 

I prefer furries, but the suits are awkward to travel around with.

[Sweeney]

You sound like a doormat.

 

That's ok, I don't particularly mind being misunderstood by someone with less maturity than fresh gouda.

[Romy]

How does that even make him a doormat lmao

If my guy was cuddling some other girl then that's fine! I don't mind and I would probably just join in. Just because they're cuddling doesn't mean he's in love with her! It's just cuddling, which isn't limited to couples or instantly mean they're in love with each other

Not the cuddling. Again, it's there to make a point.

[redlion]

If you do not care that another man can give your woman more comfort and satisfaction then you, then you are not as invested as you should be.

There will always be someone better. The trick is to get her to settle for you

[Romy]

That's ok, I don't particularly mind being misunderstood by someone with less maturity than fresh gouda.

 
Ha.

 

 

The only thing I find amusing is that it seems like you refuse to clearly state what bothers you and where you draw the line between inappropriate behavior and appropriate. You're being very political about your responses.

(But then again, all you're doing is criticizing rather then taking a stance. It's expected of you by now.)

There will always be someone better. The trick is to get her to settle for you

 

 

SHHHHHHHH!!!

[Sweeney]

 
Ha.

 

 

The only thing I find amusing is that it seems like you refuse to clearly state what bothers you and where you draw the line between inappropriate behavior and appropriate. You're being very political about your responses.

(But then again, all you're doing is criticizing rather then taking a stance. It's expected of you by now.)

 

Did you miss the post where I explicitly did clearly state where I would "draw the line", despite objecting to the specific phrase?

[ShadowLink64]

You sound like a doormat.

... or is secure with himself.