Mishelle's Blog

So it's the first week of work and we're supposed to be having all these wonderful new things! We have an assistant boss named Madison. He's a guy. His name bothers him. We have a new Jamba Juice that I'll be working at on Fridays, that is if it ever opens. We were supposed to get the Jamba Juice like a year ago but first we couldn't because we couldn't get the plans approved. Then we got the plans approved and we had to get the construction approved. Then when the construction got approved but then they realized they had to re-do the plans because of something stupid. Then they re-did the plans and had to get it approved again. Then they got it approved and had to do construction. Then the construction ran behind. It's still not fully done but it's done enough for us to be able to make and serve drinks. Then we still couldn't open because they had to test the water. Then they find out the health code isn't up to standard and they have to remove the student union floor and replace the floor with tile which is FUCKING STUPID because the student union floor is nonslip. Why the fuck would you deem it against health code to get rid of a non-slip floor in favor of TILE? Idk. Anyway, we don't have a Jamba Juice, it's clearly not open. There's even a sign on the Jamba Juice location that says "The Jamba Juice is closed pending updates to bring us up to health code. We will be open as soon as possible."

"Where's the Jamba Juice?"
"I heard you got a Jamba Juice here?"
"Why is the Jamba Juice closed?"
"When are you going to open the Jamba Juice?"
"Can I get Jamba Juice here?"

All day every day. SERIOUSLY? FUCK YOU GUYS.

We also have a shit ton of new people. I believe this semester we have around 75 employees and at least half of them are new. Most of these new people only got one day of training tops. Most people just have to learn the job on the job because you can't really train people for what's to come. Add/Drop period is the busiest time for us out of the entire semester and with all these new employees, of course they're going to make mistakes. What bugs me is when customers let these people make mistakes and then walk all the way TO ME to complain. I'm sorry but my patience is completely gone with them at this point. We have a never ending line of people. Even though all the other areas of the cafe got new people we only got 2 new people and we're still understaffed because Madison fucked up the schedules. We're supposed to have all 4 registers filled all day during Add/Drop and thus far we've been dealing with only 3 registers and sometimes only 2 so don't come to me with bullshit.

"Hey I asked for no pickles on this subway sandwich and she gave me pickles I don't want it."
"You should've told her that when you were watching her make your sandwich, you can throw it away or go get a new one but you'll have to get back in line."

"Why is the philly cheesesteak on this new bread? I'm never buying one of these again!"
"Okay."

"Why does the grill take so long to cook food?"
"Because the food has to be thoroughly cooked to be served, and they're just slow in general."

"Why is it so expensive here?! We're students! We should get discounts for being students!"
"On a campus?"

And it's such bullshit that they say that. Everything is not expensive, in fact we have more deals than we've had since I started working there. It's just the shit that they want is expensive. You can get a five dollar footlong FOR FIVE DOLLARS. You can get a turkey burger, fries and a drink. FOR FIVE DOLLARS. We have the Subway lunch deal where you can get a 6 inch in a drink for between $4 and $6. You can get a slice of our specialty pizza, a side salad, and a drink, FOR FIVE DOLLARS. You can get a slice of cheese and a drink for THREE DOLLARS. You can get two slices of cheese and a drink for FIVE DOLLARS. These are FULL MEALS. Just because you wanted some fancy shit that costs $12 isn't my goddamn problem.

So yeah about our new cashiers. One chick Edith is cool. She picks things up fast, she comes to work and she's nice. And then there's Martha. Martha barely speaks any fucking English and understands even less. We have another cashier Trinh, she can't speak English either. But she can understand it perfectly and we're on the same wavelength when it comes to pointing. But Martha, I'd have a better shot teaching Eevee how to cashier this chick is so slow. I had to keep leaving my register to show her how to do the same thing over and over again. I had to keep fixing her mistakes and when she didn't understand what I was saying I had to go tell Barbara so she can go tell Martha in Spanish. I understand that English is a very hard language to learn but god damn it did they have to give her the one job that requires the most fucking English? It's just counterproductive because with us leaving our registers constantly we can't keep the line going at a steady pace. And Martha wasn't trained at all. All of the cashiers got a training session on Thursday except for her. So it's her first day cashiering, the busiest time of the semester and she doesn't know any fucking English.

We're also in the middle of a heatwave so we're constantly running out of drinks and ice. It's the utility guy's job to stock these things when we're busy. It's especially imperative to have one now because we have an insane amount of customers so we don't get enough down time to do other things besides cashier. Do they fix this problem? No. They tell our fully available utility guy "oh we only need you in the mornings" and then schedule him to leave right before the lunch rush which is the busiest time of the day during the busiest time of the semester. It's like they want me to take my braids and hang myself. There's no other excuse for this. We have to constantly leave our registers to try to stock drinks leaving us even more shorthanded. I go to the back and I found out we do have a utility guy on the clock, praise Beyonce. Usually we have two but for some reason we only have one. But I'm happy to see him so I deal. I'm like "Arulio I need you're help, we're super understaffed at the cash registers, we need more ice, we need someone to stock the drinks." He tells me "I can't right now because they're making me take all this stuff to the snack shack. I already tried to stock drinks before and there wasn't anything back there." I go back there and he's right. We're almost out of everything. No Dr. Pepper. No Sprite. We barely have anything except water and diet shit that no one likes. The packs of soda syrup are also gone and I have to put "out of order" signs on like 5 of the fountains which I get 395309364 complaints about. I go back into the kitchen and just scream "WE'RE UNDERSTAFFED, WE'RE OVERCROWDED, AND WE'RE UNDER STOCKED. WHO'S RUNNING THIS PLACE?!" The head kitchen lady goes "Not me." then goes back to what she's doing. Madison is back there making pizzas and he just looks at me. I'll admit I said that a little bit louder than I originally intended to, but I don't care, ain't nobody gonna check me.

We're supposed to get one lunch and 2 breaks but because we've been so overcrowded the cashiers have been getting only 1 break if they can fit it in. Sometimes we go without no breaks. Which is totally against the law and fucking ridiculous. It just pisses me off that my boss and her assistant have been doing this shit for 10 years and they manage to fuck it up every single time. Madison gets a pass because he's new, and he's a cool guy. But these bitches I just don't understand at all why they thought staffing this way was a good idea. Now my other boss Kathy is super pissy and is talking about finding another job. I hope she does quit and I hope my cousin gets her job since she's the one who usually ends up doing it anyway.

I need to hurry up and get back to San Diego because I can't deal here. They're raising my blood pressure too high. Yes, this will be a rant so if you're not into bitching and complaining you can leave after these cat pictures.









Ok now that I got that epic cuteness out of the way... I'm so tired of having the same exact conversations with my mom and her boyfriend every single time I come to visit them. Then they have the nerve to complain that I rarely come visit them. That's because you grill me with the same shit! First they grill me with the:

1. "When are you going to get married? Do you ever plan on having kids? I want grandchildren!"

Dude, I'm 22. Slow your crazy ass roll. Why would I be thinking about marriage and kids when I don't even have a decent job yet? I'm not even done with school! Every time they ask me this I explain to them that after I get my BA I want to go for a Masters, then I want to start a career in my degree field. After that, then maybe I'll start thinking about that kind of stuff, but for right now, none of that is on my radar. If you're going to grill me like this every time I come to visit you I'm not going to want to come. It's literally EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. WITHOUT FAIL. We had this same conversation last month, we had it two times this week. I'm sick of it.
And then it gets racial which really grinds my gears.

2. "Will you ever date a Black guy? Do you like Black guys? I don't think I'll accept who you end up with if he's not Black. I want Black grandchildren. You like a lot of White stuff, do you only like White guys?"

Umm okay Adolf, thanks for the heads up. I've only seriously dated 2 guys in my life. One was White. One was White and Filipino. So because I've dated two non-Black guys I'm never going to date a Black guy. What kind of fucked logic? I tell them every single time we have this conversation "I like all kinds of men as long as they have a job" and I haven't changed my answer yet. As long as they're nice, independent, cute, and they love Beyonce I will date them. I'm not going to only date one race of person because that's what YOU want. If you don't accept the person that I end up falling in love with and marrying that's your own fucking problem. And it's just hilarious to me that they think this way because I'm sure if someone else's parents said that kind of shit to their son about me they'd be pissed off. My mom told me "oh well that's how other races talk to their kids too!" No it isn't. My ex's mom LOVES me. She still texts me and messages me on Facebook. She still invites me over to dinners. She even said I could live with her if I didn't find a place in the Fall. His dad is back in Mississippi still uploading pictures of us together on Facebook over a year after we broke up. My ex's parents love me so don't try to project your shit onto them that they don't like me because I'm not the same race as them.

It just boggles my brains that they're trying to tell me how to run my dating life and they've had nothing but shitty relationships. My dad didn't do shit for me growing up, and he still doesn't do shit for me. I have to take care of him sometimes. My brother's dad doesn't do shit for him, he doesn't even talk to him or any of his 4 other kids by 4 other women. My mom's boyfriend's kids don't talk to him unless they wants money, and the same with his wife. She hates his guts and only calls him for money. So you're telling me what kind of person I should date when you can't even get your shit together?

And what the fuck with the "you like White people stuff." Yes I like rock music, Laguna Beach and Starbucks. I also like fried chicken, twerking and hair weaves. I like a lot of different stuff, maybe you'd know that if you took the time to talk to me instead of at me.



3. "Do you have any friends? Why are you on the computer all the time? Why don't you talk to your friends on the phone? Do you hang out with friends when you're in San Diego"

You stalk my Facebook like I have the map to Narnia hidden somewhere in my status updates. You know I have friends, stop asking stupid questions. I'm on the computer all the time because I need a distraction from your annoying fuckshit that I have to deal with every day. It's 2013 who still talks on the phone?

4. "Why don't you cook? You never cook when you're over here."

Because you never have any food! How am I going to cook what's not there?!

5. "Do you know how to drive yet? Why don't you have your license? When are you getting a car? I want you to be able to drive me here"

Yes I know how to drive. No I don't have my license. Getting a car with what money? You don't have any, I'm constantly paying for your shit. In the last 2 months I've put almost $500 on my credit card because of them being broke. They've for the most part paid me back. Her bf still owes me $60 and she owes me $50 and they just want me to pull a car out of my weave. It's not going to happen. And if you think I'm going to come up here and be your chauffeur you've got another thing coming.

6. "If we gave you another sister or brother would you come help?"

Nope you'll never see me again. Take care of the ones you've got.

7. "Why has it been so long since you've had a boyfriend?"

Because I have high standards, you should try it.

8."Are you gay?"

For the 10,005th time I AM NOT GAY. I ACTUALLY LOVE PENIS. If I were gay I'd be the butchiest butch in the world just to stop you from asking that stupid fucking question. I don't know what it is about me that just screams lesbian to them but it's annoying.

9. "We want you to move in with us, why don't you want to move back home?"

Because you irritate my life.

10. "Why don't you want to talk to us? You're so quiet all the time."




I want to turn them in and get new parents. I want a nice quiet Asian family. I'm done with this shit.

So yeah I finally got my kitty, I named her Eevee and I love her sooo much.

My aunt drove down for Fathers Day so I decided to ride back down to San Diego to pick her up and bring her back home with me finally. I met up with my friend Donna at PetSmart and took her in with me and got her all kinds of toys, collars, and some food and litter. When I took her to my cousins house I introduced her to Spyder. She hissed at him and he ran behind my cousin's legs. He's such a pussy.

I love her because she's so affectionate and she loves to be cuddled. But don't get it twisted, she's a fucking handful. She's constantly wandering into the most dusty depths of the house and coming back to me covered in dust and cobwebs. She climbs all over EVERYTHING including me (the TC peeps can attest to that). She keeps stealing my chapstick and climbing all over my laptop. She likes to attack gifs and people on cam on my computer screen. She's not particularly fond of Futurama she attacks him the most. And she's constantly hissing at my dog Pikachu. He's old as hell, partially blind, partially deaf and he has arthritis. He doesn't want shit to do with her, but every time he tries to come in my room and chill out she hisses and growls at him. It's so adorable. I love my bb girl so much.

So I'm in LA for the summer and I've been staying with my grandma for the most part but my mom called me and asked if I would watch my brother for the weekend while she went to Vegas. Her boyfriend had to work and go to meetings over the weekend so she needed someone to look after him during the day because he has autism and someone has to be there to supervise him. I told her cool, not a problem. I had no idea exactly what I was getting into, not even with my brother, with her boyfriend who is a piece of fucking work.

First he has a problem with my hair:

Him: Why do you wear your hair like that? Do you comb your hair? You're going to have trouble finding a job with your hair like that, you should straighten it. I saw your pictures from your birthday where you had a weave it looked so nice, why don't you wear more weaves?
Me: Because I want to. Yes I do. I already have a job, you can stop now. I don't want to. I look good no matter what I do with my hair, BYE HATER.

And this was just on the ride to the apartment, this is going to be a long weekend...

Apparently when I agreed to come over here it wasn't just to supervise. I'm supposed to be a babysitter, maid, cook hybrid. I wake up in the morning "what are you cooking us for breakfast?" "Did you make lunch?" "What are you cooking us for dinner?" "Did you vacuum?" "Did you do the dishes?" "Did you wash the clothes?"

If I knew I had to be molly the maid I would've asked for more money.

This is ridiculous. Usually around breakfast time my brother isn't even up yet because he's a teenage boy and sleeps til 12 like the rest of em. I don't even eat breakfast I'll usually have some fruit or something because I never have much of an appetite when I wake up. But to be nice, I say you know what, I'll cook you breakfast what do you want?

"I want eggs, bacon, toast, grits, sausage and orange juice."

And when I cook it he doesn't even get it himself he expects me to bring it to him and when he's done he doesn't even wash the plate he puts it in the sink with all the food still stuck on it! I just want to kill him because he's fucking annoying and I hate him!
But yeah about me being gay. That was hilarious.

Him: Do you plan on getting married and having kids?
Me: I don't know, I don't really think about that kind of stuff honestly. I'm focusing on school and graduating right now.
Him: You're not gay are you?
Me: You think I'm gay?
Him: Well I never hear you talking about marriage or kids and you have a lot of gay friends. I was just wondering.
Me: No, I'm not gay.



We didn't talk much throughout the rest of the weekend, thankfully, except for him giving me shit for not liking basketball. (He's such a bitch) Finally my mom comes back and she's up shit's creek. She drove her car to Vegas even though the mechanic told her not to and the car broke down in Vegas. She parked the car at her friends house and left it in Vegas, she drove a rental car home instead and said when she has the money she'll get it fixed. Her friend even offered to get it fixed and drive it back down here from Vegas. Tony completely EXPLODES. He screams at her telling her to borrow money from someone and get the car back right away, and how stupid she is and all this other really verbally abusive stuff. So I completely go off on him because that's my mom and she's really sensitive. I've honestly never heard any man say the kinds of things he said and it was completely vile. He finally apologized and came home and tried to act like nothing happened. I'm still mad about it.

So my mom doesn't have a car, her friend who is male offers to give her a ride back home from where she has to drop the rental car off. Apparently, Tony has spies who watch my mother's every move and they told him about how some man dropped her off at home and how she was wearing these short white shorts. The shorts were fine! She even asked me if the shorts were ok and I thought they looked good on her. It's been over 100 degrees AND humid here, if she wants to wear shorts she should be able to wear some damn shorts THIS IS AMERICA. So yeah I had a talk with my mom and told her that she needs to break up with this guy. He's an asshole and he belongs in a cave somewhere. She agreed but the problem is they're both stuck in a lease til October/November. I need to go back to my grandma's soon because I cannot handle his ignorance and I will cut him.

I just want to tell you about this crazy ass weekend I had and show off pictures TBH.

Here's some backstory for the people who don't go into TC.

My best friend Willie is gay and he has a crush on his friend Brandon but Brandon is fucking straight. Well that's what Brandon says I rlly don't know because whenever they get drunk together they fight like a married couple. So for a month Brandon has been planning his birthday weekend celebration but his birthday was on Monday. It's Willie's birthday tomorrow so they decided to celebrate their birthdays together. First Brandon wanted to go to Disneyland and stay in a hotel there there but tickets to Disneyland are like $115 plus hotel it would be crazy expensive so I said that we should just go downtown to San Diego, hit the bars there, and stay at a hotel in SD because it's much cheaper and Brandon is turning 21 we should go clubbing. That's what we decided to do. I invited Freya, she's a foreign exchange student from China and she parties hard even though she can barely speak English. Freya said she'd drive us down to San Diego. To this was the plan, until Thursday...

I've heard two different stories so this is what I've managed to piece together. Brandon kept asking Willie if he was going. He basically begged me to go but as soon as he found out his marine friends were coming he didn't give a shit whether we came or not. Brandon bitches and complains all the time that he doesn't have friends and you're about to find out why. When Brandon found out that his marine friends were coming and bringing girls he basically dis-invited Willie even though they were supposed to be celebrating together. When Willie found out he cried and left work and went home. I told him don't worry about it because we can still throw a party at my apartment. Then I get a text from Brandon that night.

Brandon: Ok, you guys are coming
Me: What?
Brandon: Can't you read? You're both coming tomorrow.
Me: First of all, don't get bold with me. Secondly, you invited like 15 people where would we sleep?

And he never responded after that. Willie was still upset and didn't want to go but I wake up Friday morning to a text from Willie saying that he booked a hotel and we're going anyway. I was under the impression that we were going to San Diego anyway and partying without Brandon. But Willie booked the hotel so he could STILL FUCKING HANG OUT WITH FUCKING BRANDON. So Willie tells me to text Brandon and tell him we're coming, he doesn't respond to me or Willie. Then Freya calls Brandon like 3 times and he doesn't respond. I text him again. Freya texts him. We get nothing form this fucker. So I'm like whatever we're in San Diego we'll still have fun. Freya even said that the bartender at Fluxx, one of the most popular nightclubs in San Diego, has a crush on her and will give us free drinks all night plus ladies are in free before 10:30. I told Willie I'd pay his cover since we're getting free drinks.

This was the fucking plan.

Get a bottle of Jack and pregame.


Check.

Then we were going to go to dinner at Yard House and then go to Fluxx. But once we got to yard house Willie was just sulking over the fact that Brandon was ignoring us and we weren't going to hang out with Brandon. He basically told us that the only reason he came down here was to hang out with Brandon. THEN WHY DRAG ME AND FREYA DOWN HERE IF ALL YOU WANTED WAS THAT BROKE BITCH BRANDON? Willie told us that he was going to the bathroom and because he was legit near tears over this bullshit. 10 minutes...15 minutes...20 minutes...30 minutes....no Willie. So me and Freya are talking about checking on him but neither of us want to walk into the men's bathroom to look for him. I text him and this motherfucker tells me that he left the restaurant and he's walking to go find Brandon. So I eat the rest of his food, drink his cocktail then I pay this motherfucker's bill and me and Freya are so pissed.

Me: I can't believe he just fucking left us like this!
Freya: I know they're both asshole!
Me: This is BS Freya!
Freya: What's BS?
Me: BULLSHIT.
Freya: Yes this bullshit!

So me and Freya decide fuck both those bitches we're going to the mall. On our way to the cab Willie calls me

Willie: Where are you
Me: We're in a cab.
Willie: Where can I meet you?
Me: I can't believe you just left us there and left me there to pay your bill. At this point you're no better than Brandon is, real friends don't do this. If you want to hang out with us, you can meet us at Fluxx. But if you're going to make this whole night about Brandon I suggest you go back to the hotel.
Willie: *hangs up on me*

I'm pissed. Freya is pissed. She's yelling in Chinese and shit. We finally get to the mall to do some retail therapy. I'm feeling better because I just bought this cute ass top from Guess for 60% off. Willie calls me again.

Willie: Where are you
Me: We're at the mall. Where are you?
Willie: I'm at the Hard Rock I see Brandon's friend I'm about to go confront him.
Me: Do you want us to meet you there?
Willie: Yeah
Me: We'll I'm trying on this top and it's really cute so you're going to have to wait until I'm done.

Of course his impatient ass confronts Brandon anyway and basically Brandon tells Willie he can't hang out with him and his friends and he doesn't want to be friends with him anymore. Willie tries to call up to go to Brandon's hotel room to talk but Brandon says he's not allowed so Willie leaves then calls me crying saying he wants to go home. Freya says she can't drive him home because she's still drunk and she still wants to go to Fluxx. And I agree, he dragged us all the way down here we're going to fucking Fluxx. We meet at the hotel just to let Willie in because there's only one key and Freya had it in her purse. Willie just lays on the bed curled up in the fetal position. Freya and I charge our phones and tell Willie we're going to Fluxx, he didn't answer us so fuck it we're out. While we're at Fluxx fucking Brandon decides to grace my phone with his texting presence and asks me if we're still with Willie. I told him if he wants to talk to Willie he can call him and I'm done with this bullshit. Freya and I are trying to get the fucking party started.






Finally I'm feeling sad for Willie. I'm not mad at him anymore because he's my best friend and I text him telling him that if he still wants to come I'll still pay his cover. He says he wants to come and catches a cab over to Fluxx and we didn't even have to pay a cover cuz we were all on the guest list. Plus we got free drinks. That's when shit really got real.













So I'm drunk and dancing so obviously my inner Beyonce comes out. This guy at a reserved table starts talking to Freya about how he likes the way I dance. I talked to him and he made me and Willie drinks and I guess since he figured out I wasn't DTF the guy just leaves to go talk to another girl. So we grab his bottle of grey goose from his table and we bolt. This is our victory toast.



After that it was last call so we went home and ordered pizza at the hotel. Then we passed out and I woke up feeling like death. So of course the cure for a hangover is to drink more. We went to Hillcrest which is the gay part of San Diego and me and Willie got wastedpants.



It was all worth the drama to see my best friend have a happy birthday.

I just need somewhere to bitch and complain because I have so much pent up frustration at the moment. So if you're not into bitching and complaining don't say I didn't warn you. Most of the customers are my job are nice, sane, intelligent people. But there are these select groups of people who make me want to smash their heads under my register repeatedly and they just happen to be the ones who come in every single day. This is why I smoke so much weed. I'm only 2 and a half weeks into the semester and I'm already about to tell these some these kids to drop out because they're never going to make it in life and this is just a waste of money. If you guys don't know, I work at a community college and what pisses me off the most is the fact that so many of these people who come to this college basically just use it as a babysitter or high school substitute. There's this guy Tom, I'm pretty sure he's been there every day for like 30 years. He should have every AA they have to offer by now. There's also these kids who are also there every day and the only reason they come is to set up their video games in the student union. They only take like 2 classes a semester and spend the rest of the day playing video games and acting like rambunctious monkeys. I think that's a pretty cool idea to have video games because at my uni we have a UVA where they have a ton of video games, but what bugs me the most about these weeaboo hot messes is that they act like 5 year olds over these fucking games and expect us to play mommy. This is a conversation I've had recently:

Me: *Working the register minding my own damn business*
Student: Hey I brought my xbox and there's this guy who's being a sore loser. He's being really rude and I told him to get off the game but he won't. Can you go tell him to get off the game?
Me: Uhh...No I can't. But you can either unplug it and take it home or I can give you the number to Campus Police and you can call them.
Him: Ok I want the number to campus police because he's being a sore loser and I want him to get off my xbox.
Me: *gives the guy the number* Good luck.

He called campus police and I'm guessing the cop handled it. I don't get paid enough to deal with their juvenile fuckshit.


Another thing that really grinds my gears is when students buy their student ID cards every month because we offer some select things they can get for free. It's a huge range of shit they can get every month, that's why when they buy the cards they're given a pamphlet listing every single thing they get for free for every month of the semester. Do they read that shit? No, they do not. I swear every 10 minutes someone is walking in "What do we get free this month? What do we get free? Do we get anything free? Do we get ____ free?" and more often than not it's the same damn people asking what we get free every fucking time they come in. So in order to stop them from constantly asking us what they get free we took the pamphlet and posted it on the side of the Coke fridge so you can see it as soon as you walk through the front door. It's bright pink. Not only is it bright pink, we use multicolored markers to circle everything they get free for the month and write the name of the month next to it. And when the month is over, we cross that box off and label the next one. WE CAN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER FOR THESE BITCHES. But there are still a lot of people who come in and ask us what they fucking get free because looking at a sign is too much work. I can't even bring myself to be nice about it anymore this semester so I just lie to them.

Student: What do we get free?
Me: I don't know, we list it over there on that wall but I haven't checked it yet. Can you check it and tell me what you get free?

Student: Can I get a <insert item> free this month?
Me: Yeah.
Student: *brings item up*
Me: Oops I was wrong, you don't actually get that free this month. Sometimes I forget to check that paper over there and I get things mixed up.

Here's to hoping they'll stop fucking asking me what they get free. I love short months because they don't get anything free. Of course they still ask but I take a great deal of pleasure in telling them "YOU DON'T GET ANYTHING FREE."



The price nazis who know how my job works better than I do make me go from 0 to ratchet quickly in my head. Actually even outside of my head I have no patience for them.


Them: *Brings up a bunch of shit and waits until I give them a price*
Me: *Gives price*
Them: Oh my god this is so expensive why do you guys charge so much for food?
Me outloud: I don't know, because I don't make the prices. We do have a number you can call if you would like to ask the company about it's pricing.
Me in my head: Well nobody asked you to buy 2 combos, 2 slices of pizzas, 3 candy bars and a 42oz coke when you know you're broke as hell. Put some shit back if you can't afford it you fat ass.

Them: How much is the ____
Me: It says there on the menu it's <price>
Them: Oh why didn't I see that?
Me outloud: *shrugs*
Me in my head:


Them: You guys raised the prices again!
Me: I don't make the prices.
Me in my head: When will you idiots realize that I didn't raise shit. The company who pays my meager salary raised the prices again. I suggest you write them a strongly worded letter instead of complaining to me every day because I can't do shit to help you.


Them: How much is the $5 footlong?
Me outloud and in my head:


My absolute favorite is when they fight with me over the prices. I've only been working as a fucking cashier there for 2 years, what do I know about how much things cost? Those Five Dollar Footlong months are worst because these dipshits refuse to read the menu and assume that everything is $5. NEWSFLASH. Every single time we do this it is ONLY the regular subs that are lowered to $5. The premium subs are NEVER $5. I think we've had enough of these months to get with the program and figure out how this shit works. Not only that, but my best friend is the manager at Subway and I help him make the fucking menus. But they still argue with me over what the menu says, without fail.

Me: That'll be $8.
Them: $8? I thought it was $5?
Me: The system says it's $8.
Them: The menu says $5.
Me: No it doesn't.
Them: YES IT DOES I'LL SHOW YOU!
Me: Ok
*we walk to the menu*
*menu clearly says $8*
Me: *silently to myself* Lord Jesus.....be a fence around me... *to them* I'm sorry, but it going to be $8.

And this is usually the part where they say some random curse words and storm out because it's totally my fault they didn't read the menu. This one guy who's conversation I'm referencing above kicked our glass exit door open in a huff over this and then tried to slam it closed with both hands with all the strength he could muster. But of course our doors are built to where they are impossible to slam, so it just eased shut.







Subway isn't the only place I have price issues, it's also the fucking pizza stand. Every month we offer $5 combos for specific slices of pizza and a drink. Not only does it say on the menu "BUY 2 SLICES OF ____ WITH A REGULAR DRINK FOR $5" but they also show you a picture of the damn pizza so you know what it looks like because we like to make things convenient for people. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter. They'll still grab whatever slices they want because our pizza is self serve, and it's usually the most expensive slices at that, then they saunter over to me and tell me is $5.

Them: It says on the sign it's $5
Me: It says 2 slices of _____ is 5 dollars, you got ____
Them: Well do I just put it back?
Me: No, I'll take care of it. *waits for them to leave then throws it away*
I know better than to throw it away in front of them because then they'll go on some bitchfest about wasting food because it's not like they were the ones who grabbed shit they didn't want to pay for.


I think I talked about it before on here where this one chick came up to me and told me she dropped her pizza and that she left it on the counter. This chick picked the pizza off the floor, put it back on the plate, then sat the plate on the counter at the pizza station when there's a trash can right there. But I let that slide, because I try to be a patient person.

Me: Ok don't worry about it." *walks over and throws pizza away*
Girl: Why did you throw it away, someone could've eaten that.
"Me" *long pause because I want to cuss this girl out so bad* That's against our health code.

They really don't have a shred of common sense. If you dropped the pizza on the floor and didn't want it, why the hell would someone else want to eat that? Not only have you touched it with your nasty germ infested hands BUT YOU DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR. How do you even...forget it, I'm done. Drop out. You're not getting an AA, you're not going to amount to anything. Get off my fucking campus.

On to my last rant, I swear. And this one the bane of my existence. People entering through the fucking exit doors.

We have a sign on our exits. 8x11 paper. Giant bold white text over a bright ass red background reading "EXIT ONLY" on both sides of the paper. We have it marked exit only because when you enter through that door without paying attention you walk directly into outgoing traffic. People are trying to get out of there with their food and this person's illiterate ass is walking in through the exit and directly into them. We lock the left exit but we keep the right exit open so the workers from Java City can come through easily and get stuff they need from the cafe. What baffles me the most is when they'll try to open the left exit. Notice that it's locked. Look at it. Then try the right exit and walk through it. I've seen it so many times where some dipshit walks in through the exit without looking and bumps into someone making them drop everything they had in their hands. And since most of the other cashiers are either too inept or too much of a pussy to say anything to them now I take the register next to the exit and as soon as they even touch the handle I tell them "Can you come through the entrance please? *points to it*" Some people apologize and go through the entrance, some people pretend they didn't hear me and keep walking so I say it again even louder and others glare at me like I just told them to fuck themselves up the ass with a rusty axe. Seriously fuck these people! When your dumb ass runs into someone there's going to be a huge mess and I'm going to have to clean it up so I'm going to glare at you, the person you ran into is going to glare at you, the people in line are going to glare at you and we're all going to judge while you sit there looking like the annoying fucking moron you are. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE ON A COLLEGE CAMPUS REFUSE TO READ? I just want to tell those people to gtfo. They're going to drop out anyway because they can't even pay attention to the simplest shit then they're going to be at Five Guys pissing me off again because they can't get my order right.





Ok, I feel better now. That was therapeutic. I'm gonna go to bed.

So I was up late drinking a bottle of wine and waiting on the end of the world (typical Friday) while watching New Years Eve on HBO. After it was over it got me thinking about this year, how it went, and all the people I encountered. I know this blog tagline jokingly refers to my Bad Life's Decisions but god damn it I really made some bad decisions this year.

It all started with me breaking up with my ex Alex. (Good decision) He was basically going behind my back and saying he was single on OkCupid because he's an asshole and a dumbass. I also found out he cheated on me with a girl who everyone (white people) says looks like me. Which is really disturbing. So my ex-bestfriend Sheilah decides to help me get over it by taking me to a bar. Her friend Joshua just got out of the marine corps and was moving to Arizona so he celebrated by buying all our drinks the entire night.

We meet this group of fellow CSU students and they find out I just turned 21 so they're buying me drinks too. Sheilah gets absolutely wasted and disappears. I found out later that she left with some guy she met at the bar. Everything was fine until this girl buys me this drink it's called the Four Horsemen. It's Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, Johnny Walker Red (I think) and I always forget who the 4th one is, but anyway, that's all it is, these 4 shots put in one mega shot. I take the shot the next thing I remember is passing out in the bathroom at the bar. I sat in the corner on the floor and fell asleep. I'm woken up by the sound of drunk girls who have to pee and the bartender saying I have to leave or he's gonna call the cops. I manage to get up and come out and Joshua picks me up and carries me to the car (such a nice guy) and tries to take me home. I slightly remember the conversation of him trying to get me home. What I remember went like this.

Him: Where do you live?
Me: By Sheilah
Him: I know, but where do you live.
Me: Where's sheilah? I live with sheilah.
Him: What apartment
Me: where is sheilah?! we've gotta find her! *blacksoutagain*

He knows I live in the same apartment complex as Sheilah but I'm too drunk and incoherent to tell him the apartment number so he parks in a space (ironically, across the parking lot from my apartment door) and we basically sleep it off in the car. I wake up around 5am and I'm able to piece my brain back together and figure out where the fuck I am (I can't believe he slept in the car with me and waited for me to wake up, thats so sweet) and Joshua walks me to my door. Had the hangover of my fucking life the next day.

Lessons learned: Don't drink angry. Don't let other people buy all your drinks.

My other bad decision was with a guy named Brandon. I'll never forget that guy. He randomly decided to move down here from NorCal. He said he moved down here because he got a job at Napa Auto Parts and he was saving money to move to Arizona and become a fireman. He was definitely hot enough to be one, he said in high school he was a lacrosse player. He was really cocky and full of himself. He was also very seductive. Also we were the same age and his birthday was the day after mine. I thought that was funny. We ended up going out to dinner, getting drinks, the usual. I was still not even over my ex so sheilah told me "The only way to get over one guy is to get under another," so I decide ok this guy is hot and he's nice and his birthday is the day after mine and I'm gonna get under him and get over my ex.

I decided to give him a four hoursmen, and he ended up way more drunk than I was. We went back to his place and he puts on Jack and Jill. Yes, the shitty Adam Sandler movie. I was so not interested in watching that so I started kissing him and I told him to get a condom. This fool takes like 20 minutes to find a damn condom. You'd think by then he'd have sobered up enough, but he was still wasted, so I guess I date raped him? The sex wasn't that great because he was so drunk. He took forever to get off, and he had a thick italian sausage that I was sooo not used to, and he had this tattoo on his [beautiful] stomach that wasn't even finished. Apparently, he tried to tattoo his own stomach that "Mayhem" tattoo Tommy Lee has, but he fucked up the letter M 3/4 of the way through and stopped. (should've been a red flag, but I was tipsy and he was sexy) He tried to get me to spend the night with him after it was over but I said no and went home because I didn't want him to try to have sex with me again. Plus it was really awkward for me. I never had sex one the first date before, I'd only slept with 2 guys in my life that I was in long committed loving relationships with. This was all new to me and I didn't exactly know what proper protocol was. I guess he took offense, or just didn't care anymore because I slept with him because the next time I tried to hang out with him (and possibly have sober sex) he said he was sorry but got back together with his ex and couldn't talk to me anymore. I facebook stalked him and it was true, they did get back together. Can't fault the guy for being honest.

Lessons learned: Never take advice from Sheilah. Getting under another guy does not work. Beware Italian dick.

So Sheilah tells me she made an account on okcupid and met some cool guys so I should make one. I did and met this guy his name was Justin and we talked. He seemed like a nice guy even though his profile said he was 34. Well I was 21 but I decided ok maybe I'll try out older guys, I've only dated guys my age and obviously it aint working out. I met him at this spot called The Yellow Deli for coffee and the first thing I noticed was he was sooooo not 33. He had to be at least 40. He wasn't ugly, but he was just old. Like he was the same age as my mom, weird. But I decide to give the guy a chance and see if his personality changed my mind. He really was a nice guy and interesting. He was an artist and a dj. He had his own house with a pet python. We went to dinner after coffee and got food and drinks. Then we went to the beach and walked an talked about art and our favorite artists. Then we went to his house and we smoked pot and played Mortal Kombat on the xbox. Then he took me home and he hugged me. I really had a good time but I still wasn't attracted to him. If he had been like 20 yrs younger then I totally would've busted that dick. But he wasn't, and I didn't want to lead him on so I eventually lost contact with him.

Lessons learned: Seriously, do not fucking take advice from Sheilah.

So I'm out with Sheilah (you already know this is gonna end bad) and we're at a club. It's a really good night and Sheilah spots these two guys. One guy is ok, he's like a 6.5/10 mostly because he's really fit. Obviously a Marine. Then he has a friend, completely fucking gorgeous. Tall, nice body, etc. 10/10. In my mind, he's way out of my league. He's like a Josh Duhmel look-alike and would never be interested in me so I'm ready to just leave and avoid this whole thing.

But in Sheilah's mind, he's lunch.

There is a problem though, Sheilah spots a wedding ring. At this point she's already on her boyfriend hunting rampage and decides to talk to them anyway because they're both looking at her pretty hard. I don't care for marines at all so I'm just gonna let her do her thing and tag along for the ride. The single guy's name is Dominic and the hot one is Kyle. We're hanging out, they're buying us drinks. Sheilah is chatting up Dominic and I'm just hanging with Kyle and talking him to keep from just standing there awkwardly. Dominic is a marine and seems really proud of the fact that he has a gay brother and he goes to gay clubs because he tells us all about it. I guess he thinks we'll think he's cool for being ~so openminded~ Kyle is a marine from Hawaii and he has a wife that he just married because he was getting deployed and she's back in Hawaii. While we're talking Kyle leans over to me and goes "you know I can tell you're a good girl, but that one *points to sheilah* she's trouble." I tell him it takes trouble to know trouble. He didn't have a response to that one.

So we leave the bar to go to a different one and Sheilah just kind of wanders off with Dominic, she tends to do that. Kyle says he wants me to hold his hand but we can't interlock fingers because he's married. I think he's actually being sincere and wants to be friends (I'm wasted if you haven't figured it out) so we're walking trying to find Sheilah and Dominic. He says he wants to go to the car and get his jacket because it is pretty fucking cold. I go with and we sit in the car for a while with the heater on and the conversation goes a bit like this.

Him: You're very beautiful, (lie) can I kiss you?
Me: ....no....
Him: What if I kiss your neck? It's not cheating if I kiss your neck. (lie)
Me: I think we need to go find Sheilah.
Him: You know, you are a good girl. I'm happy I met you. I really don't want to cheat on my wife (lie) you're a good girl thank you for not letting me make a mistake. (it was longer than that and I'm sure there was some more lies but I was drunk and can't remember everything he said in that unnecessary monologue of lies)

So we get out and find Sheilah and Dominic at a taco place. The boys buy us food. It gets late so we have Sheilah's mom come pick us up. He texts me the next day (totally forgot I gave him my number) and it's friendly and formal. I'm lazy-texting on and off and then out of nowhere he's all "would you have shown me a good time if I wasn't married?" I told him no then I stopped texting him because that was a really weird question. He texted me again the next week talking about how he didn't see me in the bar. I didn't respond so finally he stopped texting me. I'm not going to be this dude's Lewinsky, no thank you.

Lessons learned: Put a fucking GPS tracking device on Sheilah. Other than that, nothing. I always knew marines were shady ass sluts.

Then there was Alyce. Yes, Alyce is a girl. Alyce is Sheilah's friend and she has a car so all three of us would occasionally go to Oceanside and go to the bars there. Sheilah is being her usual self and trying to find potential boyfriends and guys to buy her drinks for the night so it's just me and Alyce. I started talking to her and I don't know if it was the alcohol but I was really attracted to her. She told me she was bisexual and I said I wanted to kiss her.

Problem: We're in a fucking bar. When girls kiss at a bar guys feel entitled to say something stupid and try to get in between you. So I do what any other classy girl would do and I take Alyce to the bathroom. We start making out on the bathroom, she puts me up on the sink some skanky shit happens until this blonde girl walks into the bathroom and sees us. So yeah we're embarrassed as fuck and we like run out of there. The girl is clearly drunk talking about "oh it's ok you're fine!" Like we're just gonna sit there making out while she pees like it's all good. It's not. When I'm out I go back to the bar and the blonde girl comes to me and like drags me from the bar to the dancefloor and starts dancing with me, grinding up on me and stuff. She's there with this really old white guy who's like staring at us so I'm assuming he was her sugar daddy or something and tried to get her to pick me up. First of all, you guys already know I can't do old guys. Secondly, ew. Alyce tried to take me to her place but I ended up getting way too drunk and puking. Plus I really didn't want to mess up our friendship since we're on the BSU together. We're still really good friends to this day.

Lessons learned: Do not PDA in public spaces. Beware drunk white girls.


And then lastly, there was Chris. I met Chris while I was working at the college. He was graduating to transfer to the cal state university to pursue a degree in art. He wanted to be a comic book artist and he was really good at it, he showed me his sketches. Chris was like the exact opposite of everything I had been dealing with. He was chubby, wore glasses, thick eyebrows, really shy, loved anime and kind of a huge nerd. But he was cute to me. We talked while I was riding the Sprinter home and he struggled with it but managed to ask me out. I decided, what the fuck, he seems like a nice guy and said yeah I'll go out with him. So the first time we went out I met up with him after work and he took me to eat. Then he took me to the movies and we saw The Avengers. I had a lot of fun with him and he was funny and a really good artist. I ended up kissing him, but just like a regular closed mouth kiss.

Not to him, he tried to stick his whole fucking tongue (& pretty much the rest of his mouth) into my mouth. Not cool.

I let it slide and he ended up texting me again. We talked for a few days, kept it casual and he ended up asking me to go out again. I said yes but on the day of I totally forgot and ended up at home getting really stoned. At first I was gonna back out of it but he like pressed me to go. I tried to tell him I had to work closing but he said he'd wait. So I went over to work even though it was already closed. I had my friend Aurora sneak me in so I could walk out and make it look like I was at work the whole time and not totally on my couch getting stoned not even thinking about Chris.

So we're making our way to our mall date and we decided to take the train because it's a straight shot from the college to where we're going and we'll avoid the evening traffic. While we're waiting for the train he keeps trying to kiss me. I'm pushing him off like slow down there partner, I'm not down for getting felt up at the bus station. He says sorry but every time after he says sorry he goes back to putting his arms around me and trying to kiss me and be all up on me.

I'm stoned, and when I'm stoned I REALLY don't like people all up on me.

I keep telling him to stop, he keeps not listening. So finally I'm just like "you know what, I've told you to stop multiple times and you're not listening to me and it's pissing me off so I'm going home." And I took the train home and made an angry facebook status about it. He texts me talking about how he's sorry and he thought I was his girlfriend (wat?) and he has all these feelings for me.

Red alert.

I keep telling him we just went on one date and I'm not looking to jump into a relationship. He keeps talking about a relationship. I just start ignoring him. He keeps texting me. He even starts coming to my job and giving me sad puppy dog eyes trying to get me to talk to him, which annoys me even more. He starts texting me at work saying he knows I'm there he saw me and just give him another chance. I call him and finally spell it out that I am no longer interested in him and to stop texting me.

Lessons learned: Beware the "nice guy"

So at this point I'm sexually frustrated from only having one (pretty crappy) sexual encounter and frustrated frustrated that I'm doing this dating thing all wrong. So I ended up getting into an fwb style relationship with my ex and I'm pretty sure you guys know how that turned out. In case you don't know, it turned out complete shit. We went straight back to having petty stupid fights so I broke it off. After a while we realized we really can't just stop talking to each other so now we're just really good friends who talk every day and occasionally go to lunch.

Oh I ended up making out with Freya the Chinese foreign exchange student on Halloween who proceeded to tell everyone she ever ran into. You guys who read the Halloween post know about that. (Lessons learned: do not dress as nicki minaj, you will lose your fucking mind.) So it wasn't a complete strike out for me this year. Even though I made some fucking awful decisions I don't really regret them. What's that quote? It's better to be utterly absurd than utterly boring? That's how I feel about the whole thing.

So yeah if you read all this, kudos, it started out as a paragraph about my boring ass doomsday and ended up a complete dissertation on all my 2012 fuck ups. Welcome to my embarrassing life. I'm going to try to take these lessons learned and apply them to 2013.

So my friend messages me and is like "someone is reblogging pictures of you on tumblr" and I'm all "what picture?" excited that I totally have a tumblr stalker. This bitch sends me this.....



I personally am OFFENDED that any friend of mine would believe that I would ever rock a Cosby sweater and a goddamn gold chain. I THOUGHT HE KNEW ME BETTER THAN THAT. I honestly don't see the resemblance in anything other than the hair but this girl is blonde and my hair is red. Wtf? Opinions?

My ex and I lived together for like a year and then we broke up. Since we broke up and he moved out almost a year ago he's kept his furniture here. Two dressers and a tv. It was a big deal at first because I was under the impression when his parents moved out of their apartment and back into their house they were renting out he was going to come pick up his stuff. Well that day came and went and his stuff is still here.

So we were cool for a while because we were having casual sex on and off but now we're fighting again because he's just being an asshole. He kept making plans with me and then flaking out at the very last moment or not letting me know he's not showing up at all. Obviously I think that's rude and disrespectful and he gets mad at me for getting mad at him. So I'm just like fuck it, we can't be bf and gf, we can't be friends with benefits, we can't even be friends and I really just want to cut him out of my life for good. Now I feel like his stuff being here makes me mad about the situation all over again so I get my revenge by picking out my cat's eye boogers and rubbing them on his dresser because I hate him.

Sadly, my furniture revenge isn't doing anything to get this shit out of here so I decided to try to be civil (for once lol) and I messaged him in the morning just saying "hey I'm sorry I flipped out and I just want to talk about your furniture situation and get it figured out" he doesn't respond to me. On certain days he works at the community college that I work and I know his schedule so I wait until I know for sure he's out of work and I text him again, no answer again. I wait until the end of the day and I'm just like "hay boy if you don't respond to me I'm going to go to your 7/11 job and knock over all the cupcake displays" CLEARLY JOKING. And he totally flips shit on me calling me immature and crazy and telling me to stay away from his job. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE WORKS, I just know it's at a 7/11 and there's like 10,000 of those bitches. And why would I travel all the way to a 7/11 just to knock over my favorite desserts? What kind of person does he think I am?

So at this point I'm just tired of trying. I remember I talked to a cop a while ago and he said that it's county law if you put someone's property outside and something happens to it you become financially responsible for it. but at this point I'm like, it's been here for a damn year, and I'm moving out in May. What am I supposed to do then?

I'm over this entire situation. I'm at the point where I just want to stay in my room, smoke pot and stay foreveralone filling the void with cats for the rest of my life. It could be fun.

I live in a small city right next to the biggest marine base on the west coast. That is also the only city where you can find bars, and this doesn't bode well with me. Every time I try to go to Oceanside to go their bars some shit goes down because it seems no one there knows how to get drunk without acting a hot mess. It's also the only place one can catch a train to leave the city. I had to come here to LA on Friday so after work I made plans with my friend Willie to go drinking at one of the bars there before my train comes. In my mind I felt that since we were going during the day, it will be better and there will be less alcoholics ruining people's nights.

I was wrong.

We're not even in the city 10 minutes before we encounter some BS, Willie is quite feminine so people just look at the way he walks and make comments about his sexuality. We're passing one bar to get to our bar and this neanderthal practically falls out of the bar, looks at us and goes "DAMN EVEN THAT GUY LOOKS HOT. I WANNA FUCK BOTH YALL, HEY EVERYONE! I'M GOING TO FUCK THAT GUY RIGHT THERE!" We try to ignore him because he's just drunk, stupid and not funny.We go to the liquor store to get some vodka to pregame because we still have time before happy hour starts. We walk down this alley into a secluded corner that smells like pee to pour our 99 Bananas into our bottles of apple juice. Which tastes amazing, you guys should try it sometime. So we're leaving the alley and walking and we pass this couple and the guy like looks as us and then grabs his girlfriend really tight. Idk if it's because he didn't want to catch Willie's gay or because I was obviously going to pull a gun out of my bright pink rolly backpack, Willie was going to pull a gun out of his off the shoulder Donald Duck sweater and we were going to rob them on the spot. Cuz we were totally planning to do that. We finally get to the Cantina and we take full advantage of happy hour. Then it's time to leave and I have to go hop on my train. I'm bag lady and I have my rolly suitcase and my giant hobo bag and I'm trying to dig through my bag to find my train tickets and I have Willie pull my suitcase. We're walking and from far away we hear faint yelling "faggot! faggot! hey faggot!" I flip them off because that's just obnoxious and they call me a bitch, of course. After we try to ignore them. But they still keep going. I turn around to just get a look who these assholes are and they're far away behind us and they're just standing on the corner yelling obscenities. At this point I realize, ok we've got some mini cholo gangster wannabes over here. They're far away but I can still tell I'm about the same height as both these guys and Willie and I could totally take them. Sadly, I have a train to catch so me and Willie just start screaming shit back at them because we're drunk and bold.

Me: YOU BITCHES ARE 12!
Willie: FAGGOT IS MY MIDDLE NAME, COME AT US WHEN YOUR BALLS DROP!

As you can see, we're super witty drunk people. But of course they keep calling me a bitch, and him a faggot, and staying firmly put on their corners. They're probably on parole or something and just want to look hard. Thirsty ass children. It's times like this that makes me wish I had a gun and lived in Nymh's town because these people really needed a killin.

Anyway, I make it on my train and I spend the rest of my train ride sitting next to this marine who blasted nothing but dubstep and Nicki Minaj from his iPod. I had to finish my drink on the train to deal with that crazyness.